A really helpful session with S.
.
I have to learn to look after myself but I just don;t feel capable or even want the responsibility. As I am, I am crazed and a bloody liability. The little girl within me just wants to be saved from all the bad things and people.
My safe place is a little room, I mean a tiny room where I can curl up - it's dark in my room but safe. It's at the end of a long long corridor and none knows the room is there. Noone bothers to even look down the corridor.
I have seen eyes in the corner of the room.
I have had a violent relapse as S puts it. I have cut . I deserve better you see. I was manipulative. There is another part of me - there is the lady in the red dress. She sort of arrives, is very attractive, sees a guy who has spotted her, has a torrid affair fr a couple fo days and then she disappears without saying very much at all. She is all powerful and I think she represents the rage that I am feeling. well detaching from and S says that's probabkly saved me to this point in my life. There will be a time I suppose when I will need to face it full on.
Well now I m tired and even though my bed and bedroom feel sordid and violated I will sleep in here.
Night - .
Really night now
