Oh my gosh! This is so vry difficult being in a relationsship with G. I'm glad that I went to the B's alone today. It would have been a worry for me if G had been there. I could just relax into being with them and at ease. I wasn't feeling 100% still. This flipping virus or whatever it is! I didn't go for a walk and instead fell asleep in front of the fire. It was lovely. I stoked it up and it flamed away warming me to the bones.
Then we had a game of Scrabble and I sent a message to G. Nothing. He has gone visiting with Mrs E again. I just can't handle this. What is it I can't handle though? He ssays he does not want Mrs E at all and yet he eants to be there. He prefers to be there actually. He says it's the dogs and the place itself. But then there is the contradiction that she is his friend. Unless she is drinking and then she is a nuisance. When he's there he cannot recive calls or texts from me. When he is here she texts he responds often. What is this thing? He is afraid he says of upsetting her because there is the chance she will withdraw the facility to visit the dogs and the place. Really he needs to make a choice. Or does he? If I was just accepting and less insecure and not jealous then wouldn't it all be okay? I defy anyuone to be perfectly at ease with this situation. And after all he gets suspicious of my interaction with men or so he says. I think I will simply have the contact freely and not try to be discreet in fear of upsetting him. I have nothing to hide.
I became very agitated when arranging to leave the B's so that I could be hiome as prescribed - around 6 ish. But there was no response and no facility to call G as his phone went straight to answer machine. Then I started wondering if he migt go to the Wed Haslemere meeting which had been a possibility for me. I thought he might be going with Mrs E. Well my imagination fired up in that way I was geting madder by the minute. I hate this feeling of neediness and suspicion. I want it to go away please Universe. What do I do? Do I end this to save myself from going crazy? I am happier on my own I think. Or am I?
The thing is I don't like all of G. He's very shy of work and therefore has little or no money. He is unenthused for anything very much other than walking or visiting the Castle of Mrs E as they call it.
He is creative in so many ways and yet uses none of the amazing qualities he has fully. He uses them I guess just as much as he feels he wants to. But it's really not going places for me. I am feeling bored. Not with him but with myself. I am not doing the things I enjoy doing in favour of spending time with him.
I'm going around in circles.
So what do I do? I need to speak to more people about it. I certainly need some time for myself. This means having that conversation with him. It's flippping frigtening having to be frank about these things.
I need to do more talking and will do with my sponsor in the morning.
It would be sensible to not be spending so much time with him. Then I will also find out if this has just been better than the Pit. Tha's his name for his flat which he describes as disgusting.
I really do want for him to be content with life and to have happy days. But that is only so much easier when I'm not attached in any way.
So I'm so full of confusion there is nothing really more to write.
I'm watching The Importance of Being Earnest. A comedy by Oscar Wilde which of course anyone even half well read would already know. I am very uneducated. A good Victorian play of mistaken identity that also eludes to hidden identities such as in Twelfth Night. I suppose nothing is ever entirely a novel idea. Anyhow this is quite amusing and good to watch a film made. I wish I was a more avid reader. I'm laxy about reading.
Empire gave it 3 stars. I would tend to agree. It's not great but watchable and entertaining.
Yesterday evening I watched an enchanting film called Stardust. It was amusing but not a great.
Then we had a game of Scrabble and I sent a message to G. Nothing. He has gone visiting with Mrs E again. I just can't handle this. What is it I can't handle though? He ssays he does not want Mrs E at all and yet he eants to be there. He prefers to be there actually. He says it's the dogs and the place itself. But then there is the contradiction that she is his friend. Unless she is drinking and then she is a nuisance. When he's there he cannot recive calls or texts from me. When he is here she texts he responds often. What is this thing? He is afraid he says of upsetting her because there is the chance she will withdraw the facility to visit the dogs and the place. Really he needs to make a choice. Or does he? If I was just accepting and less insecure and not jealous then wouldn't it all be okay? I defy anyuone to be perfectly at ease with this situation. And after all he gets suspicious of my interaction with men or so he says. I think I will simply have the contact freely and not try to be discreet in fear of upsetting him. I have nothing to hide.
I became very agitated when arranging to leave the B's so that I could be hiome as prescribed - around 6 ish. But there was no response and no facility to call G as his phone went straight to answer machine. Then I started wondering if he migt go to the Wed Haslemere meeting which had been a possibility for me. I thought he might be going with Mrs E. Well my imagination fired up in that way I was geting madder by the minute. I hate this feeling of neediness and suspicion. I want it to go away please Universe. What do I do? Do I end this to save myself from going crazy? I am happier on my own I think. Or am I?
The thing is I don't like all of G. He's very shy of work and therefore has little or no money. He is unenthused for anything very much other than walking or visiting the Castle of Mrs E as they call it.
He is creative in so many ways and yet uses none of the amazing qualities he has fully. He uses them I guess just as much as he feels he wants to. But it's really not going places for me. I am feeling bored. Not with him but with myself. I am not doing the things I enjoy doing in favour of spending time with him.
I'm going around in circles.
So what do I do? I need to speak to more people about it. I certainly need some time for myself. This means having that conversation with him. It's flippping frigtening having to be frank about these things.
I need to do more talking and will do with my sponsor in the morning.
It would be sensible to not be spending so much time with him. Then I will also find out if this has just been better than the Pit. Tha's his name for his flat which he describes as disgusting.
I really do want for him to be content with life and to have happy days. But that is only so much easier when I'm not attached in any way.
So I'm so full of confusion there is nothing really more to write.
I'm watching The Importance of Being Earnest. A comedy by Oscar Wilde which of course anyone even half well read would already know. I am very uneducated. A good Victorian play of mistaken identity that also eludes to hidden identities such as in Twelfth Night. I suppose nothing is ever entirely a novel idea. Anyhow this is quite amusing and good to watch a film made. I wish I was a more avid reader. I'm laxy about reading.
| Cast Rupert Everett Colin Firth Reese Witherspoon Judi Dench Frances O'Connor |
 |
| Directors Oliver Parker |
Empire gave it 3 stars. I would tend to agree. It's not great but watchable and entertaining.
Yesterday evening I watched an enchanting film called Stardust. It was amusing but not a great.
| Cast Robert De Niro Michelle Pfeiffer Claire Danes Charlie Cox Sienna Miller Mark Strong |
|
| Directors Matthew Vaughn |
