The meal plans are working - all food types are acceptable and I make choices - i.e. no bad foods, 3 meals a day, exercise (somewhat regularly now working full time i.e. over the weekend nice long walks - remind me to tell you about the cows, yes more bovine therapy), no diets or deprivation. It's amiracle. I can get a pair of jeans on that I had forgotten I owned. Admittedly with a rather large muffin top but hopefully the baggy jumper will hide the full extent of the hangover. I really need to tone up my tummy now. I think this will mean sit ups or something of the sort as walking on it's own is not doing it!
Anyway it's a good feeling - thank Overeaters Anonymous. That is breaking my anonymity. I am not sure if that's OK or not. But by the time I find out it will be all too late.
Belive me if anyone should read this OA has finally helped me - but that involves more than just the meetings, it's been the people I have received freindship and support from, yeatrs of going but never really understanding and thinking I did, the readings, the steps and a lot of CODA work has contributed too. It's a big commitment but blimey it's so so so so worthwhile to be gradually gaining freddom from food and the body image problems. It's not about thin or food types - it's about the emotions and un resolved issues. And the fellowship had been helping to both understand and gradually work through them.
Phew it's damned hard work and sometimes so excrutiatingly painful but slowly, slowly I am gaining freedom from the hell I live in in my head.
IT WORKS, IT REALLY DOES line 8 page 88 of the Big Book. The main quote I remember.
I have completed draft 2 of my research report. I think it's almost ready for printing and posting. Thank flipping goodness for that. It's been like a monkey on my back for the past 3 weeks. Now I have 3 weeks work to do in two weeks before the final essay and then aaaaargh the exam on 15th June. Rrevise, revise, revise for the weeks after the 9th May onwards. I am so so so so so scared. It takes me ages to write one essay - 3 weeks to be precise and I will have three to do in less than 3 hours. It's not possible and hand written at that! It's not possible. I am very scared.
The cows upstairs refers to yet another bovine therapy experience yesterday with M.
We walked for a total of about 4 hours yesterda. We walked to Winchester Hill nad back - it's nowhere near Winchester in terms of road miles but looks towards Winceshter. It was beautiful as have all the walks on the South Downs Way been - except for the cows. Or rather I think they were young bullocks. They were frisky and frolicking - at our expense.
As we climbed over the gate we knew they were somewhere as there were pats of poo relatively fresh! As we rounded the corner and came over the brow of the hill, there they all were a herd grazing, scattered across one side of the field on the upward slope. We were down wind. M was already very anxious and her voice had risen a few tones. Her tones were yet to get higher. As we got closer one or two looked up and returned to their grazing giving me greater courage and strenght. M was holding on to me asking me what we were going to do. I said we'll be fine just walk through them and look they are not interested in us. Plan B - make ourselves look as big as possible and go RAR alot to chase them away. We were now level with them and there were movements within the herd and suddenly one from the back bucked and strted the herd moving rapidly towards us. We stood firm tried to spread our bodies and were RARRING away. The herd stopped abruptly but only mementarily as they moved in closer. RAR RAR or in M's interesting version "yar" "yar". Quietly and in a sort of to-ing and fro-ing run between me and I don;t know where. LouLou thought it was all a game jumping up at M and wagging her tail. As we neared the gate, I said bravely and protectively, "M get yourelf out, I'll hold the fort". Sort of Western hero style. I was petrified but thought she was more petrified. M quietly said I am not leavnig you along running backwards and forwards and pinching my arm each time she got to me. Eventually she ran out of the field as the herd broke into two trying to get between us and the gate. I turned to look one in the eye and RARRED extra loudly waving my map at him, yes HIM, too. He snorted smiling I'm sure. I turned my back to the gate again, RARRIng forwards, to the left of me and to the right, eventually getting to the gate. M was shouting "look behind you, look behind you!" To which I said "I know exactly what's behind me but can you help me open the gate?" in a sort of urgent trying to be calm type voice and struggling to pull, wiggle or push the gate bolt which wouldn't move. As M carried on trying to warn me I eventually got the gate open, was greeted lovingly by LouLou and noticed a couple sitting in their car eating cake and seemingly enjoying the entertainment.
The guy let the window down and in an Aussie accent asked if we were afraid of them. M raged back a "YES!" and "thnaks for the help". I thought no you pillock that's how I Dr Dolittle taught me how to communicate with the animals!!!!
He comented on the aerobic workout we had had and carried on eating cake. I bet that'll make an interesting story for him to tell about his visit to the South Downs! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Since then M has been in and out of shock. But both of us keep laughing so much. I so wish I could video those moments. Things that get lost are M's pathetic attempts at rarring, and her funny face and her bobbing around to and fro to nowhere and me stretching out and make loud angry scared sounds. My, it's flippping funny to remember though!
Right off to fidn some cows upatirs by going to the Farnham meeting where I perceive my enemies lay waiting - more to be told.........
Oh and cows in the attic refers to a website M found when she looked up bovine therapy. I thought I had made it up.
I will look for the webiste again and post it on here.
Bye for now
he he he he he he he he he
Anyway it's a good feeling - thank Overeaters Anonymous. That is breaking my anonymity. I am not sure if that's OK or not. But by the time I find out it will be all too late.
Belive me if anyone should read this OA has finally helped me - but that involves more than just the meetings, it's been the people I have received freindship and support from, yeatrs of going but never really understanding and thinking I did, the readings, the steps and a lot of CODA work has contributed too. It's a big commitment but blimey it's so so so so worthwhile to be gradually gaining freddom from food and the body image problems. It's not about thin or food types - it's about the emotions and un resolved issues. And the fellowship had been helping to both understand and gradually work through them.
Phew it's damned hard work and sometimes so excrutiatingly painful but slowly, slowly I am gaining freedom from the hell I live in in my head.
IT WORKS, IT REALLY DOES line 8 page 88 of the Big Book. The main quote I remember.
I have completed draft 2 of my research report. I think it's almost ready for printing and posting. Thank flipping goodness for that. It's been like a monkey on my back for the past 3 weeks. Now I have 3 weeks work to do in two weeks before the final essay and then aaaaargh the exam on 15th June. Rrevise, revise, revise for the weeks after the 9th May onwards. I am so so so so so scared. It takes me ages to write one essay - 3 weeks to be precise and I will have three to do in less than 3 hours. It's not possible and hand written at that! It's not possible. I am very scared.
The cows upstairs refers to yet another bovine therapy experience yesterday with M.
We walked for a total of about 4 hours yesterda. We walked to Winchester Hill nad back - it's nowhere near Winchester in terms of road miles but looks towards Winceshter. It was beautiful as have all the walks on the South Downs Way been - except for the cows. Or rather I think they were young bullocks. They were frisky and frolicking - at our expense.
As we climbed over the gate we knew they were somewhere as there were pats of poo relatively fresh! As we rounded the corner and came over the brow of the hill, there they all were a herd grazing, scattered across one side of the field on the upward slope. We were down wind. M was already very anxious and her voice had risen a few tones. Her tones were yet to get higher. As we got closer one or two looked up and returned to their grazing giving me greater courage and strenght. M was holding on to me asking me what we were going to do. I said we'll be fine just walk through them and look they are not interested in us. Plan B - make ourselves look as big as possible and go RAR alot to chase them away. We were now level with them and there were movements within the herd and suddenly one from the back bucked and strted the herd moving rapidly towards us. We stood firm tried to spread our bodies and were RARRING away. The herd stopped abruptly but only mementarily as they moved in closer. RAR RAR or in M's interesting version "yar" "yar". Quietly and in a sort of to-ing and fro-ing run between me and I don;t know where. LouLou thought it was all a game jumping up at M and wagging her tail. As we neared the gate, I said bravely and protectively, "M get yourelf out, I'll hold the fort". Sort of Western hero style. I was petrified but thought she was more petrified. M quietly said I am not leavnig you along running backwards and forwards and pinching my arm each time she got to me. Eventually she ran out of the field as the herd broke into two trying to get between us and the gate. I turned to look one in the eye and RARRED extra loudly waving my map at him, yes HIM, too. He snorted smiling I'm sure. I turned my back to the gate again, RARRIng forwards, to the left of me and to the right, eventually getting to the gate. M was shouting "look behind you, look behind you!" To which I said "I know exactly what's behind me but can you help me open the gate?" in a sort of urgent trying to be calm type voice and struggling to pull, wiggle or push the gate bolt which wouldn't move. As M carried on trying to warn me I eventually got the gate open, was greeted lovingly by LouLou and noticed a couple sitting in their car eating cake and seemingly enjoying the entertainment.
The guy let the window down and in an Aussie accent asked if we were afraid of them. M raged back a "YES!" and "thnaks for the help". I thought no you pillock that's how I Dr Dolittle taught me how to communicate with the animals!!!!
He comented on the aerobic workout we had had and carried on eating cake. I bet that'll make an interesting story for him to tell about his visit to the South Downs! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Since then M has been in and out of shock. But both of us keep laughing so much. I so wish I could video those moments. Things that get lost are M's pathetic attempts at rarring, and her funny face and her bobbing around to and fro to nowhere and me stretching out and make loud angry scared sounds. My, it's flippping funny to remember though!
Right off to fidn some cows upatirs by going to the Farnham meeting where I perceive my enemies lay waiting - more to be told.........
Oh and cows in the attic refers to a website M found when she looked up bovine therapy. I thought I had made it up.
I will look for the webiste again and post it on here.
Bye for now
he he he he he he he he he
