I've finally arrived in La Herra Dura. With much gratitude to the generosity of RF having bought my ticket from the UK and RF generously hosting my stay. I feel embarrassed at being so cheap and broke permanently. At the same time I feel incredibly loved and lucky that this family embrace me into their home and life. It's extraordinary. This is the reason that when I have anything I try to share as best I can. I'll never be rich I guess as a result. which is different for these people.They have incomes that can sustain them.
It's warm but not as warm as I'd hoped for. In fact I've been in a jumper all day and still feeling cold. It's warm when in the sun.
I felt such an achievement for my recovery on the flight over. I had my supper in my food box, in my bag. The crew had insisted I put the bag in the over head locker for take off. At this point, already anxious about sitting eating my own food between the aisle resident and the window resident. I really decided at the point my bag was taken that I would forego my meal. And then I slept - through take off and for about an hour or more I think.I woke up several times of course as my head rocked and rolled, semi-conscious of not ending up on the shoulder of my male neighbour busily watching his iPad film.
I'm tending to think that I didn't nod off on his shoulder and I think it's more worry than certainty.
Anyway, I sat there and really thought about the need to put my recovery first, beyond my emotional reaction to the situation, i.e. feeling awkward as a result of being stuck in the middle and not wanting to disturb co-travellers and surly crew. Not to mention the awkwardness of sitting eating alone from out of a plastic box and it's so much food as well. And it was full of broccoli so I did warn them that it might smell slightly. So despite my embarrassment I ate my meal. I feel so pleased I can overcome these insecurities - worrying about what other people will think putting them before my needs. I reminded myself that if I was diabetic it would not even be considered an issue. So using this I just overcame my anxiety and ate. It was nice to eat myself back into recovery.
I made my phone call this morning to B, my sponsor. R came into the room and I started to scoot out but R left the room again. I hadn't been able to confirm with R what we would be eating today but instinctively had written the quantities down even though I didn't yet know the actual foods. I sent a text later with the details. Prawns and salad and beans for lunch. Tuna, spinach and salad for supper. I weighed and measured my lunch but it was very late as there were other guests arriving. It was all as usual quite spontaneous. Tomorrow I will say that I will eat separately and simply join them for the good company. R will understand. But I say with a smile that R (dad) was alarmed at the lack of garlic and not being able to have avocado or anything other than what was on my plate or second helpings. He thinks this is a very odd kind of diet. For 10 years now he has had a minimum of 5 cloves of garlic each day. I felt a little irritated by the lack of structure. But I kept my calm, ate ate the first opportunity. L was just very acceptant and that's how she always is. Whether she has an opinion or not is difficult to gauge.
The guests were a right old mix S was English, passing by over 4 moths or so from Australia. quite brash. R commented on how nice S was. Interesting as I was thinking about being that coarse when I was drinking. She referred to alcohol and men a lot. L had made a comment earlier about her being rough. L was into her food and S from Norway I thought was quite flirtatious. However, there was a way about her that like T and it's just a confident friendliness with no actual desire to follow through a flirt. Perhaps there is a conditioning from me about their attitude. I liked S for her chattiness and friendliness.
I noticed how chatty i was too. I introduced myself and asked questions showing interest in everyone at the table. J is such a gently natured lady and her new husband was pleasant enough. They leave for home tomorrow. C and her husband didn't hang about for lunch.
It's lovely to be back amongst the F's. They are easy going, bohemian and loving. R would like me to get a job here and stay. It's tempting but I wouldn't leave LouLou and I'm certain she would struggle with the heat in the Summer months. Plus what work could I do that would pay me enough to be able to get home regularly as well. R was wondering if I would be interested in managing their health centre in Kingston. If the salary was above £30k it might be interesting. There would be a chance to utilise rooms for 1:1's but it would be getting the referrals that would need some dedicated work on.
Would £30 though really cover the extra travelling I'd need to do? And it wouldn't make up for the lost 1:1's.
I feel incredibly tired. I think the events of the last weeks really has taken it's toll on me. I'm too tired to focus on my studies. And that's very worrying indeed. The cut off date for this assignment is next Tuesday. I haven't even finished the reading and I'm really not understanding the conditions of the experiment. I need to really concentrate on the reading first. I'm not sure If I've done the stats correctly but at least I've had a start at it.
I will read a little more this evening. The problem is I'm switching from one thing to another rather than reading all the way through the book, then the journal papers. There is an order to this. So why don't I follow that tomorrow.
Tonight after dinner I will read the book.
Bliss
X
It's warm but not as warm as I'd hoped for. In fact I've been in a jumper all day and still feeling cold. It's warm when in the sun.
I felt such an achievement for my recovery on the flight over. I had my supper in my food box, in my bag. The crew had insisted I put the bag in the over head locker for take off. At this point, already anxious about sitting eating my own food between the aisle resident and the window resident. I really decided at the point my bag was taken that I would forego my meal. And then I slept - through take off and for about an hour or more I think.I woke up several times of course as my head rocked and rolled, semi-conscious of not ending up on the shoulder of my male neighbour busily watching his iPad film.
I'm tending to think that I didn't nod off on his shoulder and I think it's more worry than certainty.
Anyway, I sat there and really thought about the need to put my recovery first, beyond my emotional reaction to the situation, i.e. feeling awkward as a result of being stuck in the middle and not wanting to disturb co-travellers and surly crew. Not to mention the awkwardness of sitting eating alone from out of a plastic box and it's so much food as well. And it was full of broccoli so I did warn them that it might smell slightly. So despite my embarrassment I ate my meal. I feel so pleased I can overcome these insecurities - worrying about what other people will think putting them before my needs. I reminded myself that if I was diabetic it would not even be considered an issue. So using this I just overcame my anxiety and ate. It was nice to eat myself back into recovery.
I made my phone call this morning to B, my sponsor. R came into the room and I started to scoot out but R left the room again. I hadn't been able to confirm with R what we would be eating today but instinctively had written the quantities down even though I didn't yet know the actual foods. I sent a text later with the details. Prawns and salad and beans for lunch. Tuna, spinach and salad for supper. I weighed and measured my lunch but it was very late as there were other guests arriving. It was all as usual quite spontaneous. Tomorrow I will say that I will eat separately and simply join them for the good company. R will understand. But I say with a smile that R (dad) was alarmed at the lack of garlic and not being able to have avocado or anything other than what was on my plate or second helpings. He thinks this is a very odd kind of diet. For 10 years now he has had a minimum of 5 cloves of garlic each day. I felt a little irritated by the lack of structure. But I kept my calm, ate ate the first opportunity. L was just very acceptant and that's how she always is. Whether she has an opinion or not is difficult to gauge.
The guests were a right old mix S was English, passing by over 4 moths or so from Australia. quite brash. R commented on how nice S was. Interesting as I was thinking about being that coarse when I was drinking. She referred to alcohol and men a lot. L had made a comment earlier about her being rough. L was into her food and S from Norway I thought was quite flirtatious. However, there was a way about her that like T and it's just a confident friendliness with no actual desire to follow through a flirt. Perhaps there is a conditioning from me about their attitude. I liked S for her chattiness and friendliness.
I noticed how chatty i was too. I introduced myself and asked questions showing interest in everyone at the table. J is such a gently natured lady and her new husband was pleasant enough. They leave for home tomorrow. C and her husband didn't hang about for lunch.
It's lovely to be back amongst the F's. They are easy going, bohemian and loving. R would like me to get a job here and stay. It's tempting but I wouldn't leave LouLou and I'm certain she would struggle with the heat in the Summer months. Plus what work could I do that would pay me enough to be able to get home regularly as well. R was wondering if I would be interested in managing their health centre in Kingston. If the salary was above £30k it might be interesting. There would be a chance to utilise rooms for 1:1's but it would be getting the referrals that would need some dedicated work on.
Would £30 though really cover the extra travelling I'd need to do? And it wouldn't make up for the lost 1:1's.
I feel incredibly tired. I think the events of the last weeks really has taken it's toll on me. I'm too tired to focus on my studies. And that's very worrying indeed. The cut off date for this assignment is next Tuesday. I haven't even finished the reading and I'm really not understanding the conditions of the experiment. I need to really concentrate on the reading first. I'm not sure If I've done the stats correctly but at least I've had a start at it.
I will read a little more this evening. The problem is I'm switching from one thing to another rather than reading all the way through the book, then the journal papers. There is an order to this. So why don't I follow that tomorrow.
Tonight after dinner I will read the book.
Bliss
X
