Gridding in the network

Francis Desforges
Today at Art Natters talked through her recent works in art - labour that she also described as a love. She has a fascination with grids and it was interesting to hear her ideas formulating from grids. And the ways in which she grids took on a life and meaning for her whilst she was painting, drawing, creating. What a lovely lady - a lady with enthusiasm and passion for her creations. I liked her manner, very gracious.
I spoke with her afterwards about plasticity and about nerve nets. It never ceases to bring a smile to me when everything Universal comes together.

It was interesting how she had created grids in many forms. And her research into other artists and philosophers ideas of grids. I was particularly interested in her findings of grids appearing in cave paintings from early man. And of course this related with recent studies of the human biology. We had a good old chat about this. Which led onto the psychological meaning I have of plasticity. My understanding is how things alter according to environmental demands for example the ways in which the brain will find new neural pathways following a stroke. People's brains compensate for damage. And how in infants neural pathways "harden" according to the environment but then learning a language for example are ways in which there is evidence of change and flexibility. Then a gentleman added his thought of the plastic being so temporary rather than fluid and disposable rather than renewing. Interesting getting these flows of ideas. Loved it.
The flow being different depending on the context and the perspectives. Fascinating. People coming together with the ability to openly discuss the differences and no one being right all being possible.


Lost Love
He filled the loneliness of the line of the hill
 Defining the brow
He completed the valley
He brought trees to life
 And filled in the spaces between them
He brightened sunrise
He coloured paintings
He spirited art
He left no gaps between the gaps
Rain sparkled
Wind cleansed
Fire told stories
His stories brought smiles
Breath had purpose
Moments had meaning
He's off travelling new gorges
 Climbing new peaks
His departure
A vacuum of airless void.

cells to conciousness

I am thoroughly enjoying my studies. Fascinated.
And delighted that despite a lot of terminology some of it is sinking in and making sense too.

It's a little chilly sitting andreading so I have my feet on Val Doonigan - toastie warm tootsies.


Going to create cafeBliss - a coffee lounge atmosphere to my lounge.
Goodness knows how or indeed why but it's good for a change.

And all the bits of things I have accumulated can surely go into making an interesting collage. One way to get rid of bits without throwing them away.
The rest will be sold on in a car boot sale. AB and I getting organised ha ha ha ah - that's really funny. Need some tressel tables. Everyone seems to get decorators in these days.
I will mention it to Tim he seems to have bits and pieces or may now a tressel table owner.

I need to sort out my FDAP membership and get the insurance organised and pursue the idea of regular group therapy at practically zero charge.

So here we are lots of ideas.
Bliss
X

Uplifting actions

And always remember, one candle can illuminate the darkest of nights

A walk in fresh air - cool air on my cheeks
playing football with my dog - she always wins
the sound of the church bells
calling a family friend after 2 years because I was thinking of her this week -she talked about telepathy! I loved being able to say that she/they are often on my mind so it's not out of badness that I haven't called. We had a lovely uplifting talk. I feel a little weight lifted.
Planning to go to London this month to go to Wellcome with AB
Planning to go to London next month with JM

Art Natters this afternoon and meeting T there.

I feel filled with niceness and creativity and allow the inspiration back in .................

I thought something enormous had been taken away from me - it has gone but there is space for newness to enter now.

What a little meditation and a walk can lead onto.
Thank you Universe

Bliss
XX

Where has all the inspiration gone?

I am not sure what has happened to me these last few days. I feel very low indeed. I feel uninspired, and actually quite concerned about myself. I am really struggling to take the next step.
I have ideas in my head of things to do - sketch, write, action. I am doing all of them but nothing absolutely nothing is firing in my soul.
I was talking with some people last evening how difficult I am finding it being with me. I feel very alone in this world right now.
I feel like life itself and yet its so difficult to connect with it at this time. I cannot understand what is going on.

Connecting with the Universe but in an unconnected way.

I feel very sad.

I do not want to engage with anything that is "fixing" yet it is difficult to stay with how I am feeling.
Meditation gives some moments of freedom and it's like breathing fresh air for a while afterwards. And then the staleness creeps in again.
I am sure it is a mix of recent events and heart break with JH. Knowing he is going on and developing his life without me and I had hoped for us to develop from here together. It seems that there is another direction for me after all.
I am finding the very thought of writing down "what I know for sure" very very frightening indeed. I have never written anywhere at all the things that I know for sure from my past.
What I realised this week is that I would like two things more than anything else right now
To tell what it is I know and to find forgiveness. This may sound abstract but this is connection with my dad.

Things have moved on you see within me. I feel so sad though that it has taken all this time. I feel sad that I have had a lifetime of this defining me and affecting me from deep within.
I have been yearning to be loved for so long .....................................................
It feels difficult to be responsible for loving me by myself. Believing I am lovable was supposed to start with my parents and that is not what I got from my dad. His way was such a shattering to my heart that the incredible love I received from my mum was not enough. Sadly she wasn't able to protect me. So that sort of confirms in childlike minds that I am not worth saving.
So here I am - and I am in a lot of pain from my soul.

I met a man who I liked very much indeed. I allowed him deep into my soul - further than anyone has ever been allowed. But I did not wait to find out if he was able to walk with me. As a result I have ended up hurting my soul again. It is not his fault.
It is I that allowed sexual intimacy. I did tell him I was actually very fragile but I don't expect he was aware what that meant and he had his own issues driving his needs. I trusted him but didn't really wait long enough to find out. I do not blame him for being him, I celebrate that. It just wasn't togetherness that resulted in our encounter. I have so much to give to someone who can cherish me. What a journey to discover intimate sex like I did. A deep joy of sex and with it an intensified love. It was very real indeed for me. I wonder what it was like for JH? I will never really know. He said it was real. It seemed real enough. He is a lovely man, I just need to let him go from my soul and doing that leaves a big void.
Tis strange that this happens at a time when I am embarking on another stage of difficulty with childhood issues.
As always it is not for me to understand.  What I need to do is take from the lesson and see how I can grow.

At this time I feel very alone and very scared. What I need to do is draw from the people I know love me and not turn to conditional comfort.

When will the hurt stop?

I am going to walk and feel the cool fresh air on my face - I smile at merely the thought of this.

Bliss
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