It's one trick, Bliss, to manifest exactly what you want.
It's another to bring about something even better.
Leave the door open,
The Universe
What I want is to be able to be with my Master, my love all the time. But I know that if I trust then it will always be better than me trying to control. I can put in the footwork and am starting to think about how to do this.
The final outcome always has room for something even better. Any other thoughts on this would always be appreciated.
Master JH has returned home. I feel the sense of intense longing. I want to feel the warmth of his body, smell his essence and be close, body against body, skin on skin. I love him and adore him. I am in love with him. I am able to go beyond what have been my limitations with him.
I have been able to start facing my insecurities. My need to control my fear of being abandoned or left for someone better. Master JH has stood firm and helped me face this.
Basically I can see that being owned has helped with this. I think I have written about this before.
Anyway, this has developed further. I realise I can sense deeply my Master as his attitude or mood alters even subtly. I am very aware I don't what necessarily is going on behind the change - it's a slight or subtle change in energy that I can detect at times. probably not all the time but when I do it's so obvious to me. I am so clumsy wit this sort of thing, I am not sure how to handle this sense. So far I have been loathe to be so forthright because I am still trying to trust that my Master will respond equally as openly. So I must put my trust in the process. All I can do is remind myself to be honesty and be open.
I can say to my Master when I detect or sense a change and then share my thoughts on what I think might be behind this.
I am very very sorry that the ways in which I have reacted when my insecurities have been triggered in the past. My Masters behaviour reflects my action. He has expressed his nervousness about telling or showing me in case I react badly. This is not all there is to it though. He has his part in it too, i.e. be able to be open about everything. I think that be reserved about some things raises the question about what is the need to keep things from being in the open. Anyway I don't have answers about right or wrong ways, just learning how to be with the way things are and trusting. I am learning to trust.
And being my Master's slave contributes to being able to practice - acceptance, faith, self-worth just for starters.
To be up to date about this......
After a little while of being captured as a slave to Senor D, I was beginning to be pushed to some limits very very gently. Senor D's rules - no bad feelings, no thinking. He was conditioning me I realise.
Then I encountered Master JH. He interested me with his very simple enquiry about watching me.
Well after a brief encounter we met again at which time I enquired whether he would like me to sit at his feet as his slave to experience what this might feel like for him. This escalated so quickly. I asked Senor D to loan me to Master JH which he did for 2 weeks and in that time I started to fall in love with him. As the end of the loan approached I so wanted Master JH to wish to keep me. And so the negotiations began one evening for Master JH to acquire me from Senor D.
This will sound all so strange I am sure. And in reality it is and was. And yet it works. This of course was all taking place online in an unreal world yet real people transacting real transactions within reason.
I have kept the transcripts as a reminder of how strange this all really has been.
Master JH I think was surprised that his online requirements were met by me in my real world. And so our adventure was beginning.
Daily meetings became daily Skype conversations, became twice daily, became a weekend visit in person,became a return visit for even longer, became another long weekend visit. All the while our love developing and growing.
I am my Masters slave, his love and lover. He is my Master, my love, my lover and friend.
I would like for this to continue to grow positively and I truly believe it will and so the Universe is right - my next want is that we are together on a daily basis, everyday living. Living daily lives but it can be better than that, better than anything I can want for. I can see how we are better than simply being together. That is merely another format.
I have learnt that being in physical presence brings all sorts of sensations - sight, auditory, sensory touch, smell, taste. It is not possible in theory to be attentive to all the stimuli through all the sense at the same time. We are remarkable together because we are constantly working on consciousness. So I think we are lucky to be practicing awareness of as much incoming information as possible. Of course information becomes cognitive processes and behaviour and trips into beliefs from the past and memories, knowledge, etc etc.
Then the Skype contact is reducing sensory stimuli so making it possible to be more aware of fewer senses perhaps. And then the telephone - even fewer senses being triggered so even more concentrated consciousness. I love that we have access to all of these to practice awareness of self and between us.
So maybe being better than being together is knowing the benefit of different ways of interacting.
And we can surely bring this into our future however it unfolds.
I am feeling sorry that I removed from here some of the experiences I had with CY. I have nothing to hide from my Master but as I knew he would be reading this I removed information. Actually I will re-post but it will probably all be on one post and therefore in a jumble. But it is about being open and I can be. If I am doing things I am embarrassed or ashamed about then I should not continue doing it.
Our weekend together was just lovely. Easy. Unusual as well. Loving. Funny. Restful. Interesting. Inspiring.
We are really living as loving us and all the while he is my Master too. I am trying to just be with this to see how the two interrelate. Both have their place and yet when I am with Master JH I feel less slave and simply lover, loving and loved.
I have fear that I will be left. I trust Master JH would not do anything specifically to hurt me. This does not mean things cannot change. Right now I love and like everything about us together,about him and about me with him that I would not want to lose the connection.
Well fo today everything is great and I am happy.
