Monday 29 April 2013

Reflections on DSE232

Well to begin with it seems overwhelming - this term VLE.I was expecting some specific piece of software and gradually through systematically reading trather than panic erratic reading, I'm realising this is an accumulation of skills in using technology.
So reading the instructions and following them is calming me down.
I do find the navigation and where to find relevant materials online a little daunting and I guess takes time to get used locations. I have experience of getting acclimatised in the past and this feeling of uncertainty always passes with practice.
I do tend to try and work it out by myself first and then ask when I get "stressed"but get a little daunted and the afraid that I will appear stupid and publicly because of the forum style questions.
I am getting over myself though and instead asking anyway.
It was interesting attempting to explain to a friend what I am studying. I had read the introduction but it had not sunk in what I am really studying and so thinking about what I am learning about what is normal forst all and how tat can be applied in say occupational psychology. What do I think now that I have reviewed what occupational psychology actually is. It is concerned with issues in the workplace including the perfomrance of people in the workplace.
So with regard to dyslexia for example I imagine that an occupational psychologist would be assessing what difficulties are arising for the individual and assess what is needed to support them. Perhaps the role is wrong for them? Wouldn't this be setting a prejudice in place?
And stress of course is a big concern for occupational psychologists in the work place. The employer in both circuymstances ie stress and dyslexia is expecting the very best possible performance and why should they make allowances for the individual? They are surely duty bound but are they according to employment law. So an occupational pscyhologist is probably required to know a little about emploment law. Everyone can cope with different levels of stress and this can vary too in the individual according to what else is going on thier lives.
Interesting musing these points already.
But then what will be learning about clinical, forensic and educational psychology and dyslexia and stress.
Understanding what they are is one thing - applying the different persepctives of applied psychology is what we are going to learn. Interesting.

This is now 2013 and that is another course I had to give up on. Bugger!!

Bliss
 

Decisions decisions

Is it me?
So this morning G knew that I was studying. He had already said that he would be dragging his heels before leaving and made comment about what time would I be intending on kicking him out? It's as if he's made a victim in all of this. Writing this I feel furious. It's a culmination of things really. He comes here and just stays and stays. He is welcome to feel at home but also he takes extreme liberties. He asks if he can stay as if he's a victim. Then when he's here he just makes things dirty and doesn't clear up after himself. He offered to wash up when I was about to start doing it and got quite cross when I said I would do it. I said then that I needed it done before 12:30. IUt stillw asn;t done so I started doing it. He was cross again and I said I needed it sone so would rather do it. Angrily he said "do it then!" as if I was in the wrong. Was I? I didn;t expect him to do it. It would have been nice if he had and even bothered to do it from time to time. He moans about making me cups of tea all the time but it's the only f....ing thing he does do. He worked out where we were going to walk but couldn;t drive us there because he didn;t have much petrol.
Then there's his situation ith D. He says they are just good mates. However, he acknowledged that she does come onto him especially when drunk. He gets cross when I ask questions and it seems to me he is angry coz the reality is exposed. He talks about it as if it's all okay. I doubt very much whether it would be all okay if it were the other way around. I do not expect nor want him to change things because I don't like it. On the contrary. If he was to alter the situation it would need to be because he wanted to. But as it is I don'tlike it. D wants him to stay this coming weekend when her husband is away. I said I do not feel at all comfortable with that and niether does he. But because I am a secret once again he would have to make up llies to explain why he can't stay. This isn't okay in my book. The entire situation is not respectful to me I don't think. Now he could probably swing that aroundsaying that I don't want to stop mny studying and our time is limited. There is some validity in that. It does interfere with social life. But it isn't in the secret. I don't have to lie to anyone including him about it. I am tied for time and want to put some effort where I haven't been until now.
I do make time for him. It's difficult for me to see the difference but it feels different.
This morning I said I didn;t have time to help him with his phone issues. Yet again he tries to talk whilst I am studying - and I have fiully informed him of my commitment. So when I asked him for help, which I might add he said he would help over the weekend, he said no he didn;t have time right now. I know it was a tit for tat, retaliation. Again no doubt feeling rejection or something. The f...ing victim yet again. Well his reponses are really quite nasty. And then he got agry and things were thrown around. His f...ing phone. When things don't work out for G he just gets really outrageoulsy angry. This behaviour truly is not nice. I get angry. I get raging. I am attempting to manage my behaviour better and remain dignified and also be respectful and conscious of other people. I wasn't in the past. So G is where he is but again it's whether I want to tolerate it or not.
Is it worth it? Is he thoughtfuol enough and interesting enough and nice enough? He is likeable, funny, intelligent, bright and so on. He has some spiritual path. But there are behaviours and attitudes that really are not acceptable to me. I wish he were just a friend and then there wouldn;t be all the nastiness which I believe will ensue if I do decide to end it. Even if he decided to end it I don't think he could be amicable. And surely that tells me a lot!!
What am I doing and why am I deliberating? Because I don't want to lose the things in him I do enjoy. Yesterday walking and him showing me places to see the cowslips. They were in abundance and there was A and I seeking them out last year as if they were a rarity. And all the names of things he just knows. I makes it so interesting to walk. The trees, the birds, the wild flowers. Wow how it's opened me up to even more beuaty that surrounds us. We walked through private land and he had worked it out on the maps. That's fantastic.
I have his maps downloaded. Can I retain those if I don't have his sign on. And some of them I have paid for too. Oh well let go of the money. Yet again I come out worse off financially. I leant him £240 for tyres which I still haven't received back when he assured me I would get it back. We'll see if he does when he recieves his back pay. Somehow I doubt I will see it ever again. I did remind him again recently.

Photos fromm yesterday.

 Field of cowslips

 Cuckoo Flower

 Leaf of Common Spotted Orchid

 Cowslip

 Cowslip

 Cowslip

 Cuckoo Flower

 Cuckoo Flower

 Cuckoo Flower
 
 Forget-me-not

 Forget-me-not

 Mayflower?
 
 Mayflower?

 Mayflower?

 Mayflower?
 
 Lords and Ladies leaf

 Natures Sculpture
 
 Holly - oh la la!

 Clock Tower (not too clear)

 Trespassing on private woods. I want my own!

 The navigator!

 Wood Spurge


Bliss
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