Elderflower cordial

•35 fresh elder flower heads – always pick the sweet smelling ones (which tend to be a bit buttery in colour and which do not drop petals when shaken)
•2 oranges, rough sliced
•2 lemons, also rough sliced
•2oz tartaric or citric acid – we prefer citric which makes for a more lemony taste, but some of our friends like tartaric. You can buy either from a shop that sells winemaking stuff and you can get citric acid from your local chemist.
•3 pints boiling water
•3lb granulated sugar, (if you are worried about your sugar intake, you can use the equivalent of granulated Splenda (it is very light so follow the instructions which substitute volume for weight….)
•1 Camden tablet per gallon of cordial (winemakers also use these, they kill the natural yeasts on the elder flowers and allow you to store the cordial for years without it going fizzy).
•Large plastic containers, big enough to hold your batch of cordial.
•Glass or food grade plastic bottles with airtight caps.
•A Siphon tube.
•J-cloths or wine filtering fabric.
•A large sieve
•Boil the water and dissolve the sugar in it. Allow it to cool properly.
•Add the orange and lemon slices to the cool sugar water.
•Stir in and make sure the tartaric or citric acid is dissolved.
•Add the elder flower heads.
•Cover it up with a lid or cloth (we like to use a 5 gallon (25 litre) home winemaking plastic barrels) and leave it for 48-72 hours.
•Strain the mixture and leave for another 48 hours.
•We then siphon it all to another container, leaving the sediment/dregs behind and then we add 1 crushed Camden tablet per gallon of cordial.
•Shake well, and then leave for 3-4 hours to settle.
•Bottle, leaving behind any more dregs.
•If you don’t want to use two large containers, then you will need to add a crushed Camden tablet at the rate of 1 per gallon (1/2 a tablet to a 4 pint milk container for example) and carefully siphon directly into that. Shake the bottle well after you have filled it and do the top up tightly. Shake it again an hour or two later to make sure the tablet has dissolved. It will then keep for ages – as in years.
Always use sterilised bottles:
•Microwave – 2-3 minutes should kill anything.
•Oven - put glass bottles into your cold oven. Run it up to about 140C, keep it there for 10-15 minutes and then leave it to cool.
•You can also use Milton or just boiling hot water

Coming back

I can feel an enormous shift
and it's as if I a returning.
Please God this will last.
It has been dreadful this past few months.
I can feel spirituality.
I can smile with love and tolerance.

What a beautiful world

I am sure it has helped that I have been to meetings regularly and more of them. I know seeing SC has been helping. I have been calling for support from just the most wonderful friends.
I am beginning to feel some peace in my soul and a togetherness with the Universe

Despite all the horrors occurring around the world.

I am certain this feels stronger. And yet it is difficult to let go of the desire to not exist anymore too.
That is weird - that just washed right over me again. Death still seems desirable.
Yet I am interested in earthly things again .... I can feel shifts around all sorts today.

http://www.eatweeds.co.uk/

Take a look - very interesting

Bliss
X

Purlieu

My place to roam around freely, my own bounds and confines.

Take whatever steps you can take without the fear of not being supported. Redefine the concept of support, and abundance so that it is not only money, but that it comes in whatever form is required and remembering that the definition of abundance is simply the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it, no matter how it may happen. quote from Bashar

A must read for anyone interested in aiding health - especially useful hormonal info today
http://health-in-hand.co.uk/blog-2/


I have finally told those special few that I will not be returning to SL. It has sucked the life out of me now. Peda remains in tact in case some day in the future ...... but for now I realise I cannot deal well with the ingenuine people I am too sensitive. Instead I want to turn towards the good and light. I am not judging anyone at all - it is me that does not know how to deal with it. I have a lot of healing to do from the past and from recent experiences re-opening old wounds. No one in SL or Rl is to know those wounds exist - I need to stop being vulnerable with people who I am not safe with. A big lesson has been shown to me now I hope to learn to use the information provided.
I feel very sad saying goodbye but I cannot be sentimental about this - I wish to survive.

Bliss
XX

Harmony

I am feeling better - another day of it. I felt like cleaning yesterday which I haven't been feeling like doing. And I have a feel for getting back to work as well. This morning I feel "lighter" inside of me, like whatever it is the hormones seem to drag down on, well it seems not to be dragging. I have had little glimpses of this happening and then it returns. I feel less bloated as well. I am decreasing more easily. Thank goodness.
I pray and hope that it will not return. I need the doc and the psychiatrist to help. I really cannot cope well with it at all and I think it will help me to kill myself- whatever IT is.
I am concerned about finances too. I do have some savings which are accruing. That gives me a little leeway but of course as soon as I dip into them there will be no more accrual!!!!! So do I speak with my dad? Have I got the courage?
What are my fears? Well he has always been so judgemental and would get so angry with me. He wouldn't speak to me. He has considered me a loser and a failure I think. I am not sure those are his words but I certainly have felt his contempt of me. And just recently we have had a couple of sessions of getting on. So long as I don't interfere in the conversation too much. He still is interested in what is ME. But he is at least telling me about HIM. I do say more and more what is OK and what isn't which is progress. I just want him to love me. And for ME.
It's such a big hole that I seem to find truly difficult to let go of ... I am seeing SC again on Thursday. I have no idea from one week to the next what I will talk about.
last week I was very honest with him about my sexual behaviour last year and the shame that I felt. He specialises in the sex and love issues and was so gently with me. He practically told me what the other person was like. I was amazed and had to laugh. I felt truly sad that my arousal could only come from some dark associations. And yet even as I write it I can still feel the pleasure that came from it all. I had never dived into the behaviours in any real way before then. I was reeled in with my intrigue. First the couple I met in passing and curiously asking them so many questions. At the same time I was exploring the conflicting ideas of whether it is always addiction at play. I don't believe that at all. And I certainly do not judge people for the desire and indulgence. I know for me and now a couple of other people there is an association with arousal and being controlled and I think that comes from a childhood influence. It's interesting thinking about the possibility of being in a relationship where I might be able to start informing a loving partner of things that are stimulating etc without the need for them to have full control. I can see how that is terrifying for me. Even the thought of being the Domme - well that is how it would seem to me ..... I have a lot to learn and at my age!!! Now though I would prefer to learn sexuality within a loving and equal relationship. I hope that I will not return to that darker force. It seems so sad that it's so late. I am grateful in a way to have been brought down so hard by the break up of the relationship because I might not have explored further. That is bullshit. Things are as they are and thankfully I have many avenues of support. It has been an incredible experience on many levels.
I am so sad that it didn't work out. The person wasn't the right person. Our paths crossed and so many things were really good but at this time we are on slightly different planes. That's OK. I see how quickly I attached without the knwledge how to detach graciously. I should like to learn grace. But it's the loss of something I wanted. Grieve grieve grieve. I think as well the hormonal madness being a little calmer I have some mental strength to help myself manage the emotional issues that have been exploding out of me. And with SC's help, looking at the issues from a gentle and loving point of view. Containing the emotions raging out of me etc etc.
What I am pleased about is that I can look closer at the things that I get angry about. I hope that I can continue practicing this.
I was feeling afraid and confused with all the announcements yesterday about bin Laden and then a few days before the death of Gaddafi's son. It was someone else posting the refusal to hate the supposed enemies and instead mourn the loss of a living person. It was such a gentling thought and truly what I feel more comfortable with. I am afraid for this planet of all the madness and destruction. It is happening though.
It is lovely that I know so many people that are different. They are not hungry for amassing, they are trying to do things differently. Just get along in a gentle, calm manner. Wanting change of their own mental state. I really can attune to this today and the past few days once again. I feel the love and peace and stillness.
I have taken a moment to consider the lives of those men who have died as enemies to so many. Their death has not relieved any situations whatsoever. There is more doubt and suspicion if anything.
I feel sad for the losses of those that have loved them. They are at last in peace, no struggle or fear. No need for power. I pray that the craziness between people at every level might cease and instead there can be love for each other, tolerance for differences, embracing life itself. Awareness of passions and what that motivates in ourselves being wary to consider costs to others. Empathy. Honesty - being vulnerable to gain strength. Growing and developing self awareness and awareness of others without assumption.

I need to focus on studying now

Bliss
XX

The not a lot pot

Baby Zoe except yet again I haven't really captured the essence of Zoe.



Keep practicing, it's sure to get better. The thing is I enjoy doing it so that in itself is success. I hope I didn't offend my friend (Zoe's grandmother).