The ability to stop, reflect, and go "wow," Bliss, is one of the wisest characteristics an old soul can possess.
I recommend it daily,
The Universe
When my frame of mind is a little more positive, I can remember to stop and look around me and see that everything, yes everything is amazing. people are extraordinary, the world and everything in it is simply amazing. Progress, history, just the day itself, the moon, my little LL, technology, quotes, interactions - well everything - WOW!
So to be able to stop and say wow to what has been occurring between JH and I. The learning that I have experienced. Increased self awareness. Love I have felt in me. Listening to my instincts. Knowing my insecurities can exaggerate. I know that I like him very much, overall. This alone outweighs the things that I have found difficult. I think by sharing my difficulties JH is able to gauge what he is comfortable about for himself and if not he can disregard my opinion. That is each of our prerogative. I am open to feedback even though of course I find it difficult. I do listen and assimilate in my own time. And when I see things that yes I would prefer were different about me I look at how to make changes. That takes practice and support.
I don't like the way I protect myself with behaviours fuelled by anger. The anger is becoming clearer and the drive of that anger too.
I see how frustrated I can get with clients who it is clear are behaving in away that is a destructive pattern but of course they are very defensive and don't want to changee that. And in JH I have so wanted US to be OK that I have been frustrated when I think I observe patterns that seem to be a nag from me to him to alter. HE doesn't see what I see and I don;t know what's i his head. But I can get frustrated instead of saying simply how I feel as a result of the way things have been or what has happened and leave it at that. I want instant change so that he and I can be OK. Some things that are changing will take time and that is why we cannot be girlfriend and boyfriend right now.
We had a lovely date last evening. Sharing some music, JH showed me some art from earlier years. We talked about the same old things of deceit and emotional involvement. Changes taking time etc etc.
I told JH that I am not running. That as his friend he can talk to me about anything - his estranged wife, his children, anything in his life. Of course I am still grieving the more together relationship and somehow it feel as if it's still there. So there will be times when I feel jealousy etc. I think we can be great friends. And who knows what the future can hold????
I watched a very interesting programme which links somewhat with preparing for my forthcoming OU course. The Brain: A Secret History. Very interesting. What was good for me was that it was almost like a recap and revision. I knew the main psychologists being talked about and their experiments.
I hadn't been aware that Pavlov experimented on children. That was very distressing. Video footage showing children operated on and being subjected to classical conditioning. It's distressing enough seeing the animals being subjected to cruelty but children - humph!! Of course he was working in the late 1800's and early 1900's in Russia. Poverty and orphan children etc were considered useful resources for workhouses as well as experiments. Charles Dickens writes extensively about such atrocities.
I hadn't realised how controversial BF Skinner was - his suggestion to systematically alter choice. He didn't hold much truck with free will and recommended ways in which to improve social misdemeanors. He was very unpopular. I hadn't read about him in that detail before.
Followed closely by William Sargent - intrigued by apparent brainwashing of communists on the American POW's. He used ECT and drugs to induce memory changes and modifying behaviours. One poor woman was sent to him because of a difference of opinion about a boyfriend. Gosh! How beautiful that one day after being released she remembered she had a boyfriend and contacted him. They are together today.
And oooo Robert Heath. Probes into the brain to induce experiences - gosh he used mainly Afro Americans like they were animals for experimenting on. How shocking.
And of course Millgram's experiment to explore what led normal decent citizens to follow the horrific orders during the Holocaust. The programme took us to meet the last remaining survivor of the experiment. Fascinating.
What was also interesting was Millgram's reflection on his own emotional response to asking people to give up their seat. There is an awkwardness I feel when asking for my needs or wants to be met - and at other times there is a feeling of right. Interesting. Worthlessness to high ego. I wonder how distorted this has become beyond a survival matter.
A great philosophical debate.Social Psychology is fascinating. As fascinating I think as Biological Psychology. I think the next course I will do is Social. I will leave the Cognitive to last which apparently by a majority vote is one of the hardest.
Fascinating stuff .. and so many questions aroused.
There is a psychologist studying the mind management of flies. Based in Oxford he makes a lot of assumptions or seemingly so in the documentary. I have questions to clarify what we have been told. I wonder if I should email him or perhaps could raise these questions during this course. I will note them down
One is - How do they know that blue light triggers the chemical injected brain cell to have a bad experience and remember that for the future?
Well enough already. Lunch - some reading and then a walk with AB before a game of Scrabble. And then a meeting this evening. I will attempt to take something positive from the meeting.
Bliss
X
I recommend it daily,
The Universe
When my frame of mind is a little more positive, I can remember to stop and look around me and see that everything, yes everything is amazing. people are extraordinary, the world and everything in it is simply amazing. Progress, history, just the day itself, the moon, my little LL, technology, quotes, interactions - well everything - WOW!
So to be able to stop and say wow to what has been occurring between JH and I. The learning that I have experienced. Increased self awareness. Love I have felt in me. Listening to my instincts. Knowing my insecurities can exaggerate. I know that I like him very much, overall. This alone outweighs the things that I have found difficult. I think by sharing my difficulties JH is able to gauge what he is comfortable about for himself and if not he can disregard my opinion. That is each of our prerogative. I am open to feedback even though of course I find it difficult. I do listen and assimilate in my own time. And when I see things that yes I would prefer were different about me I look at how to make changes. That takes practice and support.
I don't like the way I protect myself with behaviours fuelled by anger. The anger is becoming clearer and the drive of that anger too.
I see how frustrated I can get with clients who it is clear are behaving in away that is a destructive pattern but of course they are very defensive and don't want to changee that. And in JH I have so wanted US to be OK that I have been frustrated when I think I observe patterns that seem to be a nag from me to him to alter. HE doesn't see what I see and I don;t know what's i his head. But I can get frustrated instead of saying simply how I feel as a result of the way things have been or what has happened and leave it at that. I want instant change so that he and I can be OK. Some things that are changing will take time and that is why we cannot be girlfriend and boyfriend right now.
We had a lovely date last evening. Sharing some music, JH showed me some art from earlier years. We talked about the same old things of deceit and emotional involvement. Changes taking time etc etc.
I told JH that I am not running. That as his friend he can talk to me about anything - his estranged wife, his children, anything in his life. Of course I am still grieving the more together relationship and somehow it feel as if it's still there. So there will be times when I feel jealousy etc. I think we can be great friends. And who knows what the future can hold????
I watched a very interesting programme which links somewhat with preparing for my forthcoming OU course. The Brain: A Secret History. Very interesting. What was good for me was that it was almost like a recap and revision. I knew the main psychologists being talked about and their experiments.
I hadn't been aware that Pavlov experimented on children. That was very distressing. Video footage showing children operated on and being subjected to classical conditioning. It's distressing enough seeing the animals being subjected to cruelty but children - humph!! Of course he was working in the late 1800's and early 1900's in Russia. Poverty and orphan children etc were considered useful resources for workhouses as well as experiments. Charles Dickens writes extensively about such atrocities.
I hadn't realised how controversial BF Skinner was - his suggestion to systematically alter choice. He didn't hold much truck with free will and recommended ways in which to improve social misdemeanors. He was very unpopular. I hadn't read about him in that detail before.
Followed closely by William Sargent - intrigued by apparent brainwashing of communists on the American POW's. He used ECT and drugs to induce memory changes and modifying behaviours. One poor woman was sent to him because of a difference of opinion about a boyfriend. Gosh! How beautiful that one day after being released she remembered she had a boyfriend and contacted him. They are together today.
And oooo Robert Heath. Probes into the brain to induce experiences - gosh he used mainly Afro Americans like they were animals for experimenting on. How shocking.
And of course Millgram's experiment to explore what led normal decent citizens to follow the horrific orders during the Holocaust. The programme took us to meet the last remaining survivor of the experiment. Fascinating.
What was also interesting was Millgram's reflection on his own emotional response to asking people to give up their seat. There is an awkwardness I feel when asking for my needs or wants to be met - and at other times there is a feeling of right. Interesting. Worthlessness to high ego. I wonder how distorted this has become beyond a survival matter.
A great philosophical debate.Social Psychology is fascinating. As fascinating I think as Biological Psychology. I think the next course I will do is Social. I will leave the Cognitive to last which apparently by a majority vote is one of the hardest.
Fascinating stuff .. and so many questions aroused.
There is a psychologist studying the mind management of flies. Based in Oxford he makes a lot of assumptions or seemingly so in the documentary. I have questions to clarify what we have been told. I wonder if I should email him or perhaps could raise these questions during this course. I will note them down
One is - How do they know that blue light triggers the chemical injected brain cell to have a bad experience and remember that for the future?
Well enough already. Lunch - some reading and then a walk with AB before a game of Scrabble. And then a meeting this evening. I will attempt to take something positive from the meeting.
Bliss
X
