Sunday 13 February 2011

My heart is truly breaking

This evening JH told me that he really is not in love with me. He has been open and honest and I can ask for no more but I need some time now to heal my heart.
I feel so many things - betrayed, angry, hurt, lost, broken-hearted, sad, sorry ....
HURTING
The End
Bliss
XX

Waiting




Waiting

Master on my mind,
A gentle touch of my puffy, fleshy nipples.
Evoking fluttering, tickling feelings
And something more than that.
As my firming nipples, stand erect,
The sensation moves,
Tingling through my body.
A delicate twinge in my pearl,
Fires my imagination!
Masters deep voice rings in my mind,
Decidedly instructing me
I place the palm of my hand over my opening,
My juices flowing.
Small circular movements,
My fingers accidentally
Flicking my clit.
Following his command,
I place a finger behind my luciously swollen mound,
Pushing and manipulating,
And slide
    another inside me.
Breathy moans.
 
 
Bliss
X

1950's English snobbery











Society couple, Jimmy and Sheila Broadbent, are launching their daughter Jane into society and have their eye on the perfect husband. Jane, however, has other ideas. The round of balls and parties bores her stiff and the last thing she wants is some stuffy young toff with perfect manners. In fact, the chap she really wants appears to be a perfect cad.
Horrified parents, a conniving cousin and hot society gossip make this a debutante season to remember.

Bursting with witty one liners and sparkling dialogue in the tradition of Noel Coward, this affectionate caricature of 1950s British society brings the glamour and charm of the debutante scene gloriously to life.

By William Douglas Home

The Eton-educated son of an earl and brother of a Conservative prime minister, William Douglas-Home was no stranger to the world of the aristocracy which he depicts so discerningly in his engaging comedies. He is also the author of Lloyd George Knew My Father and The Chiltern Hundreds.

Directed by Belinda Lang

Belinda Lang is well-known for her television work which includes 2 Point 4 Children.
She recently starred in the West End opposite Dame Judi Dench in Hay Fever and Noël Coward’s A Song At Twilight and Present Laughter, which she also directed on tour


Performer : Jane Asher
Performer : Belinda Lang
Performer : Clive Francis
Performer : Lucy May Barker
Performer : Louise Calf
Performer : Ed Cooper Clarke
Performer : Alex Felton


The Reluctant Debutante





  Of the play Jane says: “The Reluctant Debutante is not only extremely funny, but also a wonderfully ironic look at the curious customs in high society in the fifties.
“Its themes are timeless – something that goes for all good drama. It’s a treat to be able to bring something as good as this back into theatres again.”
Of her character Jane says: “Shelia Broadbent is also a terrific part to play. She’s relatively shallow in her obsession about getting her daughter married off to someone suitably classy and rich, but at the same time funny and sympathetic in her frantic efforts to do so.”

A really nice evening celebrating ET's birthday. LH was there too and she is doing really well now on the comedy circuit and writing for a comedienne. It sounds all very exciting. Damned courageous thing to do I feel - seems more exposing than acting.
Anyway a couple of others came along too. Oh H. We had a pizza and then off to the theatre.
It was fun - I haven't been to the theatre outside of London for a while. A real sort of Noel Coward feel to the style and then when I read about William Douglas Home the comment was very much along the same lines. I think this is one of the few plays that has been robust enough though. It was made into a film in the 6-'s I think and then more recently renamed What a Girl Wants - A British film. I haven't seen it. There were some very funny lines and in fact Clive Francis was very good a comedy. Indeed "Goofy" or Alex Felton also delivered his comedy brilliantly.
At one point Alex was just sat on stage and for quite some moments. It was really very funny. He also delivered a "No!" followed by silence with some brilliance. Good.
I chuckled along.
ET is so much younger than me and consequently so are all her friends. LH and ET are in their mid-30's now. The rest are younger so it does at times feel very odd. With ET and LH there bis an agelessness between us in a way. But with people I less familiar with it does seem quite funny really. It's always very very gratifying when people are shocked to discover how old I actually am.
ET of course didn't want to go home, she wanted to be out partying but I was tired after a busy week and to be honest didn't relish Guildford on a Saturday night. Now I do feel ageing when I say this - I just enjoyed the evening and good company and then wanted to make my way home and get to sleep. Only probably 5 years ago I would have been bored by someone like me, and wanted to get out and party all night long. And 5 years before that - well it was usually wild! The last years before getting into 12 Step recovery were really hedonistic times. Although in between times could be very low indeed.
Yes things have changed. 
In the break ET said she thought we were wrong demographics for the Yvonne Arnaud. It's funny as that is such a sort of arrogant comment really. Yet I know what she means. Yvonne Arnaud is so middle class. Rarely do they put something on that would rattle the cage of middle-classness.I wish in some ways I lived nearer Brighton which is far more bohemian. It's a possibility I suppose sometime. Or in a community of people creating. It is wonderful I think how I am surrounded by creative people actually - all doing different things - ET - music and acting, LH - comedy and writing, JB - films and scripts, ML - creative writing, AM - photography, AB - incredible interest and knowledge, Bliss - incredible interest, JH - carving, design, knowledge, incredible interest, T- working artist, V - creative writing workshop and so on ...... There a lot of creative people around me and I love it. Soak it up. It was always ever commercialdom and tedium before now. And my family are generally just not interested. My dad - money, money, money and security creating fear (so there is creativity there he he) and my mum status and security (more fear). My mum was a safe adventurer. Gosh she was eccentric and high energy. And creative in many, many ways but this was never nurtured in her. And she always told me I wasn't any good at writing or drawing etc so why bother. That's not the point mum!!!!

Well time to study and also need to collect LL from her sleepover. I missed her this morning when I woke up.
Oh grr grr grr I woke up very early with work on my mind. I handed it over in my thoughts to PD for tomorrow but gosh it took some effort.

Thoughts a lot about JH, sharing openly with friends. Keep reminding myself that it is what it is and there is nothing more. 
I hope my heart heals sooner rather than later.

Bliss
XX