Big wishes

Truth be told, Bliss, when a dream comes true, 9 out of 10 dreamers say that it was easier than they thought, happened faster than they expected, and was better than they first imagined it would be - causing those in the unseen to wonder without end, why they didn't dream bigger?


Things that make you go "Hmmmmm..." -

The Universe
 
My wish for today is that I am able to be with my Master JH and my love on a permanent basis and with ease.
I wish that we can live somewhere simply and comfortably together. In a way that combines all of us individually and everything together too. This means for me having some financial security and valid input myself i.e. employment and I would wish that it's employment I can enjoy that provides a devcent income and time too for Master JH whom I love to be with and do things with, as well as time to maintain my own interests as well as shard interests. Yes I know this is a big wish but why not? I would wish that we have space enough to be able to be conscious and also just relax with ease. I wish for trees and peace. Space to embrace people and those people can share the peace and self development available from what Master JH and I I believe are capable of creating.
I wish that this can happen just as soon as possible. I am sure I need to add to this wish - after all the Universe says its OK to dream big.
Yes I see space, fresh warm air, trees, peaceful air, spirit, people gathering from time to time, comfortable and warm, wildlife, music, creativity,
Mmm funny how it quickly moves away from a locational description to more of a feel about the place. What I essentially feel is Master JH and I together. In a togetherness to each pursue ourselves in a space that is together. I can;t describe it more than that. Then I can add all the other things that I wish for which are actually nothing to do with the big main wish - just wish for us soon to be living together and contentedly.
 
Yep that't it.
 
Other than my wish I would like to share how barmy I feel right now.
I felt quite manic once or twice recently and noticed only afterwards. last evening I was all over the place. I had an energy burning me to do something. As a result of not doing anything I felt quite flat and even detached.
I was reading petry that was irrelevant to the occasion but of course inside connecting with past - my dad and my anger with him still. As well as my hurt.
I had a real strong need to be loved and treasured yet do not feel lovable or precious because I am feeling unstable.
Gosh it all seems such a complex web ot past present, thinking and attitude, hormonal shifts, mental shifts, memories and rationale and judgements (of self), physical malaise affecting capability affecting self esteem. It's too complex and mish mash of interactions between these things and with externals such as people etc., to even be able to put down in writing.
So what I need to do I think is accept that. Things will seem more important here and there as it all rises and falls into reality momentarily. The thing is I know it will pass.
If I can accept it and start allowing myself to be gentle instead of blaming and demanding of perfection from myself it might be easy to just observe the shifts and everything this brings with it.
I can be gentle if I can find a way of doing this. But blimey I fight it. Even as I am wirign this.
My Master JH and wow such a wonderful lover to me - he was so patient and still on the ground last evening. I was all over the place and it felt as if he was still and at the centre with me dancing high and low about him. Gradually I felt him bring me to the centre with him. He was acceptant of me and listened and eventually i cried and cried and let out some hurt.
I am so thankful - he is my love!
 
Got to go to work now - pity. Want to be at home writing and resting and safe and secure.
Bliss

No words of wisdom as I am barmy

When was the last economic recession, or even depression, Bliss, that didn't mightily correct itself?


Life is like that.

Hot stuff,

The Universe

Mmmmm - well I believe in this sentiment whole heartedly. When I look at my own life. Everything has worked out. And on a daily basis. Things have not been as I wanted them always and even quite difficult at times. But in reality it's all been OK. What is the worst that can happen after all?
Well with no money I might be hungry and homeless. But if I have the courage I can always ask  afriend or two for help. And talk about what is going on and ask anyone if there is anything they can do to help me.
My problem can often be pride and the desire for more can raise its head too.
When I have been at my poorest I want for less. I of course have desire for things BUT I simply remind myself I don;t have the means. When I have a little more (like now) I think oh I can have that and surely I can afford that too and anyway next month will sort out any overdraft.
Actually I say this and I am not like this anymore. I am more manageable and less lavish and wasteful with my money.
Funny thing is that  have much more freedom with my financial status. And by that I mean freedom from the stress of finances. I have what I have and that's that. I need to be cautious and that's OK.
In this last month I have noticed a tendency to ignore my limits and with it comes some stress. So a reminder to manage my money carefully and not pretend I am richer than I am to myself. Wow how easily I can convince myself.
I want to save now for travelling with Master JH in January. I would like to also start putting some aside for a time when I might be moving to be with my Master permanently. It would be helpful to start putting some savings aside for that however little.
Mmmmmm fear from the fear of finances. And that no longer means having more it simply means living with what I have.

Mmm sound soubly ideals that I try to work on a daily basis
Bliss