Yay - abstinence achieved

I so wanted to eat when I got home tonight. I had eaten my meal including pudding before I left work. But just walking into my flat I wanted to eat. I have no idea what feelings were going to drive that craving. I kept chanting don't eat. don't eat, don't eat. I sent a text to friends telling them I wanted to eat. I would never have done that in the past - the shame of being such a pig. I know now it's not being a pig it's addiction - the desire to take myself away fromt he clearly difficult feelings - difficult because it's bloody ahrd having over eaten - the self hatred. So if I'd rather feel that than deal with the driving emotions then they must be bad.
It's certainly linnked with my terrible judgement s of myself, my high demands, my lack of elf-worth.
Anyway I got through the cravings with help from supporting friends and now I am going to bed.
OA works - eventually
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Helpful Disclaimer If you Know Me Please Read

There is a little fear, writing this Blog, that people I know and know me might read it and recognise themselves and my thoughts about them. Well if they do the truth will be out there I guess but I would never want people to read the negative things I might say whilst I go throught the gambit of hurt and resentment etc.. I try to look at me and my part in things in the main but sometimes I am just not able to see that straight away and I do blame. Writing helps me to process my feelings about people and situations and eventually, how long that it is can depend on the degree of hurt or upset, I can see my part in things as well.

Please try not to take the processing personally. I hope one day that the process time will be greatly reduced and I will not have so much thinking and destructive feelings to work through as I will be self aware. Bear with me. I will try to do the same with you too.