I instinctively know why family histories are so important to me and yet I don't understand it at all. Having spent most of my life teaching myself to disconnect from "them", I also have this strong urge towards them. I have a hunger to know the family history back through the generations. What is it I am hoping to get from that? I have absolutely know idea and yet when I do learn snippets of the family story it seems good and right. It's as if it explains everything and yet it explains nothings.
Does anyone else have this strange phenomenon.
My dad has always been so rude about family members. My mum often spoke about how we had separated away from them and were Three Fae-things - the name of the house was Three Farthings and she thought it very appropriate as we were so segregated. The segregation's caused contention amids the family - well my mum's anyway. There was jealousy that I can recognise, especially in the last 10 years of my mum's life. It was always there and the back stabbing that went on between the bothers and sisters was annoying t say the least.
Being an only child I did not ad still don't understand this family dynamic between siblings. It is a real alien concept and often I have felt lonely and different. There were many fewer only children. I longed for an older brother and would even be angry with my mu for having just me. I can remember her breaking the news that I would have been the first born although it wasn't said that way. No, it was pointed out that I could never have an older sibling. It was a horrid awakening. I was the eldest!! Oh yuch! And there is a desire to not be the eldest and therefore the responsible one. But even worse was that this was all fantasy anyway. I have no brothers and sisters. Although my dad once said that there is a half sister out there somewhere. Older than me and the child of an earlier relationship. Why on earth would he have told me such things when I was clearly emotionally unable to deal with these kind of matters.
Off to bed. Too tired to ponder this seemingly deep draw towards family knowledge that I have
Bliss
XX
Does anyone else have this strange phenomenon.
My dad has always been so rude about family members. My mum often spoke about how we had separated away from them and were Three Fae-things - the name of the house was Three Farthings and she thought it very appropriate as we were so segregated. The segregation's caused contention amids the family - well my mum's anyway. There was jealousy that I can recognise, especially in the last 10 years of my mum's life. It was always there and the back stabbing that went on between the bothers and sisters was annoying t say the least.
Being an only child I did not ad still don't understand this family dynamic between siblings. It is a real alien concept and often I have felt lonely and different. There were many fewer only children. I longed for an older brother and would even be angry with my mu for having just me. I can remember her breaking the news that I would have been the first born although it wasn't said that way. No, it was pointed out that I could never have an older sibling. It was a horrid awakening. I was the eldest!! Oh yuch! And there is a desire to not be the eldest and therefore the responsible one. But even worse was that this was all fantasy anyway. I have no brothers and sisters. Although my dad once said that there is a half sister out there somewhere. Older than me and the child of an earlier relationship. Why on earth would he have told me such things when I was clearly emotionally unable to deal with these kind of matters.
Off to bed. Too tired to ponder this seemingly deep draw towards family knowledge that I have
Bliss
XX
