Journeying into slavery

"When love beckons to you, follow him. Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden amongst his opinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you, believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden." Kahil Gibran

Mmmmm - somehow this seems relevant in the submission I feel in my role with my Master. It is in direct controversy with my controlling self.

To yield - I know this is empowering. I feel empowered when I yield. It gives me security in myself and I gain that from my role.

That may make no sense at all to anyone reading this unless you already know that I am my Masters slave. Yet within this relationship I have fallen in love and he loves me so there is at times perhaps a confusion in how to be both. I guess this is more learning. How to continue to be my Masters slave whilst also both loving one and other.

When I think of him I can feel him through my body. It starts at root or base chakra and then into the second chakra and then into the solar plexus. The heart chakra feels plentiful.

I think in April I became my Master's slave. I am writing this now so as not to lose the clarity as it fades fast.

I encountered my Master whilst I was already a slave to Senor. My Master seemed well masterly and I felt compelled to speak with him. And just after a few conversations and also yielding willingly to his sexual attention, I asked if he would like me to sit at his feet as his slave for him to see if he liked the role. From there very quickly I was asking Senor if he would loan me ... He agreed first to 4 days and then when this seemed not to be fit in with Master's plans, Senor loaned me for 2 weeks. My Master was then away for the weekend yet managed to make some contact and tell me his requirements. On his return, I sat at his feet a lot and we mainly talked and I met his requirements. I quickly felt my adoration growing and became more willing to meet his requirements.

I am unclear of the order of things and how they escalated but I revealed myself to my Master in different ways - in writing, in photographs and eventually through Skype.

I suppose it is necessary to explain that I had already been captured by Senor maybe a month or two prior to meeting my Master. Quite innocently I was invited by Senor to meet with him, and I accepted his offer. I had met him in passing some days maybe a month earlier.

As I met with him he told me to get on my knees. Fascinated, I did as I was told. After a few days of meeting under such strange circumstances, with no chatting, merely being told his requirements of me, I entered into being his slave willingly.

Senor required me to read the 128 slave rules which I had to find. And then to write the rules that I agreed with or those I found difficult and why. I actually discovered two versions to begin with. I could see how easily I would be able to comply and started to become aware of the pleasure I found in being submissive to Senor.

At first he did not collar me. He did not think it necessary. But as he realised I did not yield to all of his requirements he decided to collar me.

I discovered that I felt safe as slave to Senor. He was not available very often and so required me to undertake my own teaching - this involved sexual acts as well as practicing being submissive with others.

It was through "others" that I met my now Master. In being submissive, I was lent to a learning Dom who was interested in making me do things without consideration and humiliating me. He had taken me to a place where I was required to have sex with a French woman. At this point I was aware of a man sitting quietly observing the scene. I felt some kind of connection with him just knowing he was watching. When he spoke it was very calm and non judgemental. The French girl being satisfied left commenting only that it was good and poufff she was gone.

My Master offered me friendship. .... the rest is history as they say.

Oh except that as the end of the 2 weeks approached I explained to my Master that I really wanted to stay with him. I did feel though a great deal of emotional discomfort knowing that I was being disloyal in this way to Senor. It is surprising really how entirely the role as a slave has penetrated through me. And so negotiations commenced with me as the messenger between Senor and my Master. It was so strange. Eventually Senor agreed to give me away to my Master. He did not want money. He did try to take me back as my Master cleverly predicted but my Master had already been prepared and so stopped the possibility.

I really know that it has value for me as a person.....

Senor had taught me that there could be no bad feelings for any reason. If I so much as mentioned a bad feeling, he would remind me that it was not permitted and then would change the situation with immediate effect. Unless of course I could change the feeling myself. If I felt bad enough that I had caused him inconvenience, I was of course able to alter my feeling.

I can see how this serves a valuable purpose.

I also see how easy I developed a devotion and love for Senor to begin with but more wholesomely with my Master. He takes care of me and is loving in every decision he makes for me. In return I have developed love and respect.

Mainly with sexual requirements - I am to be available at all times and when I remind myself f this or am reminded I am instantly aroused anyway. The arousal has developed through a sort of conditioning I think. This I will not go into detail about but suffice to say I undertake the requirements of me, which become an arousal. The simply to be reminded I am open and available. My Master is masterful at ensuring I am very satisfied when taking my availability to him. And so I feel even more conditioned and my willingness to be available is complete.

Where I am today?
Well I love to be my Master's slave. We are however, more than slave and Master. I know at all times I am my Master's slave but I forget as I am learning. My own everyday insecurities and inadequacies for example have been triggered as a result of how my Master is. And forgetting my position as well as us negotiating how we are in our relationship has resulted in me forgetting how to be. Negotiating, disagreeing etc.
I have had bed feelings. Thankfully my Master is patient and tolerant with me and probably because he also loves me.
I am very thankful to my Master for the way he is with me whilst he is teaching me to be his slave.

Of course this is only one element of me so I hope to try and gain some clarity about all of this as I continue to write to you here.
Bliss
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