Chongwe River House Tales

Another place that would have been great to travel to with JH. I hope someday to meet someone who would wish to share adventures with me.

http://www.chongweriverhouse.com/index.php

http://janekeogh.wordpress.com/

Fascinating reading and inspiring too ...



  Giant burrowing cockroach

 Solifugaes

 Mozambique spitting Cobra

 Red and black walking frog

Rather exposed due to the bivouac

Well, discussions with ET and ML today. I felt rather frustrated talking with ET as she seemed to use her examples of herself in direct opposition to things I was saying about me. I know she finds it difficult when I am not feeling so great. She said I think that she expects me to be well all the time, just as she would her family. And in recent weeks I have not been and so she has seemed very angry, at times ignoring me, or very short with me. We had spoken about this some a couple of weeks ago I think it was now. I had commented that I sensed something was wrong and asked if we could talk about it. It took her a while.
I think today was more of the same. She is feeling low and seemed quite impatient with me not being upbeat and full of support.
I think her talking was a way of trying to make me see that I am OK. I don't really know but it felt like I wasn't being heard for me. Then she shifted so perhaps she recognised something. Or maybe I stopped talking or maybe I was less resistnat to what she was suggesting. Anyway something shifted between us and it was OK - not great but OK. I feel quite intolerant of this right now.

I am thinking of allowing my GP to sign me off just as he had suggested. But I feel so guilty and will let down clients..... perhaps I could go back Mon and Tues and then allow him to sign me off??

Well now I think I will stroll off to the woods.3rd walk of the day, 2 short ones and now I fancy a longer one amongst the trees.

Oh the bivouac. ML used that word and talked about it being exposed camping. What she didn't say is that it's a term specifically associated with the military.She makes me smile. She wants so much to improve and develop herself and puts in the effort. She has a word of the day from dictionary.com and attempts to use it. This will certainly assist her creative writing. I am inspired by people who put effort in growth in whichever direction that might follow. And all paths lead to Rome apparently.

Isle of Wight

Home sweet myth

It's better to know the glory and ecstasy of defeat and victory than live forever in the twilight of never having felt either one ... (Theodore Roosevelt)


The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)


I haven't found the context within which these statements were actually being made. And although I have encountered Csikszentmihalyi during my psychology studies I had forgotten his major theory. I have looked it up again though - flow - positive psychology. Depression or anxiety in his view are states that block flow, which is related to happiness.
Clear goal/s
Concentration and focus on goal/s
Distorted sense of time
Balance between ability and challenge
A sense of personal control
Activity is intrisically rewarding
Lack of awareness of bodily needs (can get quite hungry or tired without realising)
Absorption into activity
Apparently not all are needed to achieve flow .....

   Balance!!!!
Intresting actually as somewhere in here I could fit in Vygotsky's theories of Zone of Proximal Development and Scaffolding - i.e the value of good teaching to help cross the pain barriers of too much demand and how this works to increase one's potential. BUt there is also value in Piaget's theories, that people need time to develop alone as well. Self satisfaction. But knowing when to reach out for help is vital, otherwise there is surely a possibility of being too self centred or focused and getting stuck. Each persons ZPD is different. And the interesting thing is why? When most brains are the same size, weight and have similar structures. What is it that will make one persons ZPD vaster than anothers? I love these questions and the theories which still are mainly unproven. I would encourage anyone to be able to go outside of themselves and be humble enough to think that the teacher is always someone else. To remain teachable is humble and gives room for ever growing. I pray that I might be able to take this on board.

I am missing being with RF and the family. I do not feel content with the way things are in my life right now.
Things I want to change - the length of my journey to work, the company I work for or at least the conditions under which I work, loneliness, living location. These things all seem wrong for me right now and bring a gloominess over the things that I really enjoy. Oh and being overweight. Now that contributes to a distraction and also I do not want to go out so much. So being overweight actually reinforces my dislike of myself. And then I don't get out and about as much so augmenting the feeling of isolation and loneliness and dissatisfaction. Vicious cycle when all the components are added in.

What I do like and love and am passionate about
- my studies this year
- my friends
- art
- visits to London
- visits with friends
- LouLou
- writing
- exploring
- information at my finger tips
- films that inspire me in some way or other


Anyway back to Csikszentmihalyi. I somewhat agree with him on different levels. There are some challenges that are so engrossing. Finding out new information and researching certainly completely challenge me but also grab my focus. And I get such a sense of achievement and pleasure, especially if there is a way to share the discoveries and develop the ideas. It's the same with sketching. I can be completely engrossed for as long as it takes to complete it. I am not very patient though at times and tell myself "I can't do it" and then of course I can't. It's funny though - some things I truly love I will persevere and other things I will give up so easily on. I do have this perfectionist streak in me which is dibilitating. I continue to learn how to be acceptant without letting that become a de-motivator. There is a fine balance. And keeping half an eye on it is helpful. I can be very lazy too. An image of sloth comes to mind and how inattractive that is - then I lose self esteem again. Back onto the vicious cycle. My mum used to say I was a 5 minute wander. By that I always took it as a negative view from her. But actually I can look at this differently and see how I can be interested and inspired by so many things. There is a diverse world and I am curious about so much of it. The more I know the ore I realise I don't know and so the more there is to discover and participate and explore. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Csikszentmihalyi once said "Repression is not the way to virtue. When people restrain themselves out of fear, their lives are by necessity diminished. Only through freely chosen discipline can life be enjoyed and still kept within the bounds of reason."  

Ah that terrible phenomena of fear. Fear has it's uses. It's a human emotion and very useful in the right place and time or situation. The difficulty is that the way fear is interpreted through generations can misappropriate fear onto things just beyond our feeling of control.  And yes then it can keep the world and life ecperiences very small. I have bee fortunate to have had a sort of blind courage for many years and therefore have had a wealth of experiences. I do think I took courage using tools that gradually became unhealthy. However, they served a purpose and usefully I think until there were unhealthy consequences. So having removed them to the best of my ability, I now need to rediscover faith and courage more fully. And then I am at at my most most content - experiencing and change and adventure. Now thought I have a growing awareness of feelings. And trying to accommodate the range of feelings whilst embracing courage and faith - well it's a new turn in life. I am more conscious and so the experiences are more emotive? Maybe. Or maybe something else is occurring. Difficult to really know. I do not like a small world though.
I like of course the reference to the bounds of reason - decency, morals, spiritual practices. Now when I write that I wonder if people think spiritual practices simply refer to meditation or routine and structure, or prayer etc. When I write it I do mean principles. Step Three always reminds me that I seek to do things the way God would wish of me and God is within me. When I feel most at one with myself and God is when I behave in line with my principles.
I was thinking about the stealing of stuff off the Internet - films and music. It satisfies my want for things but it sits uncomfortably on my conscience. It is so important to be aware of conscience. BUT I think conscience can create fear as well. I can think too deeply about the impact or effect on others or the world and it will stop me from doing things that are not against my principles. Amazing how it has all become muddled up over the years. And the starting point is the beliefs, principles, etc that were taught in the first years of my life - parents, schools, peers. A big influence that gets stuck there right or wrong. For some they can go off on their journey and change these early lessons for others the lessons are stuck hard and fast and actually influence the choices instead of the influences of life being able to challenge the "rules".
Interesting thoughts - would be interesting to have a discussion about these things. And to remain open to others experiences and musings - stay open to this theory not being finite. But one aspect of being human that is so multi-layered and multi-sided, that there is room for everything and anything. And it is OK. Of course some people are more compatible with other and some people are not.
Brings me back to wanting to be able to share my time with compatible people but to continue to encounter other aspects and perspectives to keep the growth and diversity. I hope to develop this openness.
Openness as opposed to transparency which I also hope to continue to develop.

Right off to study now
Bliss
XX

p.s. with this in mind - sorry to harp on about him, I have learnt from JH and all of the experiences together. And on days when I am not self-obsessed, I can see all positivity from everything and not be blaming at all.
Right now I am unable to put this into words. It will come.

The big bigger biggest TIME WASTER in the world!!!

 

 
Reminds me of Gaudi - is it? I originally thought it was just styled in that way. Now I need to research it, more time away from the world of biological psychology. Actually I am about to embark on counting vesicles. Quite hit and miss and boring. As yet I haven't devised a way or discovered if there is a way of marking the microsope. I will ask the tutor. Sensible solution!!
In the meantime - Nautilus House, Mexico. Apparently a couple and their young children wanted something very different from their conventional house. And they wanted it to be topographical with the location. Good idea - they were surrounded by wooded land, mountains and other houses! hmmm?? It is designed like a shell. I can't see who the designer is/was ....
The company is called Senosiain Arquitectos: Mexico, D.F.


The Crooked House, Poland (Sopot) or

The Krzywy Domek


It was designed by Szotyńscy & Zaleski who were inspired by the fairytale illustrations and drawings of Jan Marcin Szancer and Per Dahlberg
Sadly for me - don't know why but being a part of a shopping centre seems wasteful of the fairytale element. But why not? At least it makes shopping magical for a moment.

Jan Marcin Szancer - Polish illustrator.
   

 

Per Dahlberg - a Swedish painter living in Sopot. He seems to have inspired many fantastical shaped buildings along with Jan.

 

  In this house resided Swedish artist Per Dahlberg and Polish illustrator Marcin Szenser (deceased 1973)
  
So far I have not discovered any of his art work.


Ah ha ...





Strange little creature. These are seasonal of course! I wonder what he is?