There's never just one right answer Bliss,
And there's never just one right question
the Universe
I like this - fluidity.
Yuch! More feebleness. I went to the GP today. Oh my G. She had to examine me. The loss of any dignity at the hands of this woman who simply treats the body as something of medical interest. I commented on how I could not do her work and at that point we entered into conversation about how she is fascinated. Yuch.
And so as a result I have now to attend another more specialised examination - grrrrrr.
It seems that the days of going to the doc and being sent away are over. Now every visit results in something else. Maybe I am making a fuss. To be honest it was not me that thought I should go. I made the appointment and went because others were more concerned than I was. Well it seems there is more to investigate.
THEN .... as if I didn't put myself through enough I called Dr D the head doc - from one end to the other. He said the MRI results were good - no lesions or signs of any damage. So it told him about yesterday and the symptoms of disassociation. He mentioned a word I do not want to even repeat beginning with e. I am certain this is migraine but they seem to be looking for other things. It's the fact I rarely get a piercing headache just a sort of vision problem where there is an impression of not seeing everything. And words, even though I know them. don't seem to string together or make sense. I have felt nauseous too. All symptoms of migraine. He now will be suggesting I see a "higher" level consultant. Grrrrrrrrrr. Dr D asked me if when I hear the words do I think I hear them - ha ha ha - I think he was ewdging towards locking me up and getting rid of the problem for him all together. We all know I am insane but I don't hear voices - the invisible people talk a lot of sense I think!!!!!!!
I want it all to stop and just return to happy, healthy me!
Oh and then JB got very upset worrying about me. Gosh he really was very concerned. I joked about him being the lucky one because if I am losing the plot I won;t remember that he is ill nad he can't keep telling me as if its the first time and get it off his chest on a daily basis.
Ha! He was too upset to see the funny side fully I think. I was touched at how concerned he is and how much I matter to him. I am so lucky to have the friendships that I have. And I keep seeing how many I have. I always think it's limited to one or two but actually there are quite a lot of people who offer me real big friendship.
JH, M and E and A - JB, A and G, R, mmmm is that it? Surely not. Oh yes K, H and little h, R, K,
S, mmmm well that's it for the moment. There are more I am sure he he he he. Oh P at some level.
Hope anyone reading this doesn't realise their intial is missing................
I have studied today - not as much as I need to. However, I am interested and "getting" it. I just need to write the essay now. I will try to write some each evening so that it is done for Friday.
I so know I will not do it but have to. It is not going to be my best price of work yet again but I do weant to submit something to increase my average mark to at least a pass. I am disappointed with my efforts this year. At the same time I want to try and give myself a break. Apart from being more enthusiastiv about my love for JH and being with him albeit via the ether - I am also working full time which I was not doing last year. Not only is itfull time but extra hours to boot. Lots of extra hours and a very long journey - which is becoming increasingly difficult to sustain. Cost of petrol for one thing but also my tiredness after a demanding day.
I would like a job closer to home but equally as rewarding and within positive working environment too. I will write this as if writing to the Universe too. Hello Universe - more local job, reasonable hours and a decent remuneration, opportunity for training and a good working environment with fully supportive meanagement and a good team. Regular clientele and reliable income is important too. Some stability and appreciation for dependable and consistent input.
I would be really interested in the opportunity to expand my own knowledge in my work and equine therapy is one area I am keen to explore amongst other qualifications and growth through experience.
Mmmm I am sure I can add to the list - not quite sure how to satrt my part in this action but at least making a start by asking you Universe for things that are coming to mind instantly. Always wary what I am asking for incase I get it without having covered every aspect tee hee. I know you Universe and your sense of humour.
Anyway I am listening too for your ideas and all the routes that you might send the messages.
I haven't really written about JH. Reason - he might be reading about himself!!!!
I have already modified my earlier posts because I didn;t think it was appropriate reading. This is aplace for me to write very very frankly indeed. I am very happy for him to be aware of this blog. I am not sure how healthy it is for me to write everything.
Things that I will write about - my destructive insecurity and how it manifests. I find it so so ugly.
Well the incredible feelings deep inside of me - these are surely spiritual. They are augmenting as the intimacy I have with JH deepens. Honesty and openness. I get scared too. I will write about that
There is much to write about this relationship. I have much to share with you
Love Bliss
And there's never just one right question
the Universe
I like this - fluidity.
Yuch! More feebleness. I went to the GP today. Oh my G. She had to examine me. The loss of any dignity at the hands of this woman who simply treats the body as something of medical interest. I commented on how I could not do her work and at that point we entered into conversation about how she is fascinated. Yuch.
And so as a result I have now to attend another more specialised examination - grrrrrr.
It seems that the days of going to the doc and being sent away are over. Now every visit results in something else. Maybe I am making a fuss. To be honest it was not me that thought I should go. I made the appointment and went because others were more concerned than I was. Well it seems there is more to investigate.
THEN .... as if I didn't put myself through enough I called Dr D the head doc - from one end to the other. He said the MRI results were good - no lesions or signs of any damage. So it told him about yesterday and the symptoms of disassociation. He mentioned a word I do not want to even repeat beginning with e. I am certain this is migraine but they seem to be looking for other things. It's the fact I rarely get a piercing headache just a sort of vision problem where there is an impression of not seeing everything. And words, even though I know them. don't seem to string together or make sense. I have felt nauseous too. All symptoms of migraine. He now will be suggesting I see a "higher" level consultant. Grrrrrrrrrr. Dr D asked me if when I hear the words do I think I hear them - ha ha ha - I think he was ewdging towards locking me up and getting rid of the problem for him all together. We all know I am insane but I don't hear voices - the invisible people talk a lot of sense I think!!!!!!!
I want it all to stop and just return to happy, healthy me!
Oh and then JB got very upset worrying about me. Gosh he really was very concerned. I joked about him being the lucky one because if I am losing the plot I won;t remember that he is ill nad he can't keep telling me as if its the first time and get it off his chest on a daily basis.
Ha! He was too upset to see the funny side fully I think. I was touched at how concerned he is and how much I matter to him. I am so lucky to have the friendships that I have. And I keep seeing how many I have. I always think it's limited to one or two but actually there are quite a lot of people who offer me real big friendship.
JH, M and E and A - JB, A and G, R, mmmm is that it? Surely not. Oh yes K, H and little h, R, K,
S, mmmm well that's it for the moment. There are more I am sure he he he he. Oh P at some level.
Hope anyone reading this doesn't realise their intial is missing................
I have studied today - not as much as I need to. However, I am interested and "getting" it. I just need to write the essay now. I will try to write some each evening so that it is done for Friday.
I so know I will not do it but have to. It is not going to be my best price of work yet again but I do weant to submit something to increase my average mark to at least a pass. I am disappointed with my efforts this year. At the same time I want to try and give myself a break. Apart from being more enthusiastiv about my love for JH and being with him albeit via the ether - I am also working full time which I was not doing last year. Not only is itfull time but extra hours to boot. Lots of extra hours and a very long journey - which is becoming increasingly difficult to sustain. Cost of petrol for one thing but also my tiredness after a demanding day.
I would like a job closer to home but equally as rewarding and within positive working environment too. I will write this as if writing to the Universe too. Hello Universe - more local job, reasonable hours and a decent remuneration, opportunity for training and a good working environment with fully supportive meanagement and a good team. Regular clientele and reliable income is important too. Some stability and appreciation for dependable and consistent input.
I would be really interested in the opportunity to expand my own knowledge in my work and equine therapy is one area I am keen to explore amongst other qualifications and growth through experience.
Mmmm I am sure I can add to the list - not quite sure how to satrt my part in this action but at least making a start by asking you Universe for things that are coming to mind instantly. Always wary what I am asking for incase I get it without having covered every aspect tee hee. I know you Universe and your sense of humour.
Anyway I am listening too for your ideas and all the routes that you might send the messages.
I haven't really written about JH. Reason - he might be reading about himself!!!!
I have already modified my earlier posts because I didn;t think it was appropriate reading. This is aplace for me to write very very frankly indeed. I am very happy for him to be aware of this blog. I am not sure how healthy it is for me to write everything.
Things that I will write about - my destructive insecurity and how it manifests. I find it so so ugly.
Well the incredible feelings deep inside of me - these are surely spiritual. They are augmenting as the intimacy I have with JH deepens. Honesty and openness. I get scared too. I will write about that
There is much to write about this relationship. I have much to share with you
Love Bliss
