Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie

Alice's Restaurant
By Arlo Guthrie

This song is called Alice's Restaurant, and it's about Alice, and the
restaurant, but Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Alice's
Restaurant.

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
restaurant, but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of
room downstairs where the pews used to be in.  Havin' all that room,
seein' as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn't
have to take out their garbage for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump.  So
we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW
microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
on toward the city dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "Closed on Thanksgiving."  And we had never heard of a dump
closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.

We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
decided to throw our's down.

That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving
dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie.  He said, "Kid,
we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And
I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
under that garbage."

After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we
finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
police officer's station.  So we got in the red VW microbus with the
shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the
police officer's station.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at
the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and
we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
and told us never to be see driving garbage around the vicinity again,
which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was
both immediately arrested.  Handcuffed.  And I said "Obie, I don't think I
can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on."  He said, "Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car."

And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop
signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars,
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us.  Took pictures of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
mention the aerial photography.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail.  Obie said he was going to put
us in the cell.  Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
wallet and your belt."  And I said, "Obie, I can understand you wanting my
wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
want my belt for?"  And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings."  I
said, "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape.  Obie
was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(remember Alice? It's a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
to the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, sat down.  Man came in said, "All rise."  We all stood up,
and Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the
judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us.  And
we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
what I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street,
where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected and selected.  I went down to get my physical examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning.  `Cause I wanted to
look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."

And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill.  I mean, I wanna, I
wanna kill.  Kill.  I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
guts and veins in my teeth.  Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL."  And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and
he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL."  And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."

Didn't feel too good about it.

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
part untouched.  Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
and I walked up and said, "What do you want?"  He said, "Kid, we only got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre,
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there.  Mother rapers.  Father stabbers.  Father
rapers!  Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!  And
they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?"  I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage."  He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering."  And they all moved away from me on the bench
there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And creating a nuisance."  And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench.  And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
up and said.

"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
following words:

("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women,
kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug."  He looked at me and
said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
off to Washington."

And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints.  And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get
anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.".  And walk out.  You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't take him.  And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization.  And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
walking out.  And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and
all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
guitar.

With feeling.  So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
sing it when it does.  Here it comes.

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

That was horrible.  If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it
for another twenty five minutes.  I'm not proud... or tired.

So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.

We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.

All right now.

You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant

Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice's Restaurant

So I've listened to Arlo singing this (You Tube) and read a little about Arlo. He based this song on a lady called Alice Brock. She was the librarian at teh school Arlo attended. She then opened the restaurant. Now she has an art gallery in Provincetown Massachusetts. If I ever get anywhere near Provincetown I shall visit. Her work somethow reminds me of the artists we saw in T's gallery in Skien. What was her name again?





I'll report on the film adding it later.

Bliss
XX



 

Is this love Eric?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x11NA63gLDM

If I could reach the stars I'd pull one down for you
Shine it on my heart so you could see the truth
That this love I have inside is everything it seems
But for now I find it's only in my dreams

CHORUS:
That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world

If I could be king even for a day
I'd take you as my queen I'd have it no other way
And our love will rule in this kingdom we have made
Till then I'd be a fool wishin' for the day

CHORUS:
That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world

- GUITAR SOLO -

CHORUS:
That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world

The first time I heard this was when I was in Dubai - see the previous post to realise the relevance of this

Bliss
XX

Amy Winehouse 14Sep83 - 23Jul11

Don't go to strangers - wow what a delivery of a song. It's so very bloody sad that addiction raped this young woman. A voice so rare and brilliant. A star. With such deep destruction at her core. The press are reporting a home detox as the cause of her death. We will never truly know I guess. I feel very sad as I watch a tribute to her hosted by Jools Holland

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuJscWYA-eI

I hope that link is never removed.
Build your dreams
To the stars above
But when you need someone true to love
Don't go to strangers
Lover come to me

Play with fire
Get your fingers burned
But when there's no place left to turn
Don't go to strangers
Lover come to me

You give the call to follow your heart
You'll follow your heart, I know
I've been around
I'm an old hand
I'll understand if you have to go

So make your mark
For your friends to see
But when you need more than company
Don't go to strangers
Lover come to me

Don't go to strangers
Lover come to me

Temptation

(Tom Waits)

Rusted brandy in a diamond glass
Everything is made from dreams
Time is made from honey slow and sweet
Only the fools know what it means
Temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist
Well I know that she is made of smoke
But I've lost my way
He knows that I am broke
But I must pay him
Temptation, oh temptation, temptation, I can't resist
Dutch pink and Italian blue
He's there waiting for you
My will has disappeared
Now confusion is oh so clear
Temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist
Temptation, for love, temptation, temptation
I can't resist

Age

My Back Pages - Bob Dylan

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon," said I
Proud 'neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
Girls' faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Enchanting the dark forest

"In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?" ~ Gabrielle Roth

I love this!
The odd thing is that I am engaged with these sort of things and on a daily basis. I am lifted above my life then. But when I re-engage with my life it's all dark and depressed. This is the most odd phase ever of depression I have had.
A little of me did stop a while ago. I think on reflection though I was dancing and singing hyper actively. I am not really sure. I was enchanted entirely and utterly but I don't think there was any silence. And then it all came tumbling down. (Reminds me of a song - Traveling Wilburys).
Loved the Traveling Wilbury's -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8s9dmuAKvU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkFunXTcsoA&feature=related

and one of my favourites - pure fun!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwqhdRs4jyA&feature=relmfu

But I can't find the one I am lookng for ..... typical
The Traveling Wilburys (sometimes shortened to the Wilburys) were an English–American supergroup consisting of Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison and Tom Petty, accompanied by drummer Jim Keltner. The band recorded two albums between 1988 and 1990, although Roy Orbison died before the second album was recorded.  (Wikipedia)
Always made me smile that they did Vol 1 and Vol 3 !!!!

I am enchanted anyway by the wonder of this planet, the awesom world within each and every organism. I dance and sing around it. And I find peace in the silence.
And in the moment I stop being in touch with the greater power - pow! Depressed, bleak and dark. Help me please

Found the song - Tweeter and the monkey man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReQsRgQXgQY

Tweeter and the monkey man were hard up for cash
They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash
To an undercover cop who had a sister named jan
For reasons unexplained she loved the monkey man

Tweeter was a boy scout before she went to vietnam
And found out the hard way nobody gives a damn
They knew that they found freedom just across the jersey line
So they hopped into a stolen car took highway 99

(chorus)
And the walls came down all the way to hell
Never saw them when they're standing
Never saw them when they fell

The undercover cop never liked the monkey man
Even back in childhood he wanted to see him in the can
Jan got married at fourteen to a rackateer named bill
She made secret calls to the monkey man from a mansion on the hill

It was out on thunder road - tweeter at the wheel
They crashed into paradise - they could hear them tires squeal
The undercover cop pulled up and said everyone of yous a liar
If you don't surrender now it's gonna go down to the wire

(chorus)

An ambulance rolled up - a state trooper close behind
Tweeter took his gun away and messed up his mind
The undercover cop was left tied up to a tree
Near the souvenir stand by the old abandoned factory

Next day the undercover cop was hot in pursuit
He was taking the whole thing personal
He didn't care about the loot
Jan had told him many times it was you to me who taught
In jersey anythings legal as long as you don't get caught

(chorus)

Someplace by rahway prison they ran out of gas
The undercover cop had cornered them said boy, you didn't
Think that this could last
Jan jumped out of bed said there's someplace I gotta go
She took a gun out of the drawer and said it's best if you don't know

The undercover cop was found face down in a field
The monkey man was on the river bridge using tweeter as a shield
Jan said to the monkey man Im not fooled by tweeters curl
I knew him long before he ever became a jersey girl

(chorus)

Now the town of jersey city is quieting down again
Im sitting in a gambling club called the lions den
The tv set been blown up, every bit of it is gone
Ever since the nightly news show that the monkey man was on

I guess I'll to to florida and get myself some sun
There aint no more opportunity here, everythings been done
Sometime I think of tweeter, sometime I think of jan
Sometime I don't think about nothing but the monkey man


Bless
XX

Clues to where your destiny lies

Listen to the little clues....

Doodles, pages falling open in a book, people we meet and places we get to.
Whatever you feel has the power. So if you feel fear, it has the power.
Learn to recognise the fear and then draw on faith and trust.



Common People - Jarvis Cocker - Pulp.

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge
She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College
That's where I caught her eye
She told me that her Dad was loaded
I said in that case I'll have a rum and coke-cola
She said fine and in thirty seconds time she said

I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever common people do
I want to sleep with common people
I want to sleep with common people like you

Well what else could I do - I said I'll see what I can do
I took her to a supermarket
I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere, so it started there
I said pretend you've got no money
She just laughed and said oh you're so funny
I said yeah? Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here
Are you sure you want to live like common people
You want to see whatever common people see
You want to sleep with common people
You want to sleep with common people like me

But she didn't understand
She just smiled and held my hand

Rent a flat above a shop, cut your hair and get a job
Smoke some fags and play some pool, pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
'Cos when you're laid in bed at night watching roaches climb the wall
If you call your Dad he could stop it all
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do what common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
And dance and drink and screw
Because there's nothing else to do

Sing along with the common people
Sing along and it might just get you thru'
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along even though they're laughing at you
And the stupid things that you do
Because you think that poor is cool

Like a dog lying in a corner
They will bite you and never warn you, look out
They'll tear your insides out
'Cos everybody hates a tourist
Especially one who thinks it all such a laugh
And the chip stains and grease will come out in the bath
You will never understand
How it feels to live your life with no meaning or control
And with nowhere left to go
You are amazed that they exist
And they burn so bright whilst you can only wonder why

Wanna live like common people like you

I was talking with a friend about the film Never Let Me Go - he was likening it to the vast differences between the rich and the poor. I think he has an anger about this means it's difficult for me sometimes to pick through jealousy and resentment to keep the main point. I agree with the fundamental point but not the jealousy and blame. So yes these lines "You will never understand. How it feels to live your life with no meaning or control" ... are really biting. Money can buy a degree of freedom, a big degree of freedom compared with the lives of the poor. There is no way out. And I can see his point with the film. The clones have no choices and are in the grips of the "originals". Whilst it isn;t the point JB was making, I wonder if in the book the originals are those with money or if everyone has a clone. I imagine on the monied as someone is having to pay for the keeping of their clone in readiness ...
And so it is a point within a bigger point if that is the case. It's certainly not a point I saw clearly in the film but can liken the inevitability of the clones whilst the "originals" live on. And how on earth as Charlotte Rampling states would it be possible to ask people to return to Cancer, motor neuron diseases etc. The more people gain the more they want and the less likely they are to give up on things. I can certainly relate that to politics and states. People have things and stuff - they do not want to give this up for the sake of a more equal and united world. No, no, no.
I am in there. Here I am with two computers. How baffling. Will I give one away - nah! B ut I feel it sticking in my conscience despite the lack of drive to change the situation. I did give my computer away to a more deserving home when I got my laptop. HB and little HB still have it and it meant that they were able to be online and little HB will be even more computer literate. She is an incredibly bright kid. So is HB but somehow her addiction and health and self esteem have kept her trapped in a similar way - no hopers as there is not the medical support to get truly well. Just managed along with the others. We are the common people. Trapped and tricked into believing there is freedom. However, there is freedom of mind and with faith.

Grieving a person

St Swithin's Day - Billy Bragg


Thinking back now,
I suppose you were just stating your views
What was it all for
For the weather or the battle of agincourt
And the times that we all hoped would last
Like a train they have gone by so fast
And though we stood together
At the edge of the platform
We were not moved by them


With my own hands
When i make love to your memory
It's not the same
I miss the thunder
I miss the rain
And the fact that you don't understand
Casts a shadow over this land
But the sun still shines from behind it.


Thanks all the same
But i just can't bring myself to answer your letters
It's not your fault
But your honesty touches me like a fire
The polaroids that hold us together
Will surely fade away
Like the love that we spoke of forever
On st swithin's day

A little bit of love lingers on ....

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost you witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
That I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

I see my life come shining

I shall be released

They say everything can be replaced.
That every distance is not near.
So I remember every face
Of every man who put me here.

They say every woman needs protection,
Then they turn around and tell you
Every woman's got to fall.
I swear I see my own reflection
Somewhere far beyond this wall.

I see my light come shining
From the west down to the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

Now yonder stands
There in that lonely crowd,
A man who swears he is not to blame, no, no.
And if you ask him has he ever seen this lonely woman,
He'll tell you, "No, no, no."
What's more, he does not know my name!

But I see my light come shining,
Shining, shining, shining from the west
Straight on down to the east.
Ah-anyday now, any, any old day now,
I am going to, I am going to be released, yeah!

They tell ya, tell ya every woman,
They tell ya every woman
Got to have protection,
Then they turn around and tell ya,
"No! We gotta make that-a woman fall!"
Oh, god, I swear! I swear I see,
I see my, my very own reflection
Far and away beyond, way, way beyond
These old walls!

That's right! I see, I see my light, my light,
My light is shining, shining, shining,
Shining, shining, shining, shining
From the west straight on down to the east.
And any day now, do you hear me?
Any day now, I shall be,
I am going to be released!

Any day now, any day now, any day now,
Any, any day now, oh, any day now,
Any day, any day, any day,
Any day, any day, any day,
Woah, any day, any day, any old day now,
Yeah, any day now
I am going to, I shall be released!

Woah, any day now, I shall see again!
Any day now, I shall be free again!
Any day now, they'll let me be again!
Oh, any day now, any day now, any day now,
Whoa, help me, any day, any day,
Any old day now . .

Take Care the Road You Choose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahAliEbei-g

(Richard Thompson)

If I ever get out of these shoes
And I shrug off a skin or two
I'll come looking in the wasted places
Beat-up, last ditch rendezvous

If it had been some other place
Some other time to find me
If I had been in my right mind
Not looking for ghosts behind me

Then I'd hold you with my fingers burning
Kiss your little tears of yearning
But sometimes there's no turning
Take Care The Road You Choose
If I ever get out of my mind
Guillotine myself to stop me dreaming
And let my heart go where it will
Without those other voices screaming

Some take the high, some take the low
Some take the straight and narrow
Some still standing at the crossroads
Some fly like an arrow

With my radar I'll find you, darling
No regrets to blind you, darling
And never look behind
Take Care The Road You Choose   

Beautiful Stranger

Pete Atkin  

Beware Of The Beautiful Stranger

On the midsummer fairground alive with the sound
And the lights of the Wurlitzer merry-go-round
The midway was crowded and I was the man
Who coughed up a quid in the dark caravan
To the gypsy who warned him of danger
"Beware of the beautiful stranger"

"You got that for nothing" I said with a sigh
As the queen's head went up to her critical eye
"The lady in question is known to me now
And I'd like to beware but the problem is how
Do you think I was born in a manger?
I'm in love with the beautiful stranger"

The gypsy (called Lee as all soothsayers are)
Bent low to her globular fragment of star
"This woman will utterly screw up your life
She will tempt you from home, from your children and wife
She's a devil and nothing will change her
Get away from the beautiful stranger"

"That ball needs a re-gun" I said, shelling out
"The future you see there has all come about
Does it show you the girl as she happens to be
A Venus made flesh in a shell full of sea?
Does it show you the shape of my danger?
Can you show me the beautiful stranger?

"I don't run a cinema here, little man
But lean over close and tune in if you can
You breathe on the glass, give a rub with your sleeve
Slip me your wallet, sit tight and believe
And the powers-that-be will arrange a
Pre-release of the beautiful stranger"

In the heart of the glass I saw galaxies born
The eye of the storm and the light of the dawn
And then with a click came a form and a face
That stunned me not only through candour and grace
But because she was really a stranger
A total and beautiful stranger

"Hello there" she said with her hand to her brow
I'm the one you'll meet after the one you know now
There's no room inside here to show you us all
But behind me the queue stretches right down the hall
For the damned there is always a stranger
There is always a beautiful stranger

"That's your lot" said Miss Lee as she turned on the light
"These earrings are hell and I'm through for the night
If they'd put up a booster not far from this pitch
I could screen you your life to the very last twitch
But I can't even get the Lone Ranger
One last word from the beautiful stranger"

"You live in a dream and the dream is a cage"
Said the girl "And the bars nestle closer with age
Your shadow burned white by invisible fire
You will learn how it rankles to die of desire
As you long for the beautiful stranger"
Said the vanishing beautiful stranger

"Here's a wallet for you and five nicker for me"
Said the gypsy "And also here's something for free
Watch your step on my foldaway stairs getting down
And go slow on the flyover back into town
There's a slight but considerable danger
Give my love to the beautiful stranger"

Have You Got A Biro I Can Borrow?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVewSRHeKSQ

Have you got a Biro I can borrow? I'd like to write your name On the palm of my hand, on the walls of the hall The roof of the house, right across the land So when the sun comes up tomorrow It'll look to this side of the hard-bitten planet Like a big yellow button with your name written on it Have you got a Biro I can borrow? I'd like to write some lines In praise of your knee, and the back of your neck And the double-decker bus that brings you to me So when the sun comes up tomorrow It'll shine on a world made richer by a sonnet And a half-dozen epics as long as the Æneid Oh give me a pen and some paper Give me a chisel or a camera A piano and a box of rubber bands I need room for choreography And a darkroom for photography Tie the brush into my hands Have you got a Biro I can borrow? I'd like to write your name From the belt of Orion to the share of the Plough The snout of the Bear to the belly of the Lion So when the sun goes down tomorrow There'll never be a minute Not a moment of the night that hasn't got you in it

There's something out there trapping the freedom.

                                                       Andy Goldsworthy

Whenever feeling utterly bamboozled or bored by life, Bliss, seek a higher perspective.
Because being bamboozled or bored, means there is one.
Yeah,
    The Universe

I woke this morning and it was the first in a couple of days when I wasn't battling with thoughts of what is rational and what is the point. I am not sure what has made the difference, because nothing has changed.
I do know that I do not feel like meeting up with AV and BH on Saturday. Meeting with my dad feels less difficult but then I want to be honest with hm about something and ask for his help with finances for the next month. He will more than likely be angry and hostile which is not what I want.
JB very kindly offered to help so that there is not that extra element of anxiety.

Having already been for a walk with LouLou, just a little village walk, I feel a little more energised and can see hope. I am finding this all so very strange. I am not squashed of all emotions, I have the full range of emotions. So it's not a reaction to the situations in my life, although I am sure the stress and anxiety contributes. I can rationalise and when I read about acceptance and staying in the present etc., I completely see the point and understand intellectually but I have had difficulty making it stick. Yesterday afternoon was the first time I could keep actually bringing it back to being OK in that very moment.
Everything does feel wrong though. No not everything. Some things seem wrong. Where I am living has not seemed right since I moved here but I don't know what to do about it. The rent is so reasonable and affordable. If I were to rent on the open market it would be more than double. Furthermore, there is some permanency here which represents some security too. But like always that also leaves me feeling trapped by it.
I have felt that before - with mortgages on properties, with company cars. I feel a dependency or with the mortgage a responsibility that I must uphold. The crazy thing is I ran away from that responsibility when what I should have done was rented the property out. I was irresponsible with this trapped feeling taking over. But in this case I dependant financially as it's cost conscious ....
This I find is an odd way of looking at things. I wonder if my dad always felt trapped by the trappings? Hence he was always wanting to move. I also don't like staying so long anywhere. It's as if the newness goes and I want to leave all behind. I don't know how else to put this into words. I get a feeling of being unsettled in the settlement.

One thing for sure is hat I am tired of my long days and would prefer home and work to be closer to each other. I do not want to be far from my friends either. Ideally I could leave nearer Farnham.
You see this is very different thinking.Yesterday I just couldn't see the point of anything at all and that the only solution was death.
I would also like to work less. If only I had the confidence to start working in my own practice. The first thing I must do is get my accreditation. It feels a big task with my OU studies going on at the same time, but if I can just get to it then I put myself in a better position in the longterm.
I suppose it would be worth talking with P when I am back at work to see if he knows what is required. Or I could even phone the FDAP once I get the membership renewed by the P. I left that invoice with Neil so that's something to follow up. My guilt for being off sick would normally halt me from doing that. But I really do want to follow through. Including my request for a pay rise in line with the additional work I take on in PD's absence.
I am aware he is very sad with the death of his mum. I feel sorry that right now I am unable to be supportive at work. He said he feels better being at work. I thought that was also him suggesting the same for me, but perhaps that is my own paranoia. I felt that anything ET said was loaded with suggestions that the same applies to me.

I feel relieved to feel slightly better today. I am even enthused to get on with some studying. It helped havings ent through my stats yesterday.

Having been introduced to LP, there is some very awkward communications and I am not sure I can be bothered to keep trying. Whereas another new person is very chatty. I have so many good friends I will not go out of my way - I am much happier standing back a little. I am comfortable making myself available to support RB at ths time of difficulty for her and she is the sister of one of my best friends.

I feel safest at the moment with AB. I wonder if that is because there is little demand, it's easy. Not sure. Don't need to ask why just accept that I feel safe there and with her.

STUDYING!!!!
No doubt I will write more later in my next break
Bliss
XX


This is for JH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHwqYd_G43Y

Music Night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdNAZ8868YE&feature=related
Smog - Vessel in Vain

I cant be held responsible for the things I say
For I am just a vessel in vain
And I cant be held responsible
for the thing I see
For I am just a vessel in vain
No boat out on no ocean
No name there on no hull
And its not a strain at all to remember
Those that Ive left behind
Theyre all standing right here beside me now
And most of them with a smile

My ideals have got me on the run
Towards my connection with everyone
My ideals have got me on the run
Its my connection with everyone

Such free reign
For a vessel in vain



Used in the brilliant film - Dead Man's ShoesWell worth a watch. Shane Meadows.
But I think I overdid him if that makes sense
A Room for Romeo Brass is also brilliant and This is England.

Bliss
xx

I knew someone who understood what it meant to dance the Tango

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&feature=related&hl=uk&v=Ne_2mtGEAzM

Zahra Hindi - Beautiful Tango

Beautiful tango, take me by the hand
Beautiful tango, until you make me dance
How sweet it can be, if you make me dance
How long will it last, baby if we dance?

Come to the, come to the world
Come to the, come to the world
And baby let me show you things
'Cos time is running and we can't lose,
baby come and dance we gonna make it through
'Cos we've got time
Yes we've got time

Beautiful stranger, don't want to know your name
Beautiful stranger, just want to take your hand
How sweet it can be, if you make me dance
How long will it last, baby if we dance?

Come to the place where the skin speaks
Secret words in Spanish
Where the night turns out the lights of day
For us to show some courage

So don't go, if you wanna know
Don't go, if you don't know
Don't go, if you wanna know
Don't go, don't go, don't go
Beautiful stranger, take me by the hand
Make me dance all night
I wanna take the chance
I love the way you move
And the way you
Put your hands on my hips
Are moving while you take it slow
Makes me feel like I'm on a river flow
'Cos we've got time
And yes we've got time

Beautiful stranger, I wanna loose my mind
Beautiful stranger, in the danger of your eyes
Beautiful stranger, oh oh oh oh

I remember, I remember, I remember... your

Sweet music, sweet sweet music, sweet music rising...
 

Elvis gets it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3aD5alrJ78

There was a house half way round the world
And I was invited in for a small taste of gin
There was a hall with a thousand birds long
But the biggest one of them all was in a cage too small

I asked the caretaker 'cause he was the Maker
He looked at me and laughed, took another sip from his glass and said
Open up your ears and hearts
You put a big bird in a small cage and he'll sing you a song
That we all love to sing along
To the sound of the bird that mourns

Well we rolled into town into sweet New Orleans
To the Apple Bell bar there was a hole in the wall
The ceilings weren't tall, the floors weren't grand
But the sound they made just warmed your heart

Well it was a quarter to twelve when the boys walked in
They got their black suits on and the songs would begin
You open up your ears and hearts
You put a big bird in a small cage and he'll sing you a song
That we all love to sing along
To the sound of the bird that mourns
You put a big bird in a small cage and he'll sing you a song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC7JUzrcw4E&feature=related




Can't you see
I love you
Please don't break my heart in two
That's not hard to do
'Cause I don't have a wooden heart
And if you say goodbye
Then I know that I would cry
Maybe I would die
'Cause I don't have a wooden heart
There's no strings upon this love of mine
It was always you from the start
Treat me nice
Treat me good
Treat me like you really should
'Cause I'm not made of wood
And I don't have a wooden heart

Muss i denn, muss i denn
Zum Stadtele hinaus
Stadtele hinaus
Und du, mein schat, bleibst hier?

There's no strings upon this love of mine
It was always you from the start
Sei mir gut
Sei mir gut
Sei mir wie du wirklich sollst
Wie du wirklich sollst
'Cause I don't have a wooden heart

Mending the wing

  Oh! - seems similar and familiar to ideas from me
  


   

   

 

   Cecil painted The Wounded Angel but I cannot find a copy!!
  Wounded Angel Traherne

And now somehow by accident I have found the painting that stirs within me something beyond beautiful whilst also so tragically sad. The angel in Cecil Collins painting seems to either to be sacrificing of self for the love of the planet Earth OR showing great love. And the song to me talks about the sacrifice of true love. Seems similar to me to be the love in The Alchemist when the lovers part for him to complete his journey, she knowing that if he was held back he would eventually resent her.

Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground by Willie Nelson
If you had not have fallen
Then I would not have found you
Angel flying too close to the ground
And I patched up your broken wing
And hung around a while
Tried to keep your spirits up
And your fever down
I knew someday that you would fly away
For Love's the greatest healer to be found
So leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Fly on, fly on past the speed of sound
I'd rather see you up
Than see you down
Leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground

Man! These lyrics suddenly mean so much to me. I wonder if JH would ever realise how deep and real my love was. And I truly would rather seem him up than down, I just have to get over my loss before that can be my only focus with him.


Bliss
XX

Please be kind if I'm in a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then there's those other things
Which for several reasons we wont mention
Everything about em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
With scrappy boys faces have general run of the town

Playing with prodigal sons
Take a lot of sentimental valiums
Cant expect the world to be your raggedy andy
While running on empty you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of lesson in tightropes
Or surfing your high hopes or adios kansas

It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Still there's not a show on my back
Holes or a friendly intervention
Im just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish
A little bit tower of pisa
Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if Im a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
Cigarettes and chocolate milk

Rufus Wainwright

He's just an ordinary boy

Wide Boy - Nik Kershaw

He made a record
it made him famous
yes
it made him a star.
The life and soul of the party
he rocks
he shocks
You never know where you are with him.
He got no sense but he got money
He got no sense but he got overnight success

Exceed excess
exceed excess.

He no big deal
he's just a wide boy

He no big deal
he's just an ordinary guy

Oh me
oh my
oh me
oh my.

He made a movie
he played the driver of a big yellow car.
He is super fab and groovy
he struts and he crows
You never know where you are with him.
He got no sense but he got money
. . .
And with your symmetry teeth and your California tan
I'm here to tell you that you ain't no superman
you're just a wide boy.



It was shown to me how Nik Kershaw is complicated in his rhythm and rifts. And it's very clever to the ear. A bit poppy I always thought but actually I like his songs.
This is a great song. Ego explained brilliantly. Thinking he's a somebody with externals. Some people of course want that. And I am beginning to realise that it's certainly not what I want in the people I am close with. Sincerity, integrity, dignity that is similar to my own. Values that are similar is important. But I would also like to remain teachable to other principles and values so that I continue to grow. I would prefer not too have too much pain in my lessons.

Bliss
XX

Onwards with more studying. Goodness it's sometimes difficult to stay focuses with all this very demanding terminology and complicated knowledge of the ways in which the human body operates. It's incredible!!

Turning a blind eye to inconvenient truths

What a horrid week at work - addiction had a grasp I have rarely witnessed on this one man. Enmeshed with his wife to the extent that they together will kill him. My gosh! People do not see how codependency kills. It's so subtle. It will be the drink that finally does it but it will be the codependency that will drive him to take the drink. This is NEVER OK. It acts as a strong reminder to me the power of the disorder. It kills!
I was exhausted through trying too hard! I feel relief he has gone and guilty for feeling relief but we had to stick rigidly to boundaries. I feel sad that he has one too. Fearful.
I dreamt about the clients last night. But I woke up feeling sick and guilty. I am not sure what caused me to dream that I took one of the clients to his home. (This never ever happens.) I met his wife and was aware his children were there too. He and I then slept there overnight but I was in his bed!!!!! It was not sexual. I woke up in my dream with him cuddling me. I was horrified when I woke in reality. The dream went on - I got up and felt dreadful as his wife was in the house even though actually they were not together anymore. Then I was standing around downstairs chatting with his wife and him, all very friendly and jovially when I sensed in the air it wasn't the weekend. I asked what day it was and they said Monday. It was 9.05 am. I then tried to get ready but realised my clothes were not suitable for work. It was a red dress I loved when I was in my early 20's. It was a such a beautiful dress. I was so skinny then :) .I was trying to put it on but knew it was not suitable so miraculously some other tops of mine were there that I could cover the dress bodice with. But I couldn't get them on quickly enough as I was in such a hurry. I had to get the client back too. Then his little daughter walked in and asked if she could be there. All very embarrassing.
Then we were at a river. ML was there trying to negotiate as always a free bee. I have realised how irritating that can be to me. I am pleased she gets lots of things. But when she does she always pushes for the next thing too. I have witnessed people say yes but not looking happy about it. (This is not dream by the way). It's odd because she is so self conscious in many ways but then the opposite when it comes to things like this. She says well it is their responsibility to say no. I have mentioned in the past that I think she pushes people too far and they are less willing later. Its no big deal but its interesting to observe why I get irritated. I wondered if I am jealous. I don't think so but it's a possibility. I must admit I don't like the idea of being jealous, it's such an ugly emotion or drives ugly behaviour unless very very aware of it. Maybe I am jealous of her courage to ask. Although it just seems rude and taking advantage of already extreme generosity. I would like to clarify that it's not the initial negotiations for something. It's about once having got people to agree on something she then pushes for more. I think I feel that it's taking advantage of niceness an a bit of the killer instinct having found what could be a weakness of generosity then making use of it.
Anyway back to my dream. So we were at this river with ML negotiating with a man who ran a very cheap and makeshift ferry. She wanted some space or something for storage I think. Then I saw JG. We were all talking including the client. When I said to JG Oh No! You are here too!!! We are both late. And I hadn't phoned PD. I phone him well in advance in reality when I am running late. So the fact that I hadn't phoned and my clothes and my guilt of having slept in the bed with the client - oh it was a horrible, horrible feeling.
It was the overwhelming feeling I would get with the chaos when I was using or acting out. I would get what I wanted but there was a high price to pay of mess that I would try to sort out with cover up stories and lies.
In my dream of course I fancied this man. And goodness knows how we ended up at his house, that part of my dream has long gone. But having got what I clearly wanted there was all this mess. And I could feel the shame and guilt but was feeling it not identifying it.
At that point, leaving all of us standing by the river, I woke up. And that's just how it feels that I have woken up leaving all of them there. It's odd. I have woken observing the guilt and shame. I have wondered if I have an attraction  to the client now. I like him very much indeed as a person. He is a very sensitive and gentle man. He is growing in awareness with everyday and realising in a painful way the impact of his drinking on his family whom he loves incredibly. But I do not in anyway fancy him. He is also incredibly intelligent which is always interesting to encounter. It's always so important to acknowledge if there is an attraction to any client so that the boundaries can be continually reinforced. I hope never to end up in a situation like IC. That has been so destructive for him and for her. And I have seen it in others. Frequently clients believe they love, but of course there's a lot of dysfunction in that very situation.
For some reason his particular dreams seems very relevant but why I do not know.

I think I a feeling quite fragile. The work has been really tough this week. And whilst I have been driven a little bonkers by client a I am also picking up all this sensitivity from client b and feeling for him. I am not sure when he has ever been able to allow himself to feel. He is very depressed too. I also assessed a young girl already being so deeply affected by sex and love addiction. When I described her behaviours to her, she was shocked that I knew her so well - her highs and the deeply painful lows. She is so beautiful and charming and youthful I truly hope she decides to come in for treatment because she can have the chance to arrest this now and not live the rest of her life through the agony of escalating love addiction. It kills! She deserves to learn how to love herself now. And then enjoy the rest of her life, free.
Yes I think I am feeling a lot of weight of this illness.

Studying today. I do feel a real need for some interesting socialising.
I will see friends tomorrow and an evening of fun is planned. And I may visit another friend this evening or go to a meeting I am not sure which. It is a beautifully sunny morning so I will take a walk amongst the trees now.

Watch her disappear Tom Waits

Last night I dreamed that I was dreaming of you
And from a window across the lawn I watched you undress
Wearing your sunset of purple tightly woven around your hair
That rose in strangled ebony curls
Moving in a yellow bedroom light
The air is wet with sound
The faraway yelping of a wounded dog
And the ground is drinking a slow faucet leak
Your house is so soft and fading as it soaks the black summer heat
A light goes on and the door opens
And a yellow cat runs out on the stream of hall light and into the yard

A wooden cherry scent is faintly breathing the air
I hear your champagne laugh
You wear two lavender orchids
One in your hair and one on your hip
A string of yellow carnival lights comes on with the dusk
Circling the lake with a slowly dipping halo
And I hear a banjo tango

And you dance into the shadow of a black poplar tree
And I watched you as you disappeared
I watched you as you disappeared
I watched you as you disappeared
I watched you as you disappeared


The other night I dreamt of my mum. I do;t knw where we were but she was sitting in an armchair and I was next to her but on the floor. I had my arm next to ehrs on the arm of the chair and I could feel her skin on my skin. I like the feel of my mum's soft skin. I said to her that I was all bloated up and couldn't bear it. She said " Iam too and everyone is here, look". I felt extreme angst at not being understood that whilst it was OK for everyone to be the same but I just am not used to it or liking it or wanting to get used to it. I shouted at my mum it's horrid and not OK. I woke up. I like meeting my mum in my dreams. I asked her to look after my cousin. It was a weird dream though. I never meet her in dreams, it;s always in a nowhere type place - nothing else happening, just really me with her. Usually I don't remember what we have spoken about.
It;s a while since I have met wth her. I am grateful for the opportunity. I miss her nonetheless and shed a tear for her.

Bliss
X