The Language of Letting Go
15th February
Control
Sometimes the gray days scare us. Those are the days when old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, unable to care for ourselves.
When this happens, it's hard to trust ourselves,others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.
In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That's when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these "codependent crazies" strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.
When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside of ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.
People and things don;t stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: ourselves, our Higher Power, our support systems, and our recovery programme.
Often, after we've become peaceful, trusting and accepting, what we want comes to us - with ease and naturalness. The sun begins to shine again. Isn't it funny, and isn't it true, how all change really does begin with us?
"I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness - myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that - one gray day.
Each time I get a slowing moment, the pain whooshes over me again. The hurt! I am so bloomin' fortunate to have the friends I do, the recovery I have, the strength of fellowship to tap into. When I read this in the morning, I smiled. I was reminded to pick up my daily readings again by a friend. I had dropped off reading them for a while. I need to up the disciplines. I have an inner strength that I can draw on and it's true I do not need anyone. I have known that. What I do want is support from my friends - safe friends who can listen to my emotions and hear me. And they are there so solid. I feel blessed beyond belief. And a friend who at times is challenging to me said today that she loved me and that I am one of the few special people she can trust. I lit up to hear that from her. This was after being able to put me aside and listen to her when she called me for support.
I have already increased my meetings since all this horrid feeling started. I am grateful that something in me is able to truly embrace the meetings. I am willing to call everytime I feel so dreadful. My friend stressed how concerned she was about the trauma state I seemed to be in. It shook me to hear her say this.
I know that no one ever has been allowed so far into my soul.
Tonight I helped JB with some stuff he wanted typed out. He was really kind and listened to me. I just am finding any moments of quiet time I am filled with so much pain. So yet another good friend who cares. I know he values our friendship. He said that he forgives me when I don't always return a call exactly when I say I will. I smiled as he is so completely reliable - I felt very humbled that he forgives me. And I hear him. I will make more of an effort. I thanked him not for his forgiveness but his honesty with me and giveing me the opportunity to improve myself. And to be respectful of him. Good friendship.
And now I have heard from my Auntie that the situation for my cousin is not good news. Apparently she has a Cancer that is very rare. They do not know what to do next. There is a possibility of an operation but this will not cure it. I have a heavy heart learning this. I feel so sad for my Auntie. It is all wrong.
I do not get this God. I do not understand why bad things happen to good people. I pray God for your will because I sure do not know what it is.
I think I am a good person who has done things in the past that I would never do today - I am capable of learning and growing always. I welcome change. I am trying to be a better person all the time. I make mistakes I know - a lot and often I suppose. My heart is truer all the time. I never ever want to bring bad to anyone - my intention is only ever good. Even when I think bad thoughts I know I do not mean it.
I am sane of mind not to act out to the very best of my ability. I do no wish to bring harm to anyones door.
I pray for people that they get all they want and need in their life and are content. I want to be different for the benefit of mankind - sounds grand? I think not. Every little thing that's betterment contributes - I do not need to be selfish anymore.
I trust in the Universe. I forget to sometimes when I feel hurt and scared. Overall though I know everything will be OK.
I do often wish though it were all over and I no longer had to deal with bad things.
As ther eading says I have felt very bleak at times these last few months. I have wanted things to be different. I have continued to leave my heart in JH's hands. And now I feel this is a very gray day. What I do know from experience that this will pass. I really do know that people and things cannot be my happiness. It is within me to be content. I need no one actually however I do need the tools of recovery and there are many to help me thourhg the difficult times.
I am uncertain what the future holds overall. I do know I cannot control it. I do know what I value and I pray to God to help me hold onto that.
I need sleep - please Unvierse let me sleep this evening
Bliss
X
15th February
Control
Sometimes the gray days scare us. Those are the days when old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, unable to care for ourselves.
When this happens, it's hard to trust ourselves,others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.
In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That's when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these "codependent crazies" strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.
When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside of ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.
People and things don;t stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: ourselves, our Higher Power, our support systems, and our recovery programme.
Often, after we've become peaceful, trusting and accepting, what we want comes to us - with ease and naturalness. The sun begins to shine again. Isn't it funny, and isn't it true, how all change really does begin with us?
"I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness - myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that - one gray day.
Each time I get a slowing moment, the pain whooshes over me again. The hurt! I am so bloomin' fortunate to have the friends I do, the recovery I have, the strength of fellowship to tap into. When I read this in the morning, I smiled. I was reminded to pick up my daily readings again by a friend. I had dropped off reading them for a while. I need to up the disciplines. I have an inner strength that I can draw on and it's true I do not need anyone. I have known that. What I do want is support from my friends - safe friends who can listen to my emotions and hear me. And they are there so solid. I feel blessed beyond belief. And a friend who at times is challenging to me said today that she loved me and that I am one of the few special people she can trust. I lit up to hear that from her. This was after being able to put me aside and listen to her when she called me for support.
I have already increased my meetings since all this horrid feeling started. I am grateful that something in me is able to truly embrace the meetings. I am willing to call everytime I feel so dreadful. My friend stressed how concerned she was about the trauma state I seemed to be in. It shook me to hear her say this.
I know that no one ever has been allowed so far into my soul.
Tonight I helped JB with some stuff he wanted typed out. He was really kind and listened to me. I just am finding any moments of quiet time I am filled with so much pain. So yet another good friend who cares. I know he values our friendship. He said that he forgives me when I don't always return a call exactly when I say I will. I smiled as he is so completely reliable - I felt very humbled that he forgives me. And I hear him. I will make more of an effort. I thanked him not for his forgiveness but his honesty with me and giveing me the opportunity to improve myself. And to be respectful of him. Good friendship.
And now I have heard from my Auntie that the situation for my cousin is not good news. Apparently she has a Cancer that is very rare. They do not know what to do next. There is a possibility of an operation but this will not cure it. I have a heavy heart learning this. I feel so sad for my Auntie. It is all wrong.
I do not get this God. I do not understand why bad things happen to good people. I pray God for your will because I sure do not know what it is.
I think I am a good person who has done things in the past that I would never do today - I am capable of learning and growing always. I welcome change. I am trying to be a better person all the time. I make mistakes I know - a lot and often I suppose. My heart is truer all the time. I never ever want to bring bad to anyone - my intention is only ever good. Even when I think bad thoughts I know I do not mean it.
I am sane of mind not to act out to the very best of my ability. I do no wish to bring harm to anyones door.
I pray for people that they get all they want and need in their life and are content. I want to be different for the benefit of mankind - sounds grand? I think not. Every little thing that's betterment contributes - I do not need to be selfish anymore.
I trust in the Universe. I forget to sometimes when I feel hurt and scared. Overall though I know everything will be OK.
I do often wish though it were all over and I no longer had to deal with bad things.
As ther eading says I have felt very bleak at times these last few months. I have wanted things to be different. I have continued to leave my heart in JH's hands. And now I feel this is a very gray day. What I do know from experience that this will pass. I really do know that people and things cannot be my happiness. It is within me to be content. I need no one actually however I do need the tools of recovery and there are many to help me thourhg the difficult times.
I am uncertain what the future holds overall. I do know I cannot control it. I do know what I value and I pray to God to help me hold onto that.
I need sleep - please Unvierse let me sleep this evening
Bliss
X
