Opportunism watching

For every setback, disappointment and heartbreak, Bliss, ask yourself, "What does this create the opportunity for?"
And therein you will find its gift.
Everything has a reason,
    The Universe

I liked this when I received it this morning. It's similar to what is said in the rooms that every situation is a growing opportunity and to be grateful for situations that bring growth. An AFGO I once heard it described as - another flipping growing opportunity.
Life is an opportunity to learn and grow. Every day brings new things. It's odd though because I realise that every situation is overseen through a particular perspective and depending on which perspective at any one time determines the lessons and the growth. I cannot think of an example.
But I guess I can see that the growth through the situation at work has been evolving. With every situation there is a new perspective brought in which in turn creates a new view. And so on.
Nothing works in isolation of people, environment, past experiences, current experiences, others input and influences, time of day, mental state and so on.

What have I learnt recently. Blimey! Every day brings new realisations. Just yesterday was such an interesting day of realisations for me. I was feeling very slouchy after getting to sleep very late the night before. Well actually the early morning. Tiredness affects me greatly. I feel hungry when I'm tired. I guess that's the body craving fuel to energise what is depleted through lack of sleep. Talking of which I will be going to bed very shortly. I plan to be in bed by latest 22:00. It will be later than that on Tuesday because I'm covering Aftercare and on Wednesday I'll be at my meeting, so another later than 22:00 night. I allowed myself the slouchy day. It was made easier to do that because I knew I had the extra day off on Monday (today).
I went shopping with A and G. I spent money I do not have.
I realised this morning that I'm feeling very anxious. A general anxiety but I think that some of it was guilt. Guilt that I have not done anything about administrative things, such as sorting out my car insurance. So this morning I took some action and it relieves the guilt but of course the reason for procrastination in the first place is fear. What am I afraid of? I'm afraid of learning about high costs which will happen unless I do some research. I'm afraid of making a mistake as I did before and this costing me more money (that I do not have). Having to deal with such things feels me with dread and then I avoid. I avoid all sorts of things. I avoided sending the email to KB at Southampton in case I made a mistake or was suggesting an offer that would be rejected or worse still was I making a mistake in wanting to go there??
I avoid filling in forms - laziness? Probably but also I find them hard work and complicated. I want the end result to be in my favour and form filling can be the loose link to achieving that. I want it to be right so they make that decision. I need to trust.
I procrastinate over essay for fear of getting it wrong and sometimes it's just not knowing what to write.
Fear and laziness combined are just a lethal cocktail for developing guilt and shame.
So I was pleased to get out the car insurance paperwork and make my first call. I also completed the paperwork for EHDC and delivered that. I then banked the cheque, the glorious cheque from H.M. ta office. This makes it possible to buy a few clothes and pay for the therapy workshop with SC. There may be some left to pay for a car service as well. I doubt I'll cover the cost of a washing machine by the time overdraft charges are paid.
Oh and I also paid the instalment for my mobile. I'm well and truly fed up with their rising costs and my unmanageable phone usage. This is a little manic I think. However I have messed up with the call to the US for the AWOL. That was a costly mistake.
I hope Vodafone will negotiate with me otherwise I will truly have to consider going elsewhere. They have suddenly and without warning removed the unlimited texting facility. Plus I'm gong over my minutes on a regular basis. Which is costing me a lot. I need to use my land line more often when I'm home - evenings and weekends. Plus for overseas I have paid a little extra. The problem is I'm rarely home in the evenings.
Already with Aftercare, a meeting on Wed and Fri and probably meeting AM on Thurs, I have no evenings at home. Relaxation time is at a premium for me.
Hence earlier nights are truly essential.

So I am grateful this morning for a texting conversation (free via Viber) that I identified the feeling of guilt because I haven't done some things. Now this is the mental illness. Continuing not to do things because of fear but all the time the not doing makes matters so much worse. The vicious cycle of addiction even though the addiction is removed. The mental illness is still at large.
I liked this Key - the threefold illness - and all the sharing. I will at some point write more about this.
Until another posting - good night

Bliss
XX

Black Pond and I AM

I give this 4/5. It's filmed in a documentary style at times. Then almost as a voyeur on different characters. Interesting. It's such a curious little story. And almost believable, sad, funny, peculiar.

The acting is outstanding in my opinion. And such a believable little story in it's peculiarity. There was a moment that I could have believed it was actually a recounting of a true story. Except I recognised Simon Amstell even though I couldn't think where I knew him from. And also the characters were at times so eccentric so as to be almost cartoon. However, sometimes the weirdest of tings can turn out to be the most realistic.

It was amusing and yet tragic. Each character had real appeal. The poster says haunting. Yes there was a sense of noooooooo, don't do it. I also asked myself the question "did they do it? Did Blake kill their dog? Did Blake kill his wife? Is he mentally unstable to the point of psychopathology?

It's really worth watching in my opinion. Intriguing.

John Clare is not a poet I am familiar with. But then again I am not familiar with many poets. He is quoted several times by Sophie Thompson who is herself a poet. She gave up writing poetry when she got married. There are some odd little conversations and recitals around this matter.

There are many little sub stories that take place, meaning that we get to know more and more about this family through these little and obvious sub-texts. It's as if we a re diverted off for brief moments with each of the main characters. Whilst we are also getting a glimpse into current life for the daughters and their flatmate Tim. I liked the way everything unfolds and there are these pockets of sub story. It was done in such a way that there was the continuing thread of the story but with all these very separate pockets of individuals or couples or even the three-legged dog, Boy, himself.

Directors - Tom Kingsley and Will Sharpe

Cast

Chris Langham

 

Simon Amstell

Amanda Hadingue

 

 

I Am

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

John Clare