Witnessing the witnesses

Inner peace doesn’t come from how much you have, but from how much you appreciate what you have ~ Themis Eagleson

Amazing how I have read similar messages today from different sources.
I have had a wonderful day. Stimulating and educational. Eyewitness - the Royal Academy exhibition of Twentieth Century photographers.
What creativity I have experienced today. And how grateful I am to have had the experience. A witness to witnesses. The pleasure I have experienced is from within. Stimulated by external things but the emotion is within me. I have that to keep for as long as I wish to recall the moments today.

I had to buy the book - there was just so much to try and retain and I knew I couldn't so I have bought the book to browse and re-browse. Now this is where the longing got me. I know, I know. I just couldn't let that little bit of longing go. I am able to share the book thought with A and G. As I drove up to London, they bought me lunch which was lovely. The petrol was shared and the parking was free. I got a student discount into the Royal Academy and I got a student discount on the book. Tra la la!! :)
As I walked around I read and learnt that they were so innovative. Of course with globalisation much of the skills and creativity have been copied in various forms. But now I have seen where much inspiration has come from.
It was interesting considering some of the thoughts of Susan Sontag on photography. Not in connection specifically with the Hungarian photographers but in general. For example her views of Diane Arbus or rather American freakishness captured moments. She seems to have a rather negative (excuse the pun) viewpoint of photography. Mind you I have not read her essays - just a snippet.

I would like to write more and share some of the photos I particularly liked. I will but right now I need to go to sleep.
A lovely but long day.

Bliss
XX

Everything packed tightly into boxes

Beings naturally experience pleasure; but when pleasure is contaminated with craving, not releasing it creates frustration and tedious suffering follows.
Dhammapada v.341

Ajahn Munindo says ...
With the right quality of mindfulness at the right moment, we can see why and how attaching to joy and sorrow perpetuates suffering. We become interested in how to experience pleasure without making it 'my' pleasure or creating an 'I' that is having a good time. Wise reflection shows us that when attachment is taken out of the experience, happiness isn't diminished - in fact it is enhanced. When we are accurately aware, intelligence can function in the service of insight. If we appreciate how grasping at the pleasure spoils the beauty, an ease of being emerges.

Mmmm interesting. Of course loaded with my own issue of addiction, which involves craving, this disease so far cannot be 'cured' and therefore the wisdom is to not 'pick up'. However when it comes to food and relationships the cure is about having boundaries and this is where I can get a little confused. If it is possible to have boundaries and therefore engage with the behaviour that is supposedly addictive, why isn't it possible to have boundaries around substances etc??? It is a question that really I am not looking for an answer to yet it does get raised often enough to make me wonder. The thing is I suppose that the craving is for an instant gratification to avoid dealing with something at a deeper level.
Then there is sexual gratification. This is the most powerful 'reward' known to man. It's no wonder people get addicted to it. I think it is a more powerful addiction for men than for women. Some women I hear a total sex addiction. For me I truly believe that the sex element is more about being in a relationship or gratifying a man. However I have experienced the joy of sex and it has become intense for me within the relationship or liaisons (for example slavery).
So I think when I have re-read the above statement by Ajahn Munindo I am gaining this understanding - I am not sure how to put it into words. Craving is an indication that I am believing that something external to me is the cause of happiness or pleasure. And what is far healthier is when I realise that actually it I that have experienced happiness and pleasure within me. If I remove the externals I can still experience happiness and pleasure just through being and if I engage with that happiness and pleasure. The longing or feeling of being without seems to bring pain and loss and actually that is within me. Again I can be with that loss and pain but remove the feeling of suffering because of loss.
Mmm not sure I have made sense of things there. I can be a light and happy person without the need of anything at all. This emotion is within me and accessible at any time I choose. I can choose to be happy. When the clinical depression isn't on me I can easily do that. I can acknowledge when I am suffering and re-think that quite easily. I would never deny myself my emotions though. And often I think the Dhammapada is talking about not having the full range of feelings. But actually I think it is the opposite. The spiritual growth is to take a look at the feelings and what is behind them. Suffering the Buddhists say is a necessary part of the journey towards healing and well being. Just as psychologists say that any change has varying degrees of grief - denial, anger, sadness, bargaining and then acceptance. Depending of the attachment levels the journey through those five will be variable. Often when reaching acceptance it goes again. It's a process, not to be stopped but to be observed and permit.
That's what I think. I do read it though as if the way I do it is wrong and feelings are not permitted - That is loaded with messages from the past. I think religions and belief systems are so misunderstood. Actually I know it's a legacy of history - interpretations and re-interpretations BUT I think the Victorian era had a lot to do with puritanical living. There was a very exacting attitude. Perfectionism. And then two world wars after which a sense of "should be grateful" as people had survived such hardship. It's interesting to step back and see how social events and situations impact upon beliefs and cultures.
And of course with the world wars it was about science - more and more equipment to outsmart the enemy. I expect people had to ignore the effects on people because it was so enormous. Although there was research intot he effects of war such as PTSD. I wonder why there was so little assistance then for sufferers. I always think the army can't really acknowledge problems otherwaise they would become compasssionate and lose the aggression to teach men to be fighters and killers. I do think the army selects angry young men. Men who do not know they are so angry. The are ripe for the job. Dysfunctional backgrounds gerasped and turned into fighting machines. Obviously Natonal Service meant that men were swept along wven though thery weren't naturally aggressive - and of course the desire to defend the country.


"19th-century society (1840-1900).  Late 19th-century society inevitably influenced the outlooks of many early psychologists. In an era dominated in the UK by Queen Victoria, it is perhaps not surprising that nineteenth century society is seen as strict and regimented, with little opportunity either for women or for individuality.  However, it was also an era of inventions – from the telegraph in the 1840s through to the motor car, telephone, and great advances in engineering, in travel and in the natural sciences. It was also in this period that modern psychology came into being in a number of countries. As an era, it was one in which it was believed that everything could be classified, ordered and tamed, through science, engineering and medicine. Perhaps not surprisingly, measurement and classification were two important themes in the work of early psychologists, alongside the development of medical psychiatry and early studies of hypnotism and hysteria. The development of psychology in the late 19th Century is also important because there were no funded University posts in psychology until the end of the century. As such, early psychological research was (with some notable exceptions) generally conducted by 'gentlemen scientists' who tended to come from privileged backgrounds"

"World War I (1914 - 1918).  Psychology was first used widely in the First World War in 1917, when mass psychometric testing was carried out by the US Army. Psychologists also studied 'shell shock' or war neuroses (later recognised as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD)
It could be argued that applied psychology was effectively born during World War I. For instance, studies of fatigue in munitions factories were the first major industrial psychology studies to be conducted. Psychologists also worked on specific programs, like for instance, the selection of hydrophone operators best suited for 'hearing submarines'.  According to Hearnshaw (The Shaping of Modern Psychology, 1989), the work of psychologists during World War I “helped to establish the claims of applied psychology, and led to its continuation on a still small, but nevertheless significant, scale” (p. 200).  "

"World War II (1939-1945). The Second World War had two main effects on the development of psychology. Firstly, a diaspora of Jewish intellectuals from Europe arrived in Great Britain and the United States, and secondly, psychological research was funded, and used extensively during the war.\n\n1. The diaspora.  The diaspora refers to the scattering of Jewish people around the world before, during and following the Second World War. This scattering of intellectuals had a pronounced effect, not because of the psychologists who fled, but also because of the many US or UK psychologists who came into contact with many new ideas for the first time. This included not only fellow psychologists, but also philosophers, linguists and novelists.
As well as the Jewish diaspora, a large number of gentile intellectuals also left Germany and mainland Europe before and during the war, often for New York or London, where they interacted and greatly influenced the existing scholars. According to Peter Robinson, who edited a volume of essays dedicated to Henri Tajfel  “…it is thanks to the émigrés of Henri's generation that the field gained a foothold in the academic world” (Robinson, 1996, p. xi).  2. Applications of psychology.  Unlike the First World War, when the application of psychology began only towards the end, psychology was used almost immediately from the beginning of World War II. Also, unlike World War I, where most psychological input was in the selection of recruits or treatment of 'shell shock', during World War II psychologists contributed in a variety of different areas. For instance, psychologists worked on:
• Personality psychometrics – Psychologists devised tests used for the selection of 'officer material' and in the main combatant forces. In the UK, the War Office Selection Boards were set up in 1942 for this purpose, and by 1945 some 100,000 applicants for officer rank had been psychometrically tested. Also, during the war factor analytic techniques first applied on a mass scale – for instance, H.J. Eysenck studied 700 patients at the Mill Hill Emergency Hospital during the war. This research was the basis for his subsequent theory of personality.
• Psychiatric disabilities of war – For instance, work at the Tavistock Clinic on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Psychoanalytic theories. 
• Attitude research - large research programs on attitude change and persuasion were funded by the American Army during the war. Related research on leadership and group behaviour was also extensively funded during this period.
• Interaction with equipment – World War II was unique in its reliance on human operation of new technology, in areas as diverse as air traffic control, radar or code breaking. This led to psychological research into topics such as vigilance, training, stress and decision making. During this time, some old concepts (e.g. attention) were investigated with new vigour, while new concepts (e.g. stress) were developed as explanatory concepts.
• The rapid development of neuropsychology in the 1950s was very much based on studies of combat victim's head wounds and their subsequent psychological functioning"

This is information from OU - just a snippet from the Timeline that I find very helpful. So yes everything was very rigid and tidy. Scientifically, what was going on within the person i.e. emotions and thoughts were considered irrelevant. So just do away with it altogether. Not practical. And I think this has a lot to do with the ways in which stresses manifest so mentally these days. Illnesses that are draining because emotions such as anger and sadness are not permissible. It's all about gratifiation and feelng good all the time. Feeeling good is a part of a process but more and more society offeres ways to instantly feel good. Then what happens with the yin of yang the black and the white the positive and the negative. All of thes things are what makes a being wholesome. Without working throught the black the negative the yin then the positive, the white, the yang is less fulfilling.
Well that's my thoughts on it anyway.
Drop the instant gratification and work through what is actually gong on and then truly feel fulfilling gratitude.
If only I could practice this all of the time

Right off to London - if the B's are actually fit and ready.

Bliss
XX

Art History Lesson - St. Ives Colony

Christopher Wood - known as Kit Wood. He had left his home for Paris with desires of being the greatest artist the world had ever known. However, Diaghilev rejected the commission for the ballet Russe. Kit was in no mind to adjust. And so, with a heavy addiction to opium he returned to the UK. He met and befriended Ben Nicholson and they travelled to St. Ives to paint. 
Sadly he died aged 29. He jumped under a train and was killed. He was paranoid and mentally becoming quite unwell. His addiction to opium had escalated and no doubt contributed enormously to his mental instability.
He moved to St. Ives when a commission in Paris was not liked and he was in no mind to adjust his work. In St. Ives he met with Ben Nicholson.

 
In his time, no doubt this paintings were truly avant-garde. A move away from painting literally and a step towards suggestion. A flatness with depth. I have no idea how to describe that better.

Ben Nicholson and Barbara Hepworth. They met and started a passionate affair, eventually marrying. They had triplets and as a result of the bombings in London moved to the safety of St. Ives. Later Ben had an affair claiming Barbara was only interested in her sculptures. It's so saddening that something apparently so passionate ended in such heart ache. She looked up to him greatly still apparently despite how badly he treated her.



Everything is so light. I learnt that his final studio was in fact bright white light. A stark whiteness.

I was thrilled by the description of this piece by Barbara. According to the art historian Dr James Fox, Barbara was accused of being abstract. But she said she had captured the bay of St. Ives. The shape has been curled around. The white represents the beach and the lines are the waves as they roll in. I think it's stunning. I want it of course. At least I would like to see it at some time.
She was commissioned to sculpt for John Lewis in London


Inspired by the standing stones in the area and to be found all over Devon and Cornwall. She remained in St. Ive and sadly died in a fire at her studio. Previously, she had been creating larger and larger sculptures. Her work was in demand. An unusual achievement really for a female to succeed as a sculptress. Considering her delicate look, there she was chipping away in a very demanding art form. She had assistants actually but if anyone visited they had to hide away.

Ben and Kit had discovered the prolific painter Alfred Wallis. I love that he was painting on anything he could find, bits of cardboard, drift wood etc etc.
He died in very lonely conditions. Such a pity. He was never taught to paint and his style was unusual at the times. He was to influenced by any academic points of view. He was painting without perspective. What he said was that he was painting as he remembered things. It seems sad he was having to deal with the loss through change via his art. I wonder if he was stuck?
 

The very tiny house is apparently meant to be his brothers house. They had fallen out so he took out his anger through his painting. How funny!




At one point during the Second World War, Piet Mondrian joined the St. Ives gang. Now this is interesting because when Barbara and Ben were leaving London, they bumped into Piet, they had beckoned to Piet to jump in the car and go with them. He refused, not liking the countryside.





Fleeing from Russia, Naum Gabo joined the accumulating group of artists. He struggled to acquire the artistic provisions he wanted. However he managed to persuade ICI to allow him to trial various new plastic they were experimenting with.
 So delicate. The shapes he said were inspired by everything around him in St. Ives - shells, rocks, coves, the sea ad so on.

  At the end of the war he left for New York.

Terry Frost returned from the war and wanted to get far away from his home. So St. Ives was suggested as a bohemian centre. It was supposedly rivalling Paris at this time.





His son Anthony Frost is also an artist.
I didn't like these quite as much.

Peter Lanyon arrived ....
He wanted to get close to the feel of the place. He ran up hills to be caught by surprise by the view. He lay beneath the sky. He got wet getting close to the sea. He stood on the edge of the cliffs and climbed rocks. Eventually he got his solo pilots licence and glided over the countryside of St. Ives. All influencing his works.
Sadly his glider crashed and as a result of the injuries he died 4 days later.


Art critic Patrick Heron put down the pen and picked up the brushes. A good friend of Lanyon's.He lived up on a the cliffs. A harsh area to live and endure the elements at their roughest.
His work was influenced by the views from the windows of his house and also doors influenced him.


He also took great pleasure in putting colours on colours. He found the painting of the last bit of white where a new colour met another precious on painted exhilarating

A very interesting art history lesson.
Now I would like to venture down there and visit the Tate St. Ives and also Hepworths gallery.
Yes I will see if there is a way to get there and maybe camp locally.

Bliss
XX

A little bit of grrrrrr - hahahahahahahaha

Becoming more self aware is a joy to behodl.
I sent an email to a friend eariler today owning that I hadbeen completely wrong about something I was adamant I knew to be right. I checked it out as a seed of doubt was implanted at the time and discovered of course that I was wrong. Embarrassing to me but hey! In my head I am thinking I am always so certain about things and this is just one of many thigns that actually I am often wrong about. A lesson to be learnt about being less adamant and more enquiring but also cutting myself a slack because I do make mistakes sometimes and that's OK. Attitude is something I think I can learn to adjust.
LIke I use in my opinion about things I like and dislike - a revelation in being able to own my opinion - I can also say I think or do you know .....?
Anyway I received an email that aroused a grrrrrr in me. The reply said that my friend hadn;t believed me anyway at the time and blah blah blah. I interpreted by this she thought my email was to impart correct information and that she would have been silly enough to believe me. I did not think that at all. I have a feeling she has a big issue about being taken in and defends against that. This is not the grrr - it's the seemingly misunderstood purpose of my email. But what I have realised the level of grrr I have is actually a layer over the embarrassment I feel. It would not even be a grrrrrrrrr more of an irritation that she seems to have misunderstood my intention.
Anyway I laughed at myself when I stoped to think it all through. I have no need to continue the communication. I can actually truly let it go. There is often this jibe from her and many many times I let it go with no need to explain further. I am not sure if that's rught or wrong to do. Does it mean that the full communciation channels are not open - or is it simply that there is no need to anallyse further.
As I own my embarrassment about the knowledge bit I can laugh more at myself. And ask for help in altering the way I present myself. I do no ever want to appear arrogant or egotistical as I do find it distasteful in others. I think I would just like to practice being more enquiring instead.

So whilst I needed to keep a record of this as otherwise I forget it seems the littel lessons I get along my path, it was also a grand deviation from the essay I am attempting to draft.

 

“...the straightforward account of classical conditioning ... is quite easy to explain on the basis of simple changes in synapses” Describe the simple changes and discuss the extent to which all forms of learning can be explained by these simple synaptic changes.

The thing is the information in the books puts it so succinctly it seems silly to re-write it in my own words - tee heeeeeee hahahahahaha. It's ONLY a 1000 words. And then I have loads of reading to do on a subject that should interest me greatly - addiction. And a brief essay and some questions.
So useful this course in understanding the very basics of what is occurring in the brain and body as we go ab out being human.
Amazing. Utterly amazing.

Bliss
XX

X-Men born 1963 - the 60's influences

The 1960s spawned innumerable new social, political and religious movements.  After the austerity of the post-Second World War period there was an economic boom in the West.  The decade opened as South Africa left the Commonwealth with the then Prime Minister, Harold Macmillan, giving his famous 'Winds of Change' speech in which he argued for a 'partnership of races' in that continent, and for inclusion of all in political and economic power.   However , the struggle against apartheid and brutal white supremacist regimes was not to be complete until almost three decades later.  In 1962 the USA became very nervous about the fact that the Soviet Union was building medium range missile sites in Cuba with strike capability on the USA.  After supporting an unsuccessful attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro, the US blockaded Cuba.    Despite the exhortation of his chiefs-of-staff to use nuclear weapons to end the confrontation, President John F. Kennedy insisted on negotiation and averted what could have been the first (and probably last) nuclear war.  In 1964 in Great Britain the Conservatives lost the general election and Harold Wilson became the first Labour prime minister since 1951.  The United States became involved in a war in Vietnam, supporting a series of Saigon-based governments against rebels who appeared to have backing from Communist China and/or the Soviet Union. The US poured in resources, including up to 500.000 troops in the country at any one time.   This war was one of the first in which a civilian population was attacked as much as the forces against whom was undertaken.  The use of chemical weapons such as napalm (a jelly-like chemical flammable substance dropped from the air) and Agent Orange (a herbicide) did vast and terrible damage to the country, its people and the food systems that supported them.  A huge popular protest movement in both the US and across Europe developed against the war.  The ethic of rebellion and questioning of the traditional status quo fuelled the development of protest and alternative cultural, arts and religious movements too.   These movements included the Pop Art movement, modernism and minimalism in art and architecture, the rock, soul and motown movements in music, and transcendental meditation, many cults of various kinds and the alternative lifestyle called 'hippy'.  The idea that individuals should explore their own inner psyches and develop spiritually was also connected to particular drug cultures, where drugs like LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) were purported to produce the same self-knowledge and awareness as meditation and religious experience did.  The chief proponent was an American psychologist Timothy Leary, who famously exhorted his followers to 'Turn on, tune in, drop out'.   This decade spawned relaxation of dress codes and liberalisation of sexual behaviour, enabled by the development of a contraceptive pill, which enabled women for the first time in history to control their fertility.  Despite the apparent tremendous optimism and energy with the decade opened, it closed more sombrely with the promise of wars and destruction becoming ubiquitous.  The Vietnam war continued with thousands dead and opposed by violent demonstrations across the US and Europe; the six-day Arab-Israeli war occurred in 1967; in 1968 Martin Luther King, a US black rights activist was assassinated and Enoch Powell in the UK gave his notorious 'Rivers of Blood' speech opposing immigration; in 1968 also the USSR invaded Czechoslovakia after its liberal leader Alexander Dubcek had introduced the 'Prague Spring' of liberal reforms; in response to sectarian conflict over civil rights in 1969 British troops began to patrol the streets of Northern Ireland.  The continuing sectarian conflict and its consequence became know as the 'Troubles', and has continued into the new century;  in 1969 the there was a very severe famine amongst the Biafran people of Nigeria.  For the first time television began to bring the acute suffering of people of the developing world into the living rooms of every industrialised nation.

Bliss
XX

Where did all the anger go?

Baby souls follow.
Young souls lead.
But old souls, Bliss, are happy to dance alone.
Not that I'm spying on you,
    The Universe

I am not sure what I think about this comment from The Universe. I write The Universe because it's really a money making enterprise that I am hooked up to and receive these little daily messages. They are at times incredibly inspirational.
There is something about young and old souls. Of course no one really knows. But I do get a sense of a difference. I have always hated the idea that I might be a new or young soul. It seems cooler somehow to be an old soul. And that in itself makes me smile and the child in me. Never ever happy just where I am right now. Always wanting something else. I do wonder what this unrest in me is all about? I think it has been with me from a very young earth age. Everything else that I haven't got or done or everywhere else that I haven't been or am not right at this moment or everyone else is better. This can be time and space - spatial and ???? what is the word. Oh I do get fed up with the menopausal memory blocks. Which also makes me smile because I have always had this gappy memory. Spatial and ........ in social psychology the two were used a lot. In biological psychology it's temporal but somehow the word doesn't seem quite right for the fact that temporally I am never happy with the now.
For this now moment I am grateful for the mean to be able to type out my thoughts. And I am grateful for the desire to be literally creative by getting down my thinking. In the here and now I am grateful for a desire to eat healthier. Oh I need to be grateful for something in the past - yesterday talking with the one of the housekeepers at work. Wow gran words we use for cleaner. Isn't it funny how we use words and over time they become politically incorrect because humans attach meaning to the words that someone else doesn't like. Anyway the cleaner or housekeeper (which in time will have some derogatory meaning and will be re-named) and I were talking somehow about over eating. I was talking with an addictions therapist head on as she asked me my opinion on hypnosis as a means to overcome smoking and over eating. I was brilliant I thought ha ha! I was talking about how well it can work but not in isolation. I explained that I thought hypnosis can temporarily seem to alter the conditioning that I believe is a part of "addictive" behaviours. Such as when we are children and crying quite often parents use sweet things to pacify or soothe. And so, as with Pavlov's dog, the ways in which synapses alter in the brain with the pairing of food and attention becomes learnt, the hypnosis might temporarily put some control over this. However, hypnosis doesn't deal with the emotional reactions to everyday life. Therefore unless these are addressed, the hypnosis never seems to have a long lasting affect in altering the learnt behaviour. It is apparent for instance that smoking is a great suppressant for anger. So whilst hypnosis has removed the desire to smoke using all sorts of clever alarms - maybe even implanted memories - it hasn't removed anger. Thank goodness as anger is a valid and necessary emotion. I loved the lecture I gave yesterday on becoming aware of anger as a trigger to relapse.  Anyway stop bragging. The anger rises as a result of life and this is more powerful than the hypnosis and so the addict returns to smoking to manage the anger.
I just have to say that I heard a while ago that the gift of anger is energy. And this tied nicely with something I heard years ago and held onto that emotion is energy in motion e-motion. Loved it. So this two together make total sense. The difficulty is learning to separate the emotion from the behaviour and start identifying the variations of anger and choose to behave differently - not to get rid of the anger but to use the energy in a healthier way. Where on earth am I going with all of this. Oh yes the cleaner/housekeeper and over eating. So as I was explaining my theory she spoke about being out with friends who were all eating things she wanted so in the end she gave in and put down her less fattening foods and succumbed to eating the things she wanted so much like her friends. I said that with alcohol or drugs we tell people that in early days they need to avoid alcohol and drugs. To get some strength in their recovery rather than put themselves at the risk of temptation. When feeling OK it's no problem but if unaware of emotions bubbling underneath relapse is much more likely. And then I said it's a matter of acceptance that we cannot eat like other people just like the alcoholic has to accept that they cannot drink like other people. Despite having said this over and over for 10 years or so and applied it to myself with substances including nicotine, it was like a thunderbolt of revelation, like I had never heard it before .... amazing. I just need to accept that I cannot eat like others. That for some reason I have an addiction to sugary foods. I think white flour in this country doesn't help either. White flour is less refined in places like France and so the bread etc is very different.
I just need to accept that I cannot touch those things. And as much as I want want want them I need to stay off them. Alcohol and drugs were easy compared to this..... smoking was difficult enough but I used sugar. When I hear people talking about just being able to have anything but needing to manage it - well this is like telling an alcoholic to control their drinking. It rarely if ever works out.
So I need to apply the same to my food. I have tried all sorts of ways to be able to allow myself sweet things. Chocolate and sweets and cakes and so on. If M sticks with the Dukan diet she too will have a maintenance programme that is for life. I feel jealous immediately of people that can have ..... and it seems to me that others won;t understand it or take it seriously. And this is just how the folk in our treatment think. They go through doubts and fear. Ugh the shame of telling people that I may have got it wring and actually I cannot have. But even worse the disbelief in me that I will be able to stick to it so already building up the case for when I relapse. Actually I hope I can hold onto this as I can relate it so well with people in the group. I know myself the similarity in the thinking when deciding to give things up. There is such a negotiation in my head. And if I can be honest about it then I can get the support.
So for today I will not have sugar. I will be stressed at times as I am starting essay 1 - funnily enough much to do with learning and memory and the Hebbian learning of changes at the synapse.
How interesting how much more I know as a result of my course that helps with every day things. I didn't know it would be so useful. My problem is explaining things clearly and usefully.

Man! How I wonder off topic. That's going with the flow of the thinking. All the little electic sparks firing off and awakening different pockets of information. One day they may discover where the store of information is beause right now there is no knowledge of hos the electricity becomes conscious thoughts and memories. Amazing humans!!
So as for baby, young and old souls. In my opinion there is something in this. However, I do think different life circumstances can awaken the old soul.
With a more direct reference to what is being siad about the baby, young and old soul, yes I see that with wisdom there is less need to be with a someone. I still would like to meet a someone to share with. I am wondering if the longing is more prevalent when I am lower in mood. When everything seems so bleak and lonely and pointless. And that is possibly where the addictive element gets triggered. The desire and "need". When I am feeling uplifted and skipping along my path, the need is less. I can think more freely just how people come and go. Friends, partners and acquaintances. I meet an array of personalities that contribute greatly to the moments a long the way. Some stay and some are momentary. And I am at ease with that so long as my mood isn't in the pits and my path looks narrow with barbed wire fencing lining the route, dead animals rotting on the barbs, trees over hanging blotting out any sunlight, unfirm ground and in places bogs to navigate, empty of people, silent of life, no one and nothing ahead just more of the same. Still that's improvement on the tiny black sealed box I used to be in at my lowest.
Now the same path has fileds either side, stretching to hills or sea, forests. The path is windy and beyond each corner there is something that looks interesting to explore. There is sunlight and moonlight, there are people criss-crossing the path. Unicorns and faeries. So so so many things of interest that there isn't enough time in my life to pursue them all. So suddenly who needs one person.
Does this mean that I have an old soul? If so what happens to the old soul when the bleak blackness descends? Who knows? Nobody really knows. Do we need to know? Only when we are looking for certainty. Trust is the response to fear rather than certainty and control.
For today I trust. Lovely.

Bliss
XX

Prison of geneology

Outram Road Prison

Freedom from bondage

Facing the truths hidden behind our fears is a path not easy to take; it can be a dark & difficult path to walk.You don’t walk this journey alone, Divine protection & love is always with you.With each step you take the path will become brighter as you’re set free from the bonds we have put on our hearts, minds & soul.You will emerge from the darkness with a new freedom, a richer love & acceptance of self

Bliss
XX

Discerningly judging

Years ago now I was wondering about judgement - and as I gently enquired without insisting on learning, I was gently provided with information.

Judgement needs to be made but to give judgement justice, it needs time.

Judgement cannot be made by time alone.

Bliss
XX

Moon rise

There is a beautiful silvery light breaking through the darkness. A darkness that is more than just a room with no light. It's a darkness that actually has removed the light. A darkness that is not just around me it is actually a physical being that is upon me, all around me. And it's lifting. I feel more engaged with me recently. It is with relief. And with the silvery light I feel awe and wonder in not just the world and Universe but with my path.
My heart is singing and my soul is flying. It is sure to pass but so does the darkness.
I want to dance and play in the silvery light whilst it glistens all around me.

I am about to embark on  new set of step work. I know already that it is a look beneath another layer of the onion skin and am excited to discover and new depth of myself.

I would so like to be brave enough to put the writing on this blog but bloody hell that would require me to truly trust andyou know what? Sadly I am afraid still.
Perhaps there is a way I can use the awareness in another form, maybe fiction.
Crikey! This will be the most personally revealing stpe work so far. The layers are peeling away.

I am sad about the bi-polar though. I am sad what this can do. I LOVE LOVE adore the highs and even the nuttiness that this can involve. It's just adventurous although at times quite dangerous and potentially destructive. The lows can kill in another way. I really don't find it wasy how they seem to blacken the flow of spirit and will to live.

I can't truly begin to put into words how wonderful it feels to be showering in silvery light. I know it can be a fleeting moment. It could be longer but I amwriting this to cherish the moment.

It' a funny, wiggeldy, piggeldy path ......





Life can be hell, or life can be heaven, all dependent on your own outlook and vision

Bliss
XX

Hungarian Photography in the 20th Century foxy

Brassaï, Robert Capa, André Kertész, László Moholy-Nagy and Martin Munkácsi each left Hungary to make their names in Germany, France and the USA, and are now known for the profound changes they brought about in photojournalism, as well as abstract, fashion and art photography.
Others, such as Károly Escher, Rudolf Balogh and Jószef Pécsi remained in Hungary producing high-quality and innovatory photography. A display of approximately two hundred photographs ranging in date from c.1914–c.1989 will explore stylistic developments in photography and chart key historical events. These striking images will reveal the achievements of Hungarian photographers who left such an enduring legacy to international photography.
Exhibition organised by the Royal Academy of Arts on the occasion of the Hungarian Presidency of the EU 2011

Unless A cancels this is what I am looking forward to on Sunday. Royal Academy, London.

 Capa

Brassai

Kertesz

Laszlo Moholy-Nagy

Munkacsi
Oddly enough I am going to see an exhibition of Frida's work next month. Feeling so so lucky.

I am liking Munkasci a lot. I read about the skill he showed in capturing action.

There are so many I truly like - I wouldn't know which one to print - someone choose one for me please. I bet I end up buying a book if there is one.

Self-taught, Martin worked since 1912 as a sports reporter in Budapest, and, in the early 1920s, started to publish his first photos. At the time, sports action photography could only be done in bright light outdoors. His innovation was to make sports pictures as meticulously composed action photographs, which required much artistic and technical skills
Munkácsi's break-through was to happen upon a fatal crime scene, which he photographed. Those photos affected the outcome of the trial of the accused killer, and gave Munkácsi considerable notoriety. That notoriety helped him get a job in Berlin in 1928, for the Berliner Illustrierte Zeitung, where his first published photo was a race car splashing its way through a puddle. He also worked for the fashion magazine Die Dame. Berliner Illustrierte Zeitung was a weekly magazine with a circulation of 2 million copies. It was Germany's first magazine where stories were told by photos primarily. Muncácsi there worked alongside with the ingenious Erich Salomon who was the first who called himself a "Bildjournalist".

"My trick—is there one? Well, perhaps a bitter youth with many changes of occupation, with the necessity of trying everything from poetry to berry picking. These difficult early years probably constitute the sources of my modest photographic activity." (Martin Munkácsi)Dog Market England





I seem to get the impression that photography before this time was "still". Munkasci's shots were unique, somehow angular (although that probably only means something to me), alacritous. I am sure I can learn more whilst there at the Roayl Academy. Reading and preparing is certainly giving me a greater understanding of the term street photography.  Well at least I think I am gaining a different understanging. I am now so looking forward to seeing these photographs. Sheer brilliance


Bliss
xx

Some people don't like endings and destinations

Makes you wonder huh? Was it ever fisnished? Did it just crumble and die?

Quite quotes

Bliss, the beginner scorns criticism.
The wise soul carefully weighs it.
And the Master says, "But, of course!"
    The Universe

Some say negative things behind your back & good things to you, those are your enemies. Some say negative things to your face & good things behind your back, those are your friends. -Jimmy McClendon

No matter what others may ever think or say, always knowing who YOU really are is true self-confidence at the end of the day ~ Themis Eagleson

In life, the best journey of all is the one that brings truth and understanding behind the beauty of your soul ~ Themis Eagleson

"Happiness is a general form of spiritual contentment. When we experience a lasting happiness, like a fragrant flower, we cannot hold it in...we have to share it with others. Giving others a chance to experience bliss allows them to cultivate their own personal satisfaction deep within, bringing about a social community that grows and blooms together." - Tenzin Senge

It's not that you worry, Bliss, but that you care. A lot.
And knowing this difference can make such a difference, because then you can also remember that caring is my specialty, that every life unfolds in the palm of my hand, and that not one second of eternity is ever revealed that I haven't carefully prepared.
Silly,
    The Universe

Death through powerlessness

When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction you await the phone call. There will be a phone call. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they’ve had enough, that they’re ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though, you fear the other call, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it’s too late, she’s gone.
Frustratingly it’s not a call you can ever make it must be received. It is impossible to intervene.
I’ve known Amy Winehouse for years. When I first met her around Camden she was just some twit in a pink satin jacket shuffling round bars with mutual friends, most of whom were in cool Indie bands or peripheral Camden figures Withnail-ing their way through life on impotent charisma. Carl Barrat told me that “Winehouse” (which I usually called her and got a kick out of cos it’s kind of funny to call a girl by her surname) was a jazz singer, which struck me as a bizarrely anomalous in that crowd. To me with my limited musical knowledge this information placed Amy beyond an invisible boundary of relevance; “Jazz singer? She must be some kind of eccentric” I thought. I chatted to her anyway though, she was after all, a girl, and she was sweet and peculiar but most of all vulnerable.
I was myself at that time barely out of rehab and was thirstily seeking less complicated women so I barely reflected on the now glaringly obvious fact that Winehouse and I shared an affliction, the disease of addiction. All addicts, regardless of the substance or their social status share a consistent and obvious symptom; they’re not quite present when you talk to them. They communicate to you through a barely discernible but un-ignorable veil. Whether a homeless smack head troubling you for 50p for a cup of tea or a coked-up, pinstriped exec foaming off about his “speedboat” there is a toxic aura that prevents connection. They have about them the air of elsewhere, that they’re looking through you to somewhere else they’d rather be. And of course they are. The priority of any addict is to anaesthetise the pain of living to ease the passage of the day with some purchased relief.
From time to time I’d bump into Amy she had good banter so we could chat a bit and have a laugh, she was “a character” but that world was riddled with half cut, doped up chancers, I was one of them, even in early recovery I was kept afloat only by clinging to the bodies of strangers so Winehouse, but for her gentle quirks didn’t especially register.
Then she became massively famous and I was pleased to see her acknowledged but mostly baffled because I’d not experienced her work and this not being the 1950’s I wondered how a “jazz singer” had achieved such cultural prominence. I wasn’t curious enough to do anything so extreme as listen to her music or go to one of her gigs, I was becoming famous myself at the time and that was an all consuming experience. It was only by chance that I attended a Paul Weller gig at the Roundhouse that I ever saw her live.
I arrived late and as I made my way to the audience through the plastic smiles and plastic cups I heard the rolling, wondrous resonance of a female vocal. Entering the space I saw Amy on stage with Weller and his band; and then the awe. The awe that envelops when witnessing a genius. From her oddly dainty presence that voice, a voice that seemed not to come from her but from somewhere beyond even Billie and Ella, from the font of all greatness. A voice that was filled with such power and pain that it was at once entirely human yet laced with the divine. My ears, my mouth, my heart and mind all instantly opened. Winehouse. Winehouse? Winehouse! That twerp, all eyeliner and lager dithering up Chalk Farm Road under a back-combed barnet, the lips that I’d only seen clenching a fishwife fag and dribbling curses now a portal for this holy sound. So now I knew. She wasn’t just some hapless wannabe, yet another pissed up nit who was never gonna make it, nor was she even a ten-a-penny-chanteuse enjoying her fifteen minutes. She was a fucking genius.
Shallow fool that I am I now regarded her in a different light, the light that blazed down from heaven when she sang. That lit her up now and a new phase in our friendship began. She came on a few of my TV and radio shows, I still saw her about but now attended to her with a little more interest. Publicly though, Amy increasingly became defined by her addiction. Our media though is more interested in tragedy than talent, so the ink began to defect from praising her gift to chronicling her downfall. The destructive personal relationships, the blood soaked ballet slippers, the aborted shows, that youtube madness with the baby mice. In the public perception this ephemeral tittle-tattle replaced her timeless talent. This and her manner in our occasional meetings brought home to me the severity of her condition. Addiction is a serious disease; it will end with jail, mental institutions or death. I was 27 years old when through the friendship and help of Chip Somers of the treatment centre, Focus12 I found recovery, through Focus I was introduced to support fellowships for alcoholics and drug addicts which are very easy to find and open to anybody with a desire to stop drinking and without which I would not be alive.
Now Amy Winehouse is dead, like many others whose unnecessary deaths have been retrospectively romanticised, at 27 years old. Whether this tragedy was preventable or not is now irrelevant. It is not preventable today. We have lost a beautiful and talented woman to this disease. Not all addicts have Amy’s incredible talent. Or Kurt’s or Jimi’s or Janis’s, some people just get the affliction. All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. We need to review the way society treats addicts, not as criminals but as sick people in need of care. We need to look at the way our government funds rehabilitation. It is cheaper to rehabilitate an addict than to send them to prison, so criminalisation doesn’t even make economic sense. Not all of us know someone with the incredible talent that Amy had but we all know drunks and junkies and they all need help and the help is out there. All they have to do is pick up the phone and make the call. Or not. Either way, there will be a phone call.

The Bradbury Building

Bright lights

The light that shines very brightly shines for half as long

Bliss
xx

Humble horses

A well-trained horse gives no cause for restraint. Rare are those beings who, through modesty and discipline give no cause for rebuke.
v.143

Ajahn Munindo says ...
Is it possible to have too much modesty? It is possible to have the wrong kind of modesty; when, for example, refraining from blatant greed is being manipulative. Modesty, frugality and discipline: words like these can make us feel uneasy. Yet certainly there are timeless principles encoded in them. When we have true modesty we look for the "right amount" of things. We seek the difference between settling for "good enough" and being too timid to excel. With right discipline we are focused on the task at hand without compromising sensitivity. One skilled in right discipline can say no when needed, not out of judgement or mere preference, but as someone who cares.

I cherish the idea of modesty. There are times when I observe myself being less than modest - superior, arrogant, egotistical. It is interesting to observe but also very unlikeable. I noticed on Saturday how disengaged I was in a kind of superior way. I listened and watched the lack of self awareness but with a smugness rather than as a part of. Thankfully watching myself I could keep reminding myself of where I come from and it is no different at all. Life gives me so many opportunities to regard me within the connections and interactions.
It's all so interesting. With my mood seemingly more levelled out right now it is also easier to feel OK about me and me within the world. Oddly I don't feel too great about the circumstances within which I have to operate but I am also uncertain how to move out of it - scared perhaps more than uncertain. I have ideas of how I would like things to be but also afraid - not trusting. It leaves me feeling uncertain about what would be secure for when I am older and frail. Unable to work I would be starving and stuck. So instead I stay stuck and dissatisfied with many things. Not ungrateful at all. I am very grateful for everything I have. But there are different things that I should like to experience.
This is not humility though. Humility I think would be accepting where I am right now and following the flow of the river presented to me.
Things that are offers of changed flows - a visit to R on her barge. A visit to IOW with RF and then a visit to Spain with her too. I have an invite to Norway which I look forward to taking. There have been some lovely gallery visits and theatre. And there are more planned.
How wonderful that I have these opportunities, whether I take them or not.

I have felt so so sad today. I cried when I got to work. Thinking of how my cousin looks, She is so so ill. Thinking of my Auntie begging God to let her take the pain and give life to L. It's just awful. Seeing the little girls. Who knows what they are thinking or knowing?? It seems all so unfair and topsy turvy. I still don't understand and the humility is that I a not to reason why. I don't have to like it though.

I pray for her. I don't know what to pray for her. But I just pray. God carry her please. Carry those girls and my Auntie. Please?

I sent an email to JH to say hello. I hoped he would reply but didn't expect him to. I was so sad to learn that he is unwell. I was also very sorry that he said he felt rejected and a failure. I read that as if I was being blamed. Maybe it's the language difference. However I can take it. It wasn't what I had meant throughout but can feel sorry that that is how JH was feeling.
I wish him a speedy recovery and all the strength needed to deal with his emotions around the big changes with divorce and negotiating for the house he so wants.

Generally today I feel exhausted. The emotions of yesterday, the extraction of energy working with people struggling so, death in abundance right now, sadness in abundance right now. A dissatisfaction yet a calm within me. I never understand the ways in which almost polar opposite emotions can seemingly sit side by side within me. I am multi dimensional and many feelings  can coincide. I accept this in this very moment.
I am a quirky little person, humans are quirky little beings.

Off to watch the rest of the film

Bliss
XX

Running the Blade

Dali seemed to like the eye and razor image, and the ants. Long after Un Chein Andalou, he used it again.

Alfred Hitchcock, talking about Spellbound:

"I was determined to break with the traditional way of handling dream sequences through a blurred and hazy screen. I asked Seiznick if he could get Dali to work with us and he agreed, though I think he didn't really understand my reasons for wanting Dali. He probably thought I wanted his collaboration for publicity purposes. The real reason was that I wanted to convey the dreams with great visual sharpness and clarity, sharper than the film itself. I wanted Dali because of the architectural sharpness of his work. Chirico has the same quality, you know, the long shadows, the infinity of distance, and the converging lines of perspective.

"But Dali had some strange ideas, he wanted a statue to crack like a shell falling apart, with ants crawling all over it, and underneath, there would be Ingrid Bergman, covered by the ants! It just wasn't possible.

"My idea was to shoot the Dali dream scenes in the open air so that the whole thing, photographed in real sunshine, would be terribly sharp. I was very keen on that idea, but the producers were concerned about the expense. So we shot the dream in the studios."

From Hitchcock by Francois Truffaut (Panther, 1969:



Interesting - I used the comment running the blade and a friend came backl talking about blades and eyes in relation to me snipping this picture and posting it.

It's actually a snip from Blade Runner which I am re-watching for it's sheeer brilliance.

Anyway as a result of my friends comment I looked upo Dali and the eye razor connection. I am not sure what else she is referring to - I will update you as soon as ....

Temptation

(Tom Waits)

Rusted brandy in a diamond glass
Everything is made from dreams
Time is made from honey slow and sweet
Only the fools know what it means
Temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist
Well I know that she is made of smoke
But I've lost my way
He knows that I am broke
But I must pay him
Temptation, oh temptation, temptation, I can't resist
Dutch pink and Italian blue
He's there waiting for you
My will has disappeared
Now confusion is oh so clear
Temptation, temptation, temptation
I can't resist
Temptation, for love, temptation, temptation
I can't resist

Age

My Back Pages - Bob Dylan

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon," said I
Proud 'neath heated brow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
Girls' faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
A self-ordained professor's tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.
Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

Werdly diversifying days

Transactional Analysis: Drama Triangle Of Rescuer, Persecutor And Victim

Transactional Analysis is a therapeutic and analytical system developed by Eric Berne. It focuses on personality, social interaction and therapeutic analysis. Part of the system looks at the games people play, and the roles they assume in these games. There are three basic roles:
The Rescuer
We take on the role of rescuer when we perceive another person to be hopeless and helpless, in other words a victim. As part of this role we take full responsibility for that person’s well being, making them feel as though they can’t help themselves. By adopting this role we keep others dependent on us and make them feel that they can’t cope without us.
The Persecutor
Persecutors start off as rescuers or victims. Because rescuers have assumed total responsibility for a victims well being, the victim will ask questions of the rescuer. The rescuer tries to solve the questions and give answers, but becomes increasingly frustrated when the victim rejects all of these answers as being unhelpful. Rescuers then begin to persecute the victim. This emphasises the fact that we shouldn’t try to rescue people who don’t need to be.
The Victim
Victims are often helped by rescuers when they haven’t asked to be. There are situations in life where people are victims, for example someone who has been burgled or assaulted, but in transactional analysis the victim contributes to the game. They pass all responsibility for their well being to the rescuer, and don’t try to overcome this oppression. Victims eventually persecute their rescuers.
Where does this game begin? According to Berne families are ‘the training ground’ for the Drama triangle with children assuming the role of the victim and parents the rescuers/persecutors. Examples would be parents deciding on what friends a child should have, or reminding them that adults “know what’s best”. We may take these beliefs into adulthood. If we don’t want to be a victim we must stand up for ourselves and demand not to be rescued. Rescuers may struggle to take no for an answer because they feel guilty when not playing the rescuing game. Victims therefore have to be determined!
Are you a victim or a rescuer in Berne’s game of life?

I start with this as I went along to a group of 4 (including me) with the idea that we would discuss the beginnings of writing a play. Instead as I really quite expected the discussion was all about personal experiences, mainly of abusive backgrounds.
It did feel a little like a busman's holiday to be truthful. My choice to sit and listen and participate verbally less and less. With one woman I felt an intolarnce towards and the first sign of this was when I detected a sharpness in my disagreement with her. I quietened myself and elected to listen more and observe myself and my emotions. To be a part of the little group, I decided to ask enquiring questions rather than try and protest my disagreemtn. What did I notice? I noticed my strong aversion to the sweeping statements that I hear from this woman. I felt a subtle control from her. I think her meaning was well intended but what I felt so strongly against was the ways in which I was told my emotions and how I should fee.. Also the generalisations were boxing. I have felt this with PS and B and notice how in my feeling boxed, I get defensive and want to push a way out. I try keeping these people away and then feel so bad.
What I also want to acknowledge is the wonderful sense of connection I feel with people though. Aware of my reactions to this lady I was able to adjust myself and find the positivity in her. And then the immediate positive connection with KJ - beautiful woman. And L last nigth too. I have a vision of these two women in my mind that I would love somehow to trust myself to transfer onto paper - right from my minds eye. I will try. KJ needs to be bright pastels on black paper. L needs to be a pencil sketch.
I will have Blade Runner on whilst trying to produce my memory of wonderful folk onto paper.

Bliss
XX

A lot of tragic loss and a natural course of death too

Lucien Freud died yesterday. I believe he died of old age and the natural cause of things.
My friend has said that she finds his depiction of women distasteful. She says he makes them look like pieces of meat. I listened to a recording of him saying that he wanted to show people as they were, lumps bumps and everything. He also said that he painted people he knew. He said even if it was the twin of someone he knew he wouldn't paint them as it was the essence of the person he wanted to capture. A woman who sat for him was saying that he spent time getting to know her. She was £20 per day sitting but he took her to lunch which would cost £80. This slightly contradicted really what I had understood from what he had said. I had understood that he literally knew everyone before they sat for him but in this case the model was someone he got to know as she sat.
Someone else said that the eyes of the woman always looked out of gauntness and as if surprised .. what  do I think?
Of the paintings I have seen directly, I thought there was an empty look in the eyes. I felt that there was relationship with women that was somehow distant for him. I wondered about his sexuality as I observed what he showed. Apparently he had many many affairs and marriages with women. This means nothing of course except that numerous partners often indicates an inability for intimacy. Always interesting and too late to get to know. And of course most people do not want to explore their behaviours, so long as its working adn they do not hit the rock bottom - if it's working don't change it.
A fascinating man I think. I am interested in his paintings but I do not see him finding beauty and love. I see something else .... Everything is personal interpretation huh



 
 



5 deaths in a hospital (in Stockport) after suspicious circumstances. A nurse Rebbecca Leighton has been arrested under suspicion of contaminating saline drips. Good grief! 

Police clarified earlier reports suggesting a 41-year-old man had died. The officer said he was in fact still very poorly.

Both of them had been on wards A1 and A3 which is where detectives have focused their investigation into the deaths.

Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport confirmed his death today as police continued to question a nurse accused of killing three patients using contaminated drips.

Rebecca Leighton was arrested in a dawn raid at the small flat she shares with her fiancé and was being questioned by detectives last night.

In a statement, Greater Manchester Police said: 'Police have been given more time to question a woman arrested on suspicion of murder.

'The 27-year-old was arrested on Wednesday by detectives investigating the deaths of five patients at Stepping Hill Hospital.

'A warrant of further detention has been granted and is due to expire at 9.05pm on Friday.
'Inquiries are continuing.'

Known as Becki, the 27-year-old works at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport where her mother, Lynda, is understood to be a nurse training manager.

She is being held on suspicion of the murders there of George Keep, 84, Arnold Lancaster, 71, and Tracey Arden, 44.

The 85-year-old woman died on July 14 but her death is being linked with the other four.

A/Ch Const Hopkins said: 'As with the deaths of George Keep, Arnold Lancaster and Tracey Arden the cause of this man and woman's death is not known and it is important we do not lose sight of this fact.

In relation to the death of the woman, this was referred to us by the coroner and after a review of the circumstances surrounding this death - notably the low blood sugar level - we have decided to investigate further.

'In relation to the man's death, due to the fact he suffered a hypoglycaemic episode during a timeframe we are looking at it is only right we conduct further inquiries.

'We have family liaison officers with both families and my thoughts are with them as they are with the relatives of all affected by this incident.


Then the devastating news of a bomb and vile shootings in Norway. I am relieved to know my friend is alive and well.

Norway has been hit by twin attacks - a massive bomb blast in the capital and a shooting attack on young people at a governing Labour Party youth camp.

At least seven people were killed in the bombing, which inflicted huge damage on government buildings in Oslo.

A few hours later a gunman opened fire at the camp on an island outside Oslo, killing ...... at the time of this report the BBC reported 10 people killed. BUt I have heard from other news bulletins of maybe as many as 90 killed and still some people are missing. Young people drowned as they tried to escape by swimming off the island Utoeya.
It's just baffling. I will never get to grips with it - or so I say. I think there is some awareness with the work that I do and studying too of the way that evil can be cultivated without even knowing that its happening. I feel sorrow for the tortured soul within this person who could cause such devastation and trauma.

Amy Whinehouse has been found dead this afternoon - currently the cause of death is unknown. The tragedy of addiction.
   



I saw some photographs of Amy in the depths of her drug use and despair. I felt so sad and could not bring myself to give the disease of addiction space to live by copying them here onto this Blog. It's so tragic! I feel so sad for the waste of a life given over to this disease that ravages souls. What was so painful underneath that she couldn't face. I sit day after day in my job with people who are losing everything slowly, slowly. A woman who has alcoholic dementia and so now she will not remember that she cannot drink. It's just awful. People who have near liver failure but they cannot get that they are powerless over this disease of addiction. So far there is only one solution - abstinence. Handing over the power to other people. I cannot get it around food. I cannot get it around love and relationships - codependency. I understand it fully. It kills - it is violent in it's killing. I am grateful to have been given the gift of recovery. Thank you Universe.
People don't even think they have it! Denial is so convincing and strong. It sabotages living and life.


 And yesterday a client was found dead after disappearing from the hospital the day before.

All these feelings are within me. As always I have a complete void. Just an awareness of something big within me. Perhaps I am over sensitive I don't know but today I am feeling something big about all of these.

This morning I used laxatives. I cannot bear feeling how I do so had to purge. I am powerless over the compulsion.

Tomorrow I am visiting my Auntie and then onto to visit my cousin who is so seriously ill.
My dad called to say he is very ill.

I find it all too overwhelming. I do not want to go to any meetings as everyone will be dwelling in the disaster of an addict dieing.

Bliss with failing words
xx