Acceptance is the answer to all my problems

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” (Anon)

Believe this too with a real sincerity. I can even feel it most of the time.
But right now something is stopping me from sensing it in my soul. How does this happen????~
I truly invest in accepting the imperfections not as being OK but as simply being there and the contentment comes through dealing with them appropriately- sometimes ignoring them but often it means doing something differently to work around them. Making changes.
It's so hard when I still have JH in mind. I have to realise that he is gone. I am grieving. There is no JH and I. It's still painful as there has remained a spark of hope and I am beginning to realise that is not possible so the grieving starts in earnest. Yuch! Pain! I also think he would not be comfortable with anything other than positive. He didn't seem to be too at ease with emotions that are not on the positive side. I could be completely wrong in my judgement there and would happily take it back if I were. It's just a sense I got.

Acting as if I believe I can do it even if I don't actually believe it, I have had a nice light lunch. A whole wheat pitta with smoked salmon, quark and salad. Followed by an apple. Actually already had a pear earlier. Tonight I think will be jacket pot with tuna and quark and a pear.
I am going for another rapid walk with AB at 4pm.

Had a long chat with JB - poor him just listening, being very encouraging and hearing how I am feeling without trying to fix me.

I have counted one slide - try to do the two others before I get ready for the walk. I am concerned about LouLou, she sleeps a lot more these days and sleeps separately from me. Maybe she cannot bear to see me struggling either.

Wow! I have counted the cFos at last and submitted my counts!! That feels better - as if I have achieved something today. Well 2 things actually.
I had a lovely conversation with T too. Two days running we have spoken and I have felt lifted somewhat. Despite the fact that she is considering moving away> I should not like that at all. So I am careful to be honest that for selfish reasons I wish her to stay so any opinion I give in answer to her questions could be biased.
What I did say though is to keep speaking about things - she has two weeks before she has to make a decision and accept or reject the job offer. So in that time she can keep talking about it and I am certain the right decision will become obvious. Most importantly she needs to be talking with her children - a big and difficult move for them. And T needs to consider carefully the potential impact on them at a very crucial age and time for them.
Poo to her leaving!! Hoorah for energy and adventurous spirit. Wish I had more courage. The thing is she would be moving to improve her income and she has some investment - I have nothing and feel very ashamed of this!
Choices - darn it! I cannot regret though as that will take me back down again. Gosh my thinking is so negative. I am telling msyelf that this makes me such a loser in the eyes of others. And I feel like running away so not even working tpwards keeping thigns going - grrrr - how negatively I view myself in this frame of mind.

Off to get ready for a beautifully sunny walk with my friend

Bliss
XX