An interesting conversation - the difference between erotica and pornography. A debate that I believe has been very heated around people like Mapplethorpe. After some deliberation my colleague and I can up with the thoughts that the artist might create something that is perhaps motivated by some experience from the past, such as sexual abuse. So by it's nature it may be sexually arousing for some but the motive is from something quite different. After a night sleeping on the topic my colleague returned with an expansion on our discussion saying that she thought it was the intent that makes a difference. So I suppose the motive and the intent combined might contribute to the difference between erotica and porn. It would be interesting to know what others thought about this.
The problem is that if it were a matter for a court hearing say, then it would be very difficult to prove or disprove motive and intent. I wonder what Mapplethorpe's story would be?
I am avoiding looking at the last question of part 1 of my assignment. I want to get it done and then call it a day. I am behind studies after having been so ill for so many weeks - 6 weeks! And I have been beating myself up of course for not having got any studying done in that time. The reality is that I was not capable otherwise I would have done like I have been doing this last couple of weeks!!
I had an interesting thought whilst I was walking LouLou this afternoon.
I suddenly had another pang of missing JH. It is still there but thankfully lessening in frequency although not intensity.
I had just moments before been thinking I wanted chocolate and crisps and junk food. I knew that the writing of my assignment was contributing to wanting to escape through food but it also seemed more - emptiness again. I realised that I miss being able to be childlike in my creative thinking and experiences with someone. As I walk around I see little things and have funny little encounters or experiences that I had learnt I could share easily with JH. And more importantly he encouraged that with his enthusiasm and interest and of course sharing his own similar experiences - all in a day of just being. I became aware that I feel that hole hugely. And then I was so sad as it was apparent that he was like a daddy in that sense. My own father would never tolerate such little events - they were meaningless to him and to some extent my mum too. I had to be much more grown up and living play like that was discouraged. I was able to share this with ML and as I did I was crying with the sadness of always being a little girl having to play on my own and no one to share or be encouraged by to develop those things that are like magic to me. Fantastical and things that make me go ahhhhhh!
Friends would hear me I know but they would never be as available as JH was - any moment in a day I would Whatsapp those little moments.
So it was a relief to understand that loss. And the enmeshment even so of the little girl in me wanting to be loved and acknowledged just for being in the magic. So wanting my own daddy to love me and join in.
I remember my mum sitting down one day and playing dolls with me. It was so much fun. We made up such a great story and dressed and undressed the dolls for each step of the unfolding dolls life. It was wonderful and a time I always remember with deep love and joy. My mum and I were close and she read to me etc. But she was a busy lady. And there wasn't so much of that. Mostly I was alone. I have a lump in my throat trying to hold the tears in again. Not tears of deep depression. Just tears of sadness as more grunge is cleared out and acknowledgement of pain is the start of freedom from pain leading to contentment. I am pleased to be able to explore and feel and move beyond when the feeling has been spent and not a moment before.
Growth and enlightenment.
I loved my time last evening and today with ML. We laugh and talk and mull things over - it's mainly very very easy with her. There are times when we rub each other up the wrong way but generally she is someone I feel so comfortable being me with. I am glad she is home safe and sound. I value her enormously.
I am hoping to hear from AM - she was spending the weekend at the boat and was planning on talking earnestly with Iv. Well I have heard nothing so I am assuming she had a lovely weekend. I think it was his birthday today. Next Saturday she says she is bringing him to my birthday thingy.
Well it will be interesting to meet with him. But he will be the only man there. I would love to invite some male friends but once they are with girlfriends they are less able to come out to play it seems.
Mind you JB would not be good company. He is another person who puts a dampener on play. I was talking to him about the photography and the exhibition we are going to put on. He then bashed on about how anyone can take photos these days as everything is so automatic. Blast him - belongs with my dad and others like him. Dashing creativity and yet he is so much into creating. I think he is bitter actually - has to dash it all to sabotage before he is sabotaged!!
I feel for him. It's been a long life of not getting the break he has wanted and he is so angry with everyone else about that.
Universe, please could you help him to find contentment and peace - and well being generally. Lift hi from this quagmire he is in. Thank you.
Please also help PD find some relief from his pain. I hear him despite him not saying anything. Thank you.
Please help JH to have everything he wants and to be happy. Thank you.
Please help ML to feel at ease. Thank you.
Please help AM to be at ease and to have the baby that she wishes for. Thank you.
Please give CS some relief from her pain and ailments within her life on planet Earth. Thank you.
Please help AB to be free from the prison in her head. Thank you.
Please look after my dad and help him to be happy with everything he has ever wanted. Thank you.
OK thank you Universe. Please release me from the bondage of self and to carry out your will for me - I trust that I will be shown as it is meant to be revealed. Thank you.
Bliss
XX
The problem is that if it were a matter for a court hearing say, then it would be very difficult to prove or disprove motive and intent. I wonder what Mapplethorpe's story would be?
I am avoiding looking at the last question of part 1 of my assignment. I want to get it done and then call it a day. I am behind studies after having been so ill for so many weeks - 6 weeks! And I have been beating myself up of course for not having got any studying done in that time. The reality is that I was not capable otherwise I would have done like I have been doing this last couple of weeks!!
I had an interesting thought whilst I was walking LouLou this afternoon.
I suddenly had another pang of missing JH. It is still there but thankfully lessening in frequency although not intensity.
I had just moments before been thinking I wanted chocolate and crisps and junk food. I knew that the writing of my assignment was contributing to wanting to escape through food but it also seemed more - emptiness again. I realised that I miss being able to be childlike in my creative thinking and experiences with someone. As I walk around I see little things and have funny little encounters or experiences that I had learnt I could share easily with JH. And more importantly he encouraged that with his enthusiasm and interest and of course sharing his own similar experiences - all in a day of just being. I became aware that I feel that hole hugely. And then I was so sad as it was apparent that he was like a daddy in that sense. My own father would never tolerate such little events - they were meaningless to him and to some extent my mum too. I had to be much more grown up and living play like that was discouraged. I was able to share this with ML and as I did I was crying with the sadness of always being a little girl having to play on my own and no one to share or be encouraged by to develop those things that are like magic to me. Fantastical and things that make me go ahhhhhh!
Friends would hear me I know but they would never be as available as JH was - any moment in a day I would Whatsapp those little moments.
So it was a relief to understand that loss. And the enmeshment even so of the little girl in me wanting to be loved and acknowledged just for being in the magic. So wanting my own daddy to love me and join in.
I remember my mum sitting down one day and playing dolls with me. It was so much fun. We made up such a great story and dressed and undressed the dolls for each step of the unfolding dolls life. It was wonderful and a time I always remember with deep love and joy. My mum and I were close and she read to me etc. But she was a busy lady. And there wasn't so much of that. Mostly I was alone. I have a lump in my throat trying to hold the tears in again. Not tears of deep depression. Just tears of sadness as more grunge is cleared out and acknowledgement of pain is the start of freedom from pain leading to contentment. I am pleased to be able to explore and feel and move beyond when the feeling has been spent and not a moment before.
Growth and enlightenment.
I loved my time last evening and today with ML. We laugh and talk and mull things over - it's mainly very very easy with her. There are times when we rub each other up the wrong way but generally she is someone I feel so comfortable being me with. I am glad she is home safe and sound. I value her enormously.
I am hoping to hear from AM - she was spending the weekend at the boat and was planning on talking earnestly with Iv. Well I have heard nothing so I am assuming she had a lovely weekend. I think it was his birthday today. Next Saturday she says she is bringing him to my birthday thingy.
Well it will be interesting to meet with him. But he will be the only man there. I would love to invite some male friends but once they are with girlfriends they are less able to come out to play it seems.
Mind you JB would not be good company. He is another person who puts a dampener on play. I was talking to him about the photography and the exhibition we are going to put on. He then bashed on about how anyone can take photos these days as everything is so automatic. Blast him - belongs with my dad and others like him. Dashing creativity and yet he is so much into creating. I think he is bitter actually - has to dash it all to sabotage before he is sabotaged!!
I feel for him. It's been a long life of not getting the break he has wanted and he is so angry with everyone else about that.
Universe, please could you help him to find contentment and peace - and well being generally. Lift hi from this quagmire he is in. Thank you.
Please also help PD find some relief from his pain. I hear him despite him not saying anything. Thank you.
Please help JH to have everything he wants and to be happy. Thank you.
Please help ML to feel at ease. Thank you.
Please help AM to be at ease and to have the baby that she wishes for. Thank you.
Please give CS some relief from her pain and ailments within her life on planet Earth. Thank you.
Please help AB to be free from the prison in her head. Thank you.
Please look after my dad and help him to be happy with everything he has ever wanted. Thank you.
OK thank you Universe. Please release me from the bondage of self and to carry out your will for me - I trust that I will be shown as it is meant to be revealed. Thank you.
Bliss
XX
