Letter to Norway

I am well. I have made a good start now to my essay. Just getting ideas onto paper before then redrafting hopefully tonight and tomorrow to then send it off by latest midnight. Really it needs to be in by midday. Realised YET AGAIN how much angst I get into when it's essay tiem and how this angst distorts my views on everything. I get frustrated and I seem to have to place it somewhere and this time it was FA and recovery generally that seemed to get the anger from me. Thankfully I didn't relapse and managed to keep the basics going.
I am feelling pressured by my sponsor to get to meetings but it's me that feels pressured because I am making a choice currently to keep my time for studying. I known what she says I would say though - meetings are vitally important and without them recovery slips and without recovery I'm in the food and crazy! What  realise is that she is not pressurising me at all, she is merely suggesting even though it sounds like it's what she wants me to do. Therefore, I know its me that feels pressurised for not doing what would make her happy with me. Glad to take responsibility for myself and if she doesn't want to sponsor me or gets cross or frustrated with me that's for her to feel and deal with. She can tell me but she doesn't. Yes happy to see this.
I have not yet established what this means to me in terms of study versus meetings, as my studying is important. It's cost a lot of money and a big investment of time and to be honest blood sweat tears too. So I'm unsure at this time how best to manage it. I am making a choice right now and therfore can expect my recovery to be a bit nore shaky. However, I do the basics with God in my life and hold firm that there is always a way through so long as I DO NOT pick up food. I got into and out of a relationship without relapsing and learnt masses from it despite being warned that it was potential for relapse and craziness. There were crazy times and close calls but I got through it and stronger as a result.
So I must take responsibility for the risks I put my under - today I feel stronger again and thank God for giving me that strength and carrying me through recent days of what seemed like turmoil and close calls! Thank you God for keeping me abstinent. I am truly grateful

Bliss
XX

Destiny

I would like to share something a tad peculiar but think you'll  understand. It relates to hearing that someone in the rooms, a man I've been really fond of in the meetings, (not in any other way than adoring him for being funny and really quirky and lovely), anyway he died early yesterday morning, It was expected, he had Cancer. The Cancer escalated all very quickly though. I knew he hadn't been expected to live long when someone has been kindly keeping me informed over the past few weeks. This morning I knew he hadn't arrived yet. I felt he is hanging around a bit. I thought that about my dad - not that he was hanging around. I don't think he did that but he hadn't arrived for quite some time. I don't even know where the point of arrival is or what it is. I was telling this man this morning that he is free and needs to go. But he is struggling to let go. I know I sound bonkers. It's like the colours I see. I don't tell anyone any more because it's all in the mind. Odd thing is I sense my dad has been close the last couple of days. My mum pops in and out. I think it's all ways of me reconciling things when I think about it logically.

When you understand, Bliss, that what most people really, really want is simply to feel good about themselves, and when you realize that with just a few well-chosen words you can help virtually anyone on the planet instantly achieve this, you begin to realize just how simple life is, how powerful you are, and that love is the key. 

Fly little bird, 
    The Universe