Before my Soul taught me, Love was for me a delicate thread stretched between two adjacent pegs,
but now it has been transformed into a halo; its first is its last, and its last is its first.
It encompasses every being, slowly expanding to embrace all that ever will be.
~ Khalil Gibran
I very much appreciate the words of Khalil Gibran. I like the little book the Prophet with thought out pearls of wisdom. I am grateful for the introduction to this and other sages over the years.
I feel very disappointed and hurt and angry too by the management team at work.
But thankfully I have been ranting and raving with friends and flailing my arms around wildly as I did so - tee hee. And so I am laughing at myself. Some of this is pride too, that they don't seem to value me after all. I wonder what their plan is? I wonder if actually they will reduce the ATP? That's always an option. P has kept the numbers high for several years now. And just this last few weeks there have been no calls or referrals - or rather just one or two. He will be handing his notice in at the end of this week. And a lot is due to the way he finds the management team not to his liking.
I guess they are doing the job as they want to but I also find them to have a different standard to that I would wish to be working to.
I am not sure how not to react but I know it is better that I rant to my friends than react in my anger directly with them. And of course it does pass. There is nothing I can do after all and in my powerlessness I feel very let down.
What is it that I am actually angry about? The reality is that I am pissed off because they (management) do not want to pay me extra to do the team leader job whilst they find a replacement and they expect each team member to just carry the workload. I find that most unsuitable and know that it is also because I will take on work just to ensure the smooth running and I'll be doing it for fuck all!! I want to be more boundaried but hate the idea that the unit will lower in standard as a result. I am in a dilemma. I am not sure that I have explained this fully to anyone when I ranted this evening.
I got fed up with friends trying to work it all out and ask detailed questions rather than allow me to be angry. It was frustrating
Anyway the important thing I have identified the source of my anger now after talking and talking and now writing about it.
Pride is involved and desire for more money too - is that greed? I don't think I am paid enough for it to be greed. It is self worth I suppose. And disappointment that actually they don't seem to value me as much as I wanted them to.
Oh well. I better get over myself really. I need to stay and get my accreditation and then consider my options. Until then I need to keep my head down, not react on emotions and not be impulsive in making decisions. Bide my time, find patience and tolerance.
It is already easier having written this and identified myself within all the complexity. Crazy, crazy world!
I suppose I want them to value me - yup pride!!
but now it has been transformed into a halo; its first is its last, and its last is its first.
It encompasses every being, slowly expanding to embrace all that ever will be.
~ Khalil Gibran
I very much appreciate the words of Khalil Gibran. I like the little book the Prophet with thought out pearls of wisdom. I am grateful for the introduction to this and other sages over the years.
I feel very disappointed and hurt and angry too by the management team at work.
But thankfully I have been ranting and raving with friends and flailing my arms around wildly as I did so - tee hee. And so I am laughing at myself. Some of this is pride too, that they don't seem to value me after all. I wonder what their plan is? I wonder if actually they will reduce the ATP? That's always an option. P has kept the numbers high for several years now. And just this last few weeks there have been no calls or referrals - or rather just one or two. He will be handing his notice in at the end of this week. And a lot is due to the way he finds the management team not to his liking.
I guess they are doing the job as they want to but I also find them to have a different standard to that I would wish to be working to.
I am not sure how not to react but I know it is better that I rant to my friends than react in my anger directly with them. And of course it does pass. There is nothing I can do after all and in my powerlessness I feel very let down.
What is it that I am actually angry about? The reality is that I am pissed off because they (management) do not want to pay me extra to do the team leader job whilst they find a replacement and they expect each team member to just carry the workload. I find that most unsuitable and know that it is also because I will take on work just to ensure the smooth running and I'll be doing it for fuck all!! I want to be more boundaried but hate the idea that the unit will lower in standard as a result. I am in a dilemma. I am not sure that I have explained this fully to anyone when I ranted this evening.
I got fed up with friends trying to work it all out and ask detailed questions rather than allow me to be angry. It was frustrating
Anyway the important thing I have identified the source of my anger now after talking and talking and now writing about it.
Pride is involved and desire for more money too - is that greed? I don't think I am paid enough for it to be greed. It is self worth I suppose. And disappointment that actually they don't seem to value me as much as I wanted them to.
Oh well. I better get over myself really. I need to stay and get my accreditation and then consider my options. Until then I need to keep my head down, not react on emotions and not be impulsive in making decisions. Bide my time, find patience and tolerance.
It is already easier having written this and identified myself within all the complexity. Crazy, crazy world!
I suppose I want them to value me - yup pride!!
It takes great strength of character to do what feels right and true for you, regardless of what anybody else may think of you ~ Themis Eagleson
I think it feels right for me not to apply for the team leader position. I want to focus on being a therapist. BUT I am scared that it would be an opportunity to develop relations with the consultants. BUT actually can I not do that simply by being a therapist? Yes I think I can.
Hmmmm - it's good to write it all out. And good to have spoken things out too. I wanted a rave and needed a rant. That's surely good for me once in a while. And I haven't directed it at anyone or taken it out on anyone and the anger is diminishing and has been appropriately realised by me, myself and I.
I think there will be people that think it is wrong to feel angry. It is not wrong to feel angry so long as I don't misuse it and don't work through things.
It's freeing and energising and I feel better.
I just need to be cautious at work now with the management team that I do not feel respect for.
They operate in a way that is very different to my own standards and ethics.
Thanks for listening
Bliss
XX
