My Father

My dad recently said he was proud of me. This was related to my studying. I don't ever recall my dad saying such a thing before. I has meant such a lot. It's all I have ever wanted to hear from him really. So I felt relieved and happy and worthwhile for a moment. Then also so so sad. Sad because it's just once. I have been waiting and waiting and now it;s here it really doesn't matter. It can never make up for the distance between us. It's not that it's too late. No,no, it's never too late. It's just so little dropped into the massive void. It drops in and echoes in the silence of nothing else there. It shows up the size of the gaping.black void.

When I watched Gideon's Daughter and this film showed the other extreme, the father's deep obsessive love for his daughter it just made me sad. My dad only ever wanted to control me when I was little and when he could no longer retain that control he abandoned me. Phew the hurt.

obsessive love - Papa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLsIs8dVyK8

NATASHA'S SONG


Sung by Emily Blunt



I see you from my window

Walking with her there

I don't have to know which number

I won't stop you touch her hair

I don't need to see you waving

When you slip away at night

I don't have to know what happened

As you crawl back when it's light



I don't need you to look at me

And tell me how many hundreds there have been

I don't want to have to listen

As they fall a constant stream

I don't need to catch you with them

Your voice so full of joy

As you murmur your little nothings

My own Papa so very coy



Mon cherie Papa

Mon cherie Papa



I don't need you to say I love you

I don't need you to say goodnight

I don't need you to caress me

I don't need to be held tight

I only want you to be ready

To know my voice will never ring

To know there'll never be another letter

You've got to hear this one small thing



I need you to remember

That I never was your shame

I always was your daughter

I never did complain

I always was your daughter

I never did complain

Values continued

How can you recognise your own values?


How do you decide when to make a stand, or what is important to you?

People develop values as they grow up and mature. They are influenced by their circumstances and by the people around them. As a result values can be very personal and unique to each individual. The most significant influences in developing values are:

 your family

 your education

 your religious (or not) upbringing

 your friends and peer group, and

 the media.

Because your values are so personal and part of your make up, you may not always recognise them. One way of identifying them is when you are faced with difficult choices. In order to make decisions you are likely to refer back to your values in order to discover what is important to you. For example, if you had a special family outing planned and your boss asked you to work on a rush order at the last minute, you may have to decide if you value your family time more or less than pleasing your boss. Obviously the circumstances around such events play an important part in the decision making, but alongside your own values.

Activity


Look at the different sets of circumstances in the examples below. In each case a decision has to be made which challenges the values of the individuals involved. If you are working in a group, discuss the different values involved and how they may affect the possible outcomes.

1. Sarah’s daughter is pregnant and wants to have an abortion. She feels that she is too young to have a baby and there are lots of things she wants to do before having a family. Sarah has always been strongly opposed to abortion and values human life. She loves her daughter and has always tried to support her.

2. John’s employers want to make some changes at work in an attempt to improve company productivity and profits. These changes will reduce John’s overtime payments and meal breaks. John feels that this time his employers have gone too far and he would like to challenge their proposals, even if it means strike action. However, not all of his colleagues agree and feel that it is best not to rock the boat because at least they still have jobs and these measures might save the company.

3. It’s a General Election year and the candidates are canvassing for your vote. How do you decide who to vote for? Which candidates share your values and offer policies that you agree with?

4. Paul’s sister has announced that she is going to marry someone from a different nationality/ religion. How might this affect Paul’s values and how might they differ from those of his sister?

5. A supermarket chain wants to build a new store in a public park in the centre of town. It has offered the local authority a good price for the land. Andy feels that the park is an important public facility and well used by many people, but some of his neighbours like the idea of having a big new supermarket in the town. What does Andy value about the town? What do his neighbours value?

How did you react to these situations?
Did everyone in your group agree? If not, why not?
What do your responses say about you?
Who do you know who shares your values?

Values inform boundaries inform attitude, behaviours, beliefs and esteem

James Ensor - JH introduced me to this artist following me attempting to find Le Doleur. And JH explained realism to me. Fascinating  art history is fascinating. The changes of the preferences throughout the centuries - trends and exploration of humans developing - evolving. What was once enchanting or interesting becomes less so with normalising and then our human brains want more. Evolution - reflecting our reflections. More more more. Exciting, dynamic, endless creation. What next?
But Ensor was not a realist painter surely? His influence JH told me was from masks. Like Ensor I find masks sinster and the smiles insincere. What is really behind the smile, the mask. A place for soemthing unknown to hide. I never did lke clowns, finding them frightening.








So back to the boundaries lessons from yesterday.

Values inform boundaries. And out values are learnt usually in early years. We learn our values from parents. siblings (family essentially). So if our values are in anyway distorted by family dysfunction, then our boundaries will also be distorted.
So for example when I was a child I lost the back door key. My dad went berserk. He cursed me and told me I was irresponsible and useless. I was 7 or 8 max. I was responsible enough for my parents to expect me to let myself in and look after myself until they got home, so was given the key but lost it when I went out to play.  So it was a very confusing message. In fact they should not have been leaving me alone. All the priorities were mixed up. So I was taught the message that I was irresponsible and not taught how to be responsible. Just that if I did things wrong I would make my dad mad at me. So the value I learnt was to be perfect and not upset my dad. It was not OK to lose anything and that I was not a responsible person. No recognition for what I did do either.
So my boundaries were informed by that. Anyone was to tell me off if I didn't get it perfectly right. So therefore it would be better to try and cover up any mistakes so as not to be told off because they would also see how much of a useless person I actually was. No boundaries - barriers - HIDE HIDE HIDE in case anyone sees the real me and I am useless.
I am rambling on to try and make my point. My dad's value - I have no idea. Everything ha to be absolutely smooth all of the time. And other people were not to know what on behind our doors - so secretive was the value not openness and accoutability. This sort of things were rules that I learnt and informed my values and barriers.
Also I was told I was not clever and I was useless at art and that getting a career really mattered and that to be playful was not good and I was lazy for not liking gardening and instead preferred to be inside reading or something. Anything I did was not valued. I loved horses and riding but had to be the best and even that was driven out of me in the end. I still love horses but rarely ride anymore. When I do I just like to be with the horse and not have to be the best.
Althouth Clive Turner told me I have a very natural seat. I was so proud of that even to this day. I was a natural at something but did not want to be any great competitor or antyhing. I just wanted to be with the horses.
Values of mine though were not those of my parents or then even the teachers. And do I learnt I was wrong. My own self worth being eroded away at.
Get the picture so far ... surely more to write on this.

Here is something I read that I adopt as a value to me - One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.


http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Emile_Friant_La_Douleur_1898.jpg



le doleur - emile fraint

Of course you don't know "how."
It's OK that you don't know "how."
To be honest, Bliss, you're not really supposed to know "how," because it's when you don't know that you're pressed hardest to learn that I do; to see that the hows are my domain and that your job is only to define the end result and get busy.
All so that you might quicker learn of how things really work, as you suddenly find the path that you sought lies beneath your skipping feet.
Double Dutch -
The Universe
 
 
ML's poem
MacKenzie’s goodbye

Since I was a little boy
Unusual is what they said
I always wanted to destroy
Calm and peaceful in my bed
I grew in to a comic killjoy
Decided I’d be better off dead
Ending it - is best for this little boy


Need to try and get out of this village now ..... snowed in. But need to get to work and will have to stay there for next couple of nights - do not want to get stranded on these country roads. It was frightening last year.

I want to tell you about Il y longtemps que je t'aime. A very lovely emotive film with a lot of strong messages throughout.
I like the Iranian doctor saying "war is weak, they remain in here always", as he patted his heart and talked about people he had long lost. Their memory and the love never goes. And how in the Little Prince he dies but leaves the memory of his laughter whenever the pilot looks to the starts.
I cried when I read that and smiled at the same time. I miss my mum every day. And just recently I thought I would just call her and tell her something only to remember I couldn't. So I then told her anyway as I was driving along. I could see her very clearly about to tell me her opinion on the matter. HA!

Right got to at least try and get out of this village.

Bliss
XX

iPod Shuffle Game

I recently read about this new game - wow how life spins around development and development spins around life - one reflects the other as people reflect each other. We should never forget this as then no one is to blame, we all have our part .......


Put your iTunes collection on shuffle, and write down the first line of the first twenty songs. Post the poem that results. The first line of the twenty-first is the title.

Of course this assumes you have all the time in the world.