Naughty picnic Manet - dejeuner sur l'herbe

Cloak of darkness - The Little Prince

The prince went slowly through the forest. His beautiful horse was silent. The sky was taking on the color of roses. "Will I be in time?" the prince wondered. He remembered what the magician had told him. "Night is your only enemy. Once it has cast its cloak of darkness over the world and you cannot tell the shadow of a dog from that of a wolf, you will know it is too late and that your beautiful lady is lost forever. Hurry if you love her." The prince's heart was pounding.

Miracle or unpleasant surprise!

There are only miracles, Bliss, and to one degree or another they all soothe, pamper, and enrich. However, to avoid blowing too many minds at once, some are disguised as unpleasant surprises, botched circumstances, and twisted acquaintances that can rarely be seen for who or what they truly are until the pendulum has fully swung.
Yes... don't I think of everything?
Duck!
The Universe

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day,to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight,and never stop fighting.
~ E.E. Cummings

Not sure if I have anything to write today.

Yes I have. Today a client completed 26 days. This is a miracle. She has been in before and didn't complete the programme. And this time she came in for just 2 weeks and nearly left every other day. Somehow we worked with her and she has really brought about monumental changes. I was pissed off today though as one of my colleagues who seems to be losing the plot slightly was very judgemental towards her. And with this was in my opinion not so therapeutic with her. The challenge was fair but did not take into consideration her dual diagnosis. My colleague did not see the wonder of this person. She is simply one of the loveliest and funniest people without any arrogance or indignance. Wow! She is a survivor.
I did something I never ever do. I have her my telephone number and said that if she was in trouble or needed support she could call me. She seemed amazed which wasn't the purpose. I already received just the loveliest of texts from her.
She is a marvel. I have been very fortunate this year to encounter some real treasures of people through my work. People who will forever be cherished in my heart. Everyone is special to me but some are more special than others. I try not to show any favouritism. I truly hope to exemplify an equality for all clients. There are some I don't like so much. Some who are still within the cycle of hellfire addiction within their sobriety. There are evil streaks in people and that always indicates to me that addiction or some process lives on in them. Or sometimes it is an attitude of indifference towards others - self centredness. Addiction breeds selfishness and self centredness.

I witness miracles working through people on a daily basis. How very, very lucky I am.

I have a concern. JH.
My concern is that he will now be afraid of stating openly what he is doing with whom. For example this evening he went to a gig and said he was going with the father of his daughters friend. It turns out her mother was there. I suspected this. JH told me he went with the father and mother and it sounded all spontaneous.
Perhaps it was but I think JH will be hesitant to speak openbly and honestly. Now this is where boundaries can make a person feel confident and comfortable whatever they are doing with whom.

SH and I were putting together a workshop on boundaries. We have a lecture but both of us prefer to use the time in a workshop style than delieering lecture style information. So we took the bare bones of the already prepared lecture and started working on firstly definining boundaries and establishing where they come from and what informs them. We were describing the ripple effect and how different people are permitted to be closer or kept further away from our centre.
                               
         Lover                  Peers                                                                                      Abuser
ME  
             Family    Friends                             Boss                                                                          
                                              Work Colleagues


So we were looking at how values inform a person boundaries.
We looked at the ripple effect .

Chilly jilly

It's damned cold!!!!!

I am feeling upset. JH had invited me to the US with him. Then with all that's going on he has boked his trip but what seems like half heartedly asking me again. It really does seem half hearted as he seems to be telling me I am not going.
This sort of thing then leads me back to wondering what is actually going on?
I said in a text that I was thinking about it and his responses actually talk about him being disappointed that I am not going.
I wonder if JH knows what he wants around this? If he wants to be on his own then surely just tell me.
This then taps into him telling ES he wanted to go on his own. And alal thw while he knew he was planning on meeting up with IL at that particular time. Oh - just shut up Bliss!!!!
I keep remidning myself that I will have to put trust in this relationship again - it's just difficult after so much turmoil over the last months.

I am going to bed.
Tired
Bliss

xx

Nice evening in some ways. Good chat with ML and RB
And about all sorts of things - the power of language - I always surprise myself how much I can tap into information I seem to have learnt

Ego

Ego is basically a belief system about yourself that is a total lie!! It’s basic message is “I’m not enough”. Take all your problems to this.


So nothing or no one is ever enough. It’s biggest weapon is guilt and shame. That demands attack & punishment to you & others.

All it has is the past to call on. There is no hope of today, NOW when ego is in operation. It recalls every hurt, slight & pin prick. It keeps us in negativity & sickness. Past, past & more past!!!!

The ego is I, Me, Mine, My etc. Self.

Written by my friend P in Spain. I wille xpand upon this I think.

metaphor versus allegory

metaphor -
met·a·phor   /ˈmɛtəˌfɔr, -fər/
[met-uh-fawr, -fer]
–noun
1. a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in “A mighty fortress is our god.” Compare mixed metaphor, simile
2. something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol.
 
al·le·go·ry   /ˈæləˌgɔri, -ˌgoʊri/
[al-uh-gawr-ee, -gohr-ee]
–noun, plural -ries.
1. a representation of an abstract or spiritual meaning through concrete or material forms; figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of another.
2. a symbolical narrative: the allegory of Piers Plowman.
3. emblem.

Loss

http://harrytijm.exto.nl/gallery/page/id/361095.html

If JH and I are no longer in contact I would feel a deep sense of loss. Not just him the person but all the things that we share in conversation. His ideas and thoughts about ideas and thoughts I have. I would miss him introducing me to photographers and sculptors (as above). I would like more time to discus with him what he particularly likes about particular photographs or paintings or sculptures. Or indeed films and so on.
I would miss being along for his discovery of all things life-like. I would miss the exxcitement of self discovery.
I wonder but knowing he will read this don't cast this in stone, I wonder if we are friends if he no longer sees me as his lover. This is just positing ideas.

This sculpture above is absolutely relevant to me. Although the name of the piece evokes some distaste so I will rename it for my own benefit. But it evokes in me a feeling that I have felt with JH. Sensuality. This I would lose too. I wonder if this is already lost?
Lying in my bed all alone, I have felt his arms around me, his warmth permeating into me. I would lose this ever happening again.






SONNET 130 - Shakespeare
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.