I'm doubting therapy. After years of it for myself and now years of working in it, I'm doubting it. We are just people who don't know anything supporting people in the shit! It's all techniques devised from people who have looked into people and the way we are and making assumptions and stuff but know nothing really. I'm fascinated by people and what we do and how we do it. But therapy is just people thinking they can help people. And I can listen and love and just be there for people but I cannot solve things for them. There are techniques to help support trauma and anxiety. Some people prescribe pills, some people prescribe CBT, some people prescribe treatment programmes. But every person is different. For addiction there are different ways individuals find to manage their lives and I sit in all honesty not knowing which is the best way for a person and yet there are psychiatrist and therapist who are very set I. What they think is he right way and then opposing views, neither of which come to any agreement. And I sit in a session with a client listening to them try to keep control and if they can why not? And on,y when they can't and can finally see that they can't will they go to radical lengths of abstinence.
I'm having a bit of a crisis I suppose. Questioning what I do and it's real worth.
It leaves me scared because I also love doing what I do and clients appreciate the time to sit and talk about themselves whilst they seek ways to feel better. The best I can do is listen and probe with them but I have this preconception that ultimately they have to learn how to abstain and then they will need support and then the 12 step fellowship is the support that's best.
What do I know? I do know it's been a miracle for me, turning my life around and continues to do so. I'm not even sure I was an alcoholic and yet I can see how drink and drugs were certainly controlling my life but I think I was f...ked up anyway. How or why is not really clear.
I've become a little worried recently as when shopping I've had some loud and more regular than I've had for the past 2 1/2 years of "fuck it". I even sniffed K's alcohol bottles whilst there just to see if I liked the smell. The rum smelt full of sugar. I could smell alcohol and to be honest didn't particularly like the smell. I didn't want to drink it and I didn't want to feel drunk. I do like the idea of a good bottle of wine.
So if I don't practice in therapy God, what do I do? What is my purpose.? I would really like some guidance. I absolutely trust it will be some clear. I think I'm tired of me and tired of travelling and tired of me in conflict with P. He says and does many wonderful things. He also is very directive and I get so irritated when he shuts down feelings. What is that in me God? I'd like to understand me better I suppose. Perhaps I cannot grow whilst I'm attempting to support growth in others. What do I do now God?
I genuinely want to be helping people out of their troubles. Whatever role can I have within that? I also don't want to be so low on money. And I do not there are poorer people than me. I have so much.
I'm feeling low about the way I keep my surroundings. I'd like it to be very different. Minimalist. Clean. I'd like it all white and floaty curtains. Everything out away in neat compartments and organised. Yet I don't want to get rid of things I have that belonged to my mum. Yet they are not in the right place here. I'd like the carpets all gone and the moths to all depart. It's the same feeling with the moths as there was with the mice. They are ruining things and they have control. I have too much stuff and too little space to clear everything out so that I can do the thorough clean required. I'm lazy about this too.
So God what do I do next? I know You'll show me as and when it's appropriate. I am not bolting. I am continuing to show up. However I just have no ideas. Oh do I go for the Priory job? I know I need to write to Lifeworks and tell them I'm actually no longer interested but what do I say after having expressed interest and chased them up.
What do I say and do next God? I need patience and trust that all will become clear.
Am I just in another I'm bored stage and flipping out? The grass is greener type thing?
I hope not but even if I am perhaps that's just my path.
Who knows what's right and therefore I'm finding it difficult to be I. An environment where it's the thing to advise people what's right for them. I'm too influenced by P and a desire to get people better rather be along side them whilst they find their way to feeling better.
Bliss
Xx
I'm having a bit of a crisis I suppose. Questioning what I do and it's real worth.
It leaves me scared because I also love doing what I do and clients appreciate the time to sit and talk about themselves whilst they seek ways to feel better. The best I can do is listen and probe with them but I have this preconception that ultimately they have to learn how to abstain and then they will need support and then the 12 step fellowship is the support that's best.
What do I know? I do know it's been a miracle for me, turning my life around and continues to do so. I'm not even sure I was an alcoholic and yet I can see how drink and drugs were certainly controlling my life but I think I was f...ked up anyway. How or why is not really clear.
I've become a little worried recently as when shopping I've had some loud and more regular than I've had for the past 2 1/2 years of "fuck it". I even sniffed K's alcohol bottles whilst there just to see if I liked the smell. The rum smelt full of sugar. I could smell alcohol and to be honest didn't particularly like the smell. I didn't want to drink it and I didn't want to feel drunk. I do like the idea of a good bottle of wine.
So if I don't practice in therapy God, what do I do? What is my purpose.? I would really like some guidance. I absolutely trust it will be some clear. I think I'm tired of me and tired of travelling and tired of me in conflict with P. He says and does many wonderful things. He also is very directive and I get so irritated when he shuts down feelings. What is that in me God? I'd like to understand me better I suppose. Perhaps I cannot grow whilst I'm attempting to support growth in others. What do I do now God?
I genuinely want to be helping people out of their troubles. Whatever role can I have within that? I also don't want to be so low on money. And I do not there are poorer people than me. I have so much.
I'm feeling low about the way I keep my surroundings. I'd like it to be very different. Minimalist. Clean. I'd like it all white and floaty curtains. Everything out away in neat compartments and organised. Yet I don't want to get rid of things I have that belonged to my mum. Yet they are not in the right place here. I'd like the carpets all gone and the moths to all depart. It's the same feeling with the moths as there was with the mice. They are ruining things and they have control. I have too much stuff and too little space to clear everything out so that I can do the thorough clean required. I'm lazy about this too.
So God what do I do next? I know You'll show me as and when it's appropriate. I am not bolting. I am continuing to show up. However I just have no ideas. Oh do I go for the Priory job? I know I need to write to Lifeworks and tell them I'm actually no longer interested but what do I say after having expressed interest and chased them up.
What do I say and do next God? I need patience and trust that all will become clear.
Am I just in another I'm bored stage and flipping out? The grass is greener type thing?
I hope not but even if I am perhaps that's just my path.
Who knows what's right and therefore I'm finding it difficult to be I. An environment where it's the thing to advise people what's right for them. I'm too influenced by P and a desire to get people better rather be along side them whilst they find their way to feeling better.
Bliss
Xx
