The Stool of Unmanageability

I checked it out with my friends first, as I was preparing to send a birthday card. As everyone without exception pointed out, this would be breaking my own bottom line of no contact. I wanted to send a card and at the same time knew something didn't feel right. It seems rude and thoughtless. What will he think of me type thing. Well I was reminded that he knows I have requested no contact for the time being. So actually I haven't been unmanageable. It feels very sad though. Sad that it didn't work out how I it had seemed things were and sad that having not worked out it is how it is.

I have been thinking about something beautiful I read and wanted to comment further on it with thoughts that could still further be expanded upon. It would be good to have contributory debates ... oh well. Me and my thinking alone.

A report in the Independent suggests that the reduction of honeybees is connected with mobile phones. And furthermore suggests that mobiles are a threat to us humans too. ...
 There are more recent reports too ....

Are mobile phones wiping out our bees?

Scientists claim radiation from handsets are to blame for mysterious 'colony collapse' of bees

By Geoffrey Lean and Harriet Shawcross

Sunday, 15 April 2007

It seems like the plot of a particularly far-fetched horror film. But some scientists suggest that our love of the mobile phone could cause massive food shortages, as the world's harvests fail.

They are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) occurs when a hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, leaving only queens, eggs and a few immature workers, like so many apian Mary Celestes. The vanished bees are never found, but thought to die singly far from home. The parasites, wildlife and other bees that normally raid the honey and pollen left behind when a colony dies, refuse to go anywhere near the abandoned hives.

The alarm was first sounded last autumn, but has now hit half of all American states. The West Coast is thought to have lost 60 per cent of its commercial bee population, with 70 per cent missing on the East Coast.

CCD has since spread to Germany, Switzerland, Spain, Portugal, Italy and Greece. And last week John Chapple, one of London's biggest bee-keepers, announced that 23 of his 40 hives have been abruptly abandoned.

Other apiarists have recorded losses in Scotland, Wales and north-west England, but the Department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs insisted: "There is absolutely no evidence of CCD in the UK."

The implications of the spread are alarming. Most of the world's crops depend on pollination by bees. Albert Einstein once said that if the bees disappeared, "man would have only four years of life left".

No one knows why it is happening. Theories involving mites, pesticides, global warming and GM crops have been proposed, but all have drawbacks.

German research has long shown that bees' behaviour changes near power lines.

Now a limited study at Landau University has found that bees refuse to return to their hives when mobile phones are placed nearby. Dr Jochen Kuhn, who carried it out, said this could provide a "hint" to a possible cause.

Dr George Carlo, who headed a massive study by the US government and mobile phone industry of hazards from mobiles in the Nineties, said: "I am convinced the possibility is real."

The case against handsets

Evidence of dangers to people from mobile phones is increasing. But proof is still lacking, largely because many of the biggest perils, such as cancer, take decades to show up.

Most research on cancer has so far proved inconclusive. But an official Finnish study found that people who used the phones for more than 10 years were 40 per cent more likely to get a brain tumour on the same side as they held the handset.

Equally alarming, blue-chip Swedish research revealed that radiation from mobile phones killed off brain cells, suggesting that today's teenagers could go senile in the prime of their lives.

Studies in India and the US have raised the possibility that men who use mobile phones heavily have reduced sperm counts. And, more prosaically, doctors have identified the condition of "text thumb", a form of RSI from constant texting.

Professor Sir William Stewart, who has headed two official inquiries, warned that children under eight should not use mobiles and made a series of safety recommendations, largely ignored by ministers.

"In the whole Universe, there is nothing static, dead or frozen. Everything, but absolutely everything, is in eternal movement. Even within the so-called still nature reigns the same intrinsic law of movement. Movement and newness, in p...erfect interconnecteness, affirm themselves as uniqueness. In order to be able to encounter the newness of the aliveness in its movement, we must come out and greet it the same way. Thus, we don’t return to the past, to what happened, nor we project ourselves into the future, in pursuit of an imaginary purpose or ideal to fulfill. With a completely empty mind, we simply watch life as it unfolds. Nothing comes between us and the movement of life, in the form of images, opinions etc. Such a simple and direct meeting with the moment transcends us spontaneously from the finite world into Infinity. And just as quickly, like lightning, we detach, in order to be free again, and therefore completely available to encountering the next moment. Nothing is anticipated and nothing is accumulated from the lived moment. The purity, innocence of the mind is our constant companion, as each moment becomes an opportunity of creative “being”. Through this way of “being” - as pure Consciousness - we ourselves create a new world in which Love, beauty, compassion and kindness become a reality which positively influences the whole of humankind." Ilie Cioara

I like this too - and can engage with the idea very easily when in a good state of mind. I do think though, that it takes a lot of practice and would be concerned that unpracticed if I forget that I come to each unfolding experience with my past attached then I might not be observant of my beliefs, memories, attitudes etc that will inform my experience. Furthermore, I am concerned that in detaching as easily suggests not having any feelings associated with the change and sometimes sense of loss or change associated with joy. I think it is important to detach yes and at that time to acknowledge the emotions and allow time for those to heal or not to react on joy with excitement. Personal time is also as important as being able to live life with the ever changing environment and experiences. Nothing is standing still but somethings are happening so slowly like the way mountains are eroding or glass is altering. We do create our world and being mindful of our part is important I believe.

Bliss

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Embarrassed

I would like to add that I am embarrassed and ashamed too of behaviours that I have wrwitten about. At the time I was fully involved and not ashamed within the situation. But I would not share openly with friends of mine.
I think it is good to have this all out as public to show how everthign can become so devastating yet at the time seem so great and exciting. The ups and downs. I know that there were some real emotions in there too. Each time as well.
I make this available publicly now because it is actually my entire story as it unfolds. I see how destructive or how wonderful and beautiful things can be - it is a journey and one that gradually is becoming narrower even though the river is widening.
I step towards self improvement and enlightenment with every awakening and thank the Universe for me being one of the people that is waking up.
I am grateful despite the difficulties along the way

Bliss
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Itching and scratching

If you wish to becone enlightened in a few days, it would be too presumtuous. It is very important to apply sustained effort, like the continual flowing of a stream.

Quote from the Dalai Lama

The difficulty is as a human being applying the ffort like a continual stream. I find that when there is "pain" and I get back into the flow I benefit and thigns change for the better. I am inspired and excited by the learnign and the growth that comes through this effort. IN true addict style, I can get very wrapped up in the effort and the teachings themself I can make the HIgher Power or in other words, I can get out of balance and forget to do all the other things in life as well that contribute to my well being. I can make the teachings so overly important and expect to get all my needs met from them. So it's important to incorporate the teachings and practice as a part of my daily life, whilst ensuring I bring my principles into every area of my life.
There is another problem though. After a while I can get bored and want a different kind of excitement. I can easily trick myself into justifying it too. But that may be explained later.
I sometimes refer to this process within me as a little devil or addiction or similar. With Bi-polar within me I can also see how it's something that triggers off. It doesn't really matter what is is that happens deep inside me. The important thing is to become better at recognising it and stay close to the supportive friends I trust. There are not so many but there are enough. It's a powerful force. It grows strong within me and then temptation is greater than the desire to stay close to fellowships, friends, the flow of the river.
I recognise that during 2009 I was beginning to get the "itch". Having been single for a while and worked HARD on the CODA steps and growth of self I told myself it was time to put the learning into practice within a relationship. A few life events then created the possibility to pursue that desire. I was ill with Swine Flu, I watched a DVD about happiness which mentioned SecondLife. SL had been mentioned in a lecture earlier in the year connected with my degree. And years previously I was working as a student therapist and emcountered for the first time addiction in the form of virtual worlds. Temptation was growing. I entered SecondLife and many many triggers were set off. Behaviour that I didn't like from the off but in my enjoyment of SL and partially wishing to make amends in line with the flow of the river I stayed. Gradually the spiritual path was dwindled away and yet I was thinking I was being spiritual until I got involved 100%. My wants were being met and I fell for the feeling of love and being loved. All of this then became my HP. I believed in my investment and yet principles were also pounding away.
I was aware I was not spending time with my friends. I was working but was also very distracted. I was not attending meetings or practicing steps etc. I was thinking I was following interests such as creative flows etc but they were involved with and entirely wrapped up with JH. I swung from the "good" to entirely "desire". This does not undermine all the feelings I had or shared or encountered. It is looking at it with the defective parts of the process.
So I swing between all or nothing to something else being all.
I am afraid of this itch, this boredom, this energy burst within me. I love it when I am "in" it. It brings adventure and experiences out of the normal zone. BUT it is usually destructive on the other side of it.
I need to find a way to be able to keep in with the rivers flow ........
This doesn't mean I have to miss out on the way of life and might include any number of the things that I think I would like, not least to be in a mutually loving relationship where we are in love and intimate including sexually intimate. But when that desire becomes triggered by the itch, it takes over as a driving force. It's just one example but a regular feature. And then afterwards I am re-traumatised and require periods of time gathering back together.
It is not the only process that goes on within me. I am wholesome and rounded therefore lots of things are going on. But it is one and one that I pray I will be able to be more aware of and be guided differently how to manage without the total loss and devastation that ensues.

Bliss
XX

Think I am having difficulty publicising that I have been diagnosed once again with Bi-polar. It is not the first time and actually I agree with it. I know it's mild and I know I have managed it at different times. I was interested that the psychiatrist talked about Bi-polar linked with trauma at a yound age and the re-traumatising through experiences in life. SC refers to re-traumatising and I see it.
It's manageable with drugs but I do not want them. They are very debilitating.
I am concerned how people make judgements a write people off when dioagnosed with anything. Boxed and lids shut tight.
I look forward to a world where everyone and every type can be embraced. Labels are potentially devastating! Well those people that want to avoid will and there is nothing I can do about this. The thing is I can get help through the label too and the characteristics help me to get some personal clarity and management tools. I would like to have some contact with Stephen Fry. I get such grandiose ideas. Ha ha - why should he want any contact with me when there are so many people diganosed and managing. I am one in many!
ML thinks she is similar.

Bliss
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