Just sayin' -
The Universe
The tendency to settle upon a cursed how, Bliss, as a means to achieve a particular goal, is simply a sign that you've momentarily forgotten how unlimited, creative, and powerful I am, and that I tirelessly conspire on your behalf when you leave me every option.
Let me loose,
The Universe
If you knew what I now know, Bliss, you wouldn't be in such a hurry.
Not just because you have countless worlds to look forward to, but because the world you're now on was once one of them.
Tallyho,
The Universe
Bliss, do you know why I am always there?
Because I want you to have all of those things you've told me about, and so much more.
Let's kick some "butt,"
The Universe
I told you, Bliss, there'd be days, even weeks, like this...
Absolutely perfect in every single way, with all things as they should be, where they should be, enfolding you in love.
I just didn't tell you they'd all be like this, Bliss, because some things you just have to experience to believe.
Whoop!
The Universe
Warning! May Contain Nuts. John Porter I think his name is put ona show in Brighton. A poetry event as a result of working within the field of mental health. M was reading some of her poems. I am so pleased for her. For doing it. Getting up on stage to a full house and performig her poems. She did well. I met as well a person she had met called V. She wants to work with women and children trying to prevent them slipping into a lfestyle that I was looking with P to provide a living environment now they were recovering from the lifestyle that had been crippling them.
I liked our idea and at one point it nearly was more than an idea. Called Sankofa - it was potentially a sanctuary. We even had an accountant look at the starts of our business plan.
I do not want that idea to fade away. I cannot use the name Sankofa as that is P's although I love it. An African word and with a symbol too - it was perfect.
The Sankofa bird reaches back to reclaim what is rightfully hers - what a perfect sentiment for the project we were creating.
A living unit for women abd the chance to be reunited witht heir children. Living within a comunity environment with facilities to engage with vocational training and and an onsite daily therapy.
The therapy to include all sorts of creative opportunities.
I have a strong image of this. V said she would introduce me to a woman she is speaking to in her own attempts to get her ideas coming to life. So who knows if I start talking about it again Sankofa will cone back to life.
Oops I need to go off and get ready for work.
When talking with Master (my love JH) on an abstract level, I can see how possible it would be for him to have a number of different women. He likes women. The thing is I wish to be the only one as his lover. As his slave I have no choice but would also of course prefer to be the only one.
What is this about? This need to be the only one. I think if I were Master I would teach me how to let go of this need of contol by putting in the position. Yuch!
Somewhat I am trying to learn from the actual situation. My love and Master maintains his friendship with his ex girlfriend. I have to learn how to manage my feelings. When I really look into them I am not sure if it is jealousy. I wouldn;t know how to really determine what jealousy actually is. What I feel is fear of loss. Fear that Master will leave me for someone better. That actually I am not really good enough or enough for him and so actually he is on the look out for another. Then he will abandon me.
What I am trying to explore is that I am enough simply as me. But that I am not ALL. And that like I would have several friends all with differnt qualities then perhaps Master wishes to have several slaves. of course what I would oike is to learn tobe a very good slave. I would like to learn how to be very sensual and sexual to be able to please Master. And to behave exactly as Master would wish and anticipate his desires. In this way he would be pleasantly surprised and therefore pleased with my forethought and attentiveness towards him. This require my selflessness. But I also want to maintain my individuality so that I remain interesting and growing in my uniqueness.
I truly wish to learn to let go of this need to be the only one and therefore Master would have the space that he has told me he needs.
In an abstract way I do find the concept of being one of many interestingly arousing. But what I picture is that we should be together and there to be a relationship between all of us and Master encouraging us to share our knowledge and improve each other. I imagine thought the downside would be secrecy and hierarchy and competition. A good Master would surely be able to manage this. I would like to be selfless and be able to teach well anythng I have to bring to the Masters other slaves or women. And be taught by Master how to be above jealousy and possessiveness.
Of course there is also my arousal of the intimacy between us slaves all being together. Comfort for each other too.
So perhaps in this M/s relationship that is also lovers and the way in which my lover is with women is somehwat towards this learning. I am insecure. And I dislike this. Furthermore I have an imagination that can take a seed of information and turn that into a novel. Then there is my intuition. I believe more and more that I am very astute to my surroundings and the people in it. Of course I do not for a minute claim to know what is actually going on but I am very aware of changes in mood and the very slightest differences in behaviours or attitudes. And this is real - I know it! What I don;t know is what is behind the change and ask questions. Sometimes when I get answers it raises more questions as there seems to be missing information and links. Of course in my job it is actually my job to keep exploring to fcilitate increased self awareness.
In my relationship as lover it is not and my questions then are about understanding for myself. But I think I am then too nosy. This monring with Master, my love we mentioned questioning. I agree with Master that there is a differnce. When there is questioning with an agenda (quest, inquisition, intrigue) - then this is not good in a relationship. I do think questioning to get to understand properly is communication - curiosity and interest.
The more I understand Master the better I can please him. But if I question to try and find things out about him somehow that is different and also not open. Suspicion.
Mmm
I have more to write but need to get ready for work
I will continue
Bliss
