Gentle stroke are needed. It is very easy for me to give myself a hard time as the bad person. In this relationship with JH neither of us are the bad person. The situation is how it is and it hasn't completely fitted.
I hate it though. I have really strong feelings and all the things that were good between us were very good. Now I can only have access if we develop our friendship and that I don't fully know how to do. But the deeper intimacy of a loving relationship is not accessible to me and for that I am grieving.
The way I turn in on myself is then going on to think - my thinking can be so harsh on me. Damn it's hard being me sometimes.
Yesterday was a lovely ay with ML and her friend V?. V was in a state of confusion and took some time to talk about what is going on. Busy woman, 2 jobs with lots of hours in each, boyfriend, fellowhsip meetings with commitments, preparing to restart studying. She is very giving. And the way she described it sounded as if she does not ake time for herself and then is drained and without a sense of self. We could relate on many things yesterday. ML has always said she thinkgs V and I have many similarities. I could recognise myself in her. Thre are some actions I can take to help myself.
I will put together a weekly timetable to include study time and meeetings which all damned well ahve to fit aroudn work. That takes most of my time and is not actually my priority so much now.
AM and ML like e wish to resume our monthly long walks. I loved that when we did it each month - a different location, a great pub for lunch. It meant that we had quality time together, talking and laughing. And we also got to visit different parts of the countryside and then enjoy great nosh!! What a lovely way to spend time with people I love to be with. What I did notice is that we haven't ever really engaged with much culture of other sorts along the way. So maybe when I research my choices I will include things to see along the route and people to encounter perhaps.
On New Years Day we bumped ito a group of people also walking. Briefly one of the men stopped to talkn about how he had found a treasure - he he - I could truly appreciate his enjoyment from a piece of interesting rock. We talked briefly and passed on. It was such a simple encounter him asing if I wanted a picture of his treasure as I was taking a picture of the kiln. Nice!
Where was I. Oh yes ML's trifle. Oh my gosh she was so proud of her trifle.
I hate it though. I have really strong feelings and all the things that were good between us were very good. Now I can only have access if we develop our friendship and that I don't fully know how to do. But the deeper intimacy of a loving relationship is not accessible to me and for that I am grieving.
The way I turn in on myself is then going on to think - my thinking can be so harsh on me. Damn it's hard being me sometimes.
Yesterday was a lovely ay with ML and her friend V?. V was in a state of confusion and took some time to talk about what is going on. Busy woman, 2 jobs with lots of hours in each, boyfriend, fellowhsip meetings with commitments, preparing to restart studying. She is very giving. And the way she described it sounded as if she does not ake time for herself and then is drained and without a sense of self. We could relate on many things yesterday. ML has always said she thinkgs V and I have many similarities. I could recognise myself in her. Thre are some actions I can take to help myself.
I will put together a weekly timetable to include study time and meeetings which all damned well ahve to fit aroudn work. That takes most of my time and is not actually my priority so much now.
AM and ML like e wish to resume our monthly long walks. I loved that when we did it each month - a different location, a great pub for lunch. It meant that we had quality time together, talking and laughing. And we also got to visit different parts of the countryside and then enjoy great nosh!! What a lovely way to spend time with people I love to be with. What I did notice is that we haven't ever really engaged with much culture of other sorts along the way. So maybe when I research my choices I will include things to see along the route and people to encounter perhaps.
Where was I. Oh yes ML's trifle. Oh my gosh she was so proud of her trifle.
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