Stuck stuck stuck

I am trying to say that the fact that there are a number of theories that have been devloped since Heider's initial theory of attribution, suggests that there is something in the

Gosh the mist is so low I can no longer see the hill. Is it a very very low cloud?

Ok foudn a way to say that. Now I am really wanting to distract from my essay but ....... what I want to go on and talk about next is biases and the value that this has brough to us understanding how this has helped understand how people perceive and explain their environment.
Bias seems to keep us safe in a kind of denial way - in a way that keep us from being responsible or for being in the safe group. And there are attribution theories of bias - Tajfels SIT theory of ingroup outgroup somehow seems to support what it si I am trying to say - I can't bring it all together. I can see that there is this research from another poitn of view - a more wualitative view which concludes that attributions a re taking place. So that shows that attributions theories are taking place in how we perceive and explan the world.
How the hell do I bring this all together???????


Ended up doing myself a roast vegetable feast with oven baked salmon and garlic with brussels and curly kale. Finally followed with a nearly badly burnt but only slightly blackened fruit scone with as far as I could tell no fruit! Tecsco cheap-skates (is that the term?)
And having only just finished at 21.13 - very very late for dinner.

The good news is I have done 1300 words - just 200 more to go????!!!!!

The machine-based logical models of information shortcomings -

Gosh I am tired but so nearly nearly there! Now going to be over the word count . Bloody hell
Boring boring blog writer signing out. Night

Balk at people attempting to control me

I heard this today when someone was sharing about being controlling and balking at attempts by others to control her. Wow, that's it. I react very badly when it feels as if people are trying to control. Manipulation, outward and obvious control, in whatever form I sense it and lash out.
I have sensed it - P...., parents, V......, when she shared about not knowing whether it's food type cravings or emotions. I can't think of any more examples right at this moment.
I lashed out at P when I felt as if she was labelling and boxing me into a corner, I had to respond to V's text about sweet things thinking, although I didn't believe she would, that she was criticising me eating all food types include sweet things. I feel it with H. I was talking about a recent OA reading about opinions and the fine line in having opinions and sharing them to have a voice int he world or keeping quiet because my opinions do not need to be out there. She told me it's OK to have opinions and voice them. I feel controlled by her and I really really have a huge resentment with her. She winds me up. She assumes I know nothing. She treats me like a fool. That's how I feel. Higher Power, how do I deal with that. Do I have my voice. Clearly there is a voice to be heard. If I could say anything to her without having to be loving and caring I would say "look, it's not that I don't know intellectually. It's up for discussion, how different people deal with this. I bloody well know it's OK to have opinions, I have them. I know too that I can be controlling with them and other times I can feel to worthless to think my opinions count. I was then confused by the reading and you come out with "it's OK to have opinions" I know that you stupid stupid woman. But what I would like to know is what you think the reading is referring to". The problem is I didn't have the reading to hand.
So how would I say that without being so offensive?
I was glad to speak with V and apologise for my sensitivity but glad to recognise within the meeting that I am so so sensitive to even the slightest hint of control and that's what I was reading. She said it wasn't mean that way and that was fie I think. My codependency is taking it all on that now I have offended her by saying ow I felt even though she wasn't and blah blah blah.
Bloody hell the complications of relating with people. I guess other people either aren't as sensitive or I over analyse. I am pretty anxious about a lot of things at the moment and very uncertain of myself.
I think this is based on the fact that I have been off sick this week when really I would have been well enough to work. I wish now I had returned to work instead of staying at home to do my essay and I have done barely anything. Guilt is what is causing my anxiety I believe. I hope I can learn from this lesson.
I am so so pleased for T being offered exhibits for her work and with an income from it. An agency offering to take her on is great. Although she could do it herself and have all the income it's not her area of expertise and trying to do the admin removes her from being creative. There's a fine line in there somewhere. I think I would have negotiated on the 35% fee for exhibitions that approach T direct and she hands over to the agent. And maybe even on the 50/50 for agency located exhibits. And the agent isn't even handling her paintings only her sculptures. There was definitely room for negotiation there but as I know myself it takes bloody courage and real self esteem, belief to negotiate.
I wish I had not taken last week off. Please HP don't let it ruin my chances with the P. I am afraid that I will get bad references and they will withdraw their offer.

Guess what I am stuck on my essay. I so need to finish it this evening to get it off to a few readers. I need to get on with the study calendar. I am getting so behind. It's causing more pressure and less head space to get the blinking essay done - aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

HP please can you help me find serenity to accept - people attempting to control in whatever shape or form it arrives. And please show me how to respond appropriately. And HP please help me to accept the consequences of my taking last week off and trust that the best thing will happen.
I feel as if I will be reprimanded and punished for doing something so wrong. I am finding it difficult to believe that HP will not punish me severely. My HP is all loving and nothing is done to punish. I am riddled with anxiety and guilt and that feels horrid all brought on by myself and not by HP. If the P receive bad references and withdraw their offer it is my doing not punishment from HP. It is just how things are. What I need serenity is that it is out of my hands and all I can do is wait and see.

Right back to the essay.
Oh I had lunch late and feel very full up. That's something I need to learn. When I have finished a meal I want more immediately but if I leave it a while I feel quite full. Right now I would not be ready to eat until later. As I finished my lunch at about 2.30 I propose to have dinner about 8pm. This is later than I would prefer. It is suggested to have finished eating by 7.30. Well I will see how I feel at 7pm, 1 and 1/2 hours from now. What will I have? left over fish pie, brussell sprouts, carrots and curly kale. The protein seems little and the carbs too. But I can have a toasted scone for pud which is all carb. That should be ok huh?
Phew for some reason my dinner seems a real problem. I don't know why sometimes the actual content seems to be problematic. Oh well eat it and see.

Ok Ok back to the essay. NOW!