Appealing. Look at the two pictures individually. Each of them has it's own appeal.
The blue body grabs me. The reflection in a partial state. Somehow her gaze is captured in the reflection. It's less about her body and more about her looking at me/us.
Whereas the blue accentuates her shape and breasts and bones and her thigh. The pose - grandiose. Purpose pose of course.
Anyway I am attracted to the photo. For looking at. And being looked at - something eerie in her looking.
Master woke me around 6 am
I am still moaning - still hurting, still breathless, and even more detached from the human race and emotions.
I don;t like being detached. For one it makes my job very difficult indeed. Keeping track of what is going on within the groups, listening to my emotional response to matters shared - nada!!
I ache - on the inside I ache. I am breathless. I am tired, extremely tired. Aaaaaaargh. And it's so boring - you have got to admit it's boring to read too.
My sleep is disturbed too. Oh yes I wake up several times and even when I am sleeping I am not certain it is restful sleep. Well I can;t undertand why I am so damned tired otherwise. I am getting more hours sleep but just tired all day and very very reluctant to wake up and get up in the monrings. Everything is double the effort.
Grr grr grr.
Uhm I realised this morning that my slip into SL was so far from OK. Walking the walk rather than just talking the talk. I have been giving myself a real hard time. I didn;t like being asked how it would be if Master had done the same thing. The truth is I would have felt disappointed too. I did when he said that he was maintaingin his land etc. I really do believe that if deciding to abstain for a while then that's what it means.
So yes I know I already had been disappointed. I did not 3ant the decision to remain out of SL to be for me and I am not sure that that wasn't the reason for Master as he seemed to wish to keep everything going and visit for the purposes of his land.
However, for me I wanted to have some time focusing on our relationship without the influences of SL. And this remains true for me. It was amazing how the pull started when I was reading about S's new adventures. I wanted to be a part of it with her for just a while and introduce her to PR. It;s such an escape too. When I was undoubtedly feeling emotions following meeting with my dad and the money gift etc. I had been terrified about meeting him following the phone call of the evening before - keeping boundaries and feeling angry and standing for my beliefs about his behaviour. And then the restlessness - well SL potentially could take me away from all of that. BUT it didn't. In fact seeing Y just made it sem dull. People day in and day out doing the same things in there. Not engaging in some ways with RL
I am surprised at how strongly that affected me. So again I wish to stay away for the time being.
What Master does is really really up to him now. I think I was attempting to impose my wishes. But he had said that he had been going to suggest the same thing. So I now wonder why he was going to suggest that and then himself changing the boundaries of that.
I do feel insecure about Master being in SL. Wondering what his motives actually are.
I do practice trust though more and more. This brings a greater view of freedom for me.
Please Universe can I hang on to this please.
M y thoughts are not so clear. I should stop trying to see things because I am so flipping well detached. I am not sound of mind I am sure.
I have a headache - again!
As for interesting stuff happening today - not much. At wor we are busy. Nothing new.
Oh god! I have the treasury money from one of the meetings. I have had it for about 9 10 months. It's a lot of miney.
I keopt meaning to drop it off as I haven'
t been able to get to the meeting. Ugh! I even borrowed some thing out of it. Well it's all up to date and finally I am going to drop it off tomorrow.
I have felt so ashamed and embarrassed.
I haven't even told anyone - until now. Of course I realise that it's these kind of things that I don't even realise I am holding onto - emotional stress that just adds a little at a time.
I am relieved I have finally made arrangements to meet up with one of the meeting regulars. She says noone attending there is aware so that relieves some of the shame. 2 of them know though. And I never have had the intention to run off with it!!!!!!!!
Ugh it feels ugly in me still
well I am tired
Bliss
X
