Chasing nothings

There is nothing in this world, yet everyone is madly pursuing this nothing - some more, some less.

- Sri Anandmayi Ma

I was at the Tate Modern yesterday. As I got closer to the exhibition room where Miro's 150 pieces of work were I felt an excitement rising in me. There were some that totally sucked me in. Others I looked at and liked. I was amused by him too at times.
There was in particular I really liked - Le repas des fermiers. It was fairly early if I remember correctly, maybe 1924 or some time around then. He was already very much representational and more surreal.
I was surprised there was little mention of his inspiration taken from the Dutch Interior paintings. Nothing at all. I am certain the uses of symbolism were very much a part of that inspiration.
It was interesting as the commentary around the gallery linked a lot of the work with his political viewpoints and of course a lot of the time he was painting during the civil war. But I wonder how much is really known what was going on in his thoughts. My friend and I were saying how if said with conviction and associating specific symbols with ideals and emotions. But it would be very easy to asociate them with other issues. We identified a lot of sexual references and anger. Not knowing his life story, we wrote his story from our imaginative interpretation of what we saw in his work.
My friend pointed out that his series of 50 black and white images were very similar to some of what I call my doodles. I was flattered. And laughed.

I have to go and get ready. I have been procrastinating since 6:30 this morning. Such an early waking after such a late sleeping. I am not sleeping well. So much goes through my mind. Too much goes through my mind. I think I have noticed a slight lift in my mood these last few days. I may even have been a little manic on Thursday which of course I love. After experiencing the wonder of the UCL buildings and stimulated visually again yesterday, I think that lifts my mood immensely but I think there is no ceiling to it. I get higher and higher. I love it of course. I was ready to start sketching today b ut have to damn well go out. Oh well.
I realise it takes great great courage to add to a sketch my own symbolism or interpretations of feelings. It's off the beaten track. Oddly though people have preferred the less usual things I have sketched. Interesting. Maybe it shows a creativity from within that a staright forward sketch copy doesn't reveal. Is that how it is for me when I look at art like that. When I look at the wonder of Vermeer and the detail and the eactness, but the depth and the inside view - it goes deeper and is layered and gives me a sense of him not the painting itself. And similarly, Miro's earlier work did something similar. Whilst I wondered in pleasure at some of the later work, there was less of a sense of him I think apart from the prolificacy I sense. Almost as if painting was like turning page after page of a book, racing towards the end to know the outcome. An urgency?

And this I can relate to the mad pursuance. In search of something  that perhaps isn;t there and is here all along. As I was looing at his works, I wanted to have one. To own something he had created. Not a copy but an original just to feel that energy. I get this feeling for so many things and then settle for a copy of second best and it becomes just another thing I have spent money on and now own amongst other things I own. However, I have started putting art on my walls. Copied of course and some orginals from friends. And I can look at it and appreciate the work. I wanted every book I opened, I wanted every copy I saw. I bought one copy - the farm at Mont-Roig. A very early piece of work. I loved the original. I feel very honoured to have seen it. I love the Vermeers that JH bought for me. I adored the original - breathless when I stood and embraced it with my eyes.
I appreciate the pieces of work my friends have given me.
But actually I need none - I have experienced the real thing and somewhere in the electricity wtihin my brain it will reside. If I forget then it is of no consequence, I have experienced and there is always room for experience. I am glad I did not purchase all that I wanted there on the spot.

I am off tog et ready - bath, drive, walk then lunch. I don;t need any more food for a week I think!!

Bliss
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