Self pity and sorrow
Visualize, show up, happy dance.
Bliss, you can do this.
Dip,
The Universe
Grrrrrrrr I have been FEELING so rageful and destructive this evening. I am not sure when it started but I drove home obsessing about not knowing if my love is truthful with me. It is nothing of course to do with him but my inability this evening to let go. As his slave it's none of my business anyway. I forget that I am his slave as well when I start the obsessing.
The rage in me is burning. Or I am crying, raising black memories from mys childhood.
And then I was remembering when GW beat me black and blue. He was really encouraging me then to take an interest in the SM group he belonged to.
Ah a long long story. The reality was it was damned horrid and I was completely powerless each time and yet of course I kept allowing him back somehow. His beatings were at least attention.
He used my horse riding whip to draw blood and he smacked my pussy so hard!
And then he strangled me. As much as I was terrified I could not fight off the sensations this strangulation brought on. I feel so ashamed saying that as I was not in control at all.
And then of course in my vulnerability he had control of me - I was in total fear of him, yet waiting for his contact to know that I hadn't upset him.
Master and my love has been introducing me to erotic art or pornography . I have for a long time found erotic art very tantalising on many levels. This evening we were looking at Morey. Wow his work is so enticing and /my love/Masters knowledge of art brings it even more to life than my own attraction to the images.
Mainly I envisage myself in the place of these women.
This slaves stillness captured me. The way she looks down, demure and very humble. I imagine she has been told to avert her eyes. Her stunning shape sculpted by her bondage.
God I am aroused now - sexualising the rage I have been feeling - at last a release!
Nothing else to write today. Too much buzzing around my head. I am sure it would be better to write but instead am going to lie down and sense my arousal. I cannot touch myself without permission from Master (my love). Oh my God I want to - then he will be disappointed but since I have been so destructive and bolshy this evening with him and now he will be sleeping, I do not think I have the courage to ask him.
ooooooooooooo I so want to touch myself - sitting here wriggling with the arousal.
Damn
Bliss!
Visualize, show up, happy dance.
Bliss, you can do this.
Dip,
The Universe
Grrrrrrrr I have been FEELING so rageful and destructive this evening. I am not sure when it started but I drove home obsessing about not knowing if my love is truthful with me. It is nothing of course to do with him but my inability this evening to let go. As his slave it's none of my business anyway. I forget that I am his slave as well when I start the obsessing.
The rage in me is burning. Or I am crying, raising black memories from mys childhood.
And then I was remembering when GW beat me black and blue. He was really encouraging me then to take an interest in the SM group he belonged to.
Ah a long long story. The reality was it was damned horrid and I was completely powerless each time and yet of course I kept allowing him back somehow. His beatings were at least attention.
He used my horse riding whip to draw blood and he smacked my pussy so hard!
And then he strangled me. As much as I was terrified I could not fight off the sensations this strangulation brought on. I feel so ashamed saying that as I was not in control at all.
And then of course in my vulnerability he had control of me - I was in total fear of him, yet waiting for his contact to know that I hadn't upset him.
Master and my love has been introducing me to erotic art or pornography . I have for a long time found erotic art very tantalising on many levels. This evening we were looking at Morey. Wow his work is so enticing and /my love/Masters knowledge of art brings it even more to life than my own attraction to the images.
Mainly I envisage myself in the place of these women.
This slaves stillness captured me. The way she looks down, demure and very humble. I imagine she has been told to avert her eyes. Her stunning shape sculpted by her bondage.
God I am aroused now - sexualising the rage I have been feeling - at last a release!
Nothing else to write today. Too much buzzing around my head. I am sure it would be better to write but instead am going to lie down and sense my arousal. I cannot touch myself without permission from Master (my love). Oh my God I want to - then he will be disappointed but since I have been so destructive and bolshy this evening with him and now he will be sleeping, I do not think I have the courage to ask him.
ooooooooooooo I so want to touch myself - sitting here wriggling with the arousal.
Damn
Bliss!
