Gosh this title deserves a real good storyline and all I can say is pretty mundane - tame.
I heard on The Archers "love never dies". I felt my mum descend over me. I felt warm and loved and also sad.
I was intrigued by a postcard I found and pinned it to the noticeboard by my desk. That was 2 years ago now. It was colorful, pinks and playful splatters of other colours, but the essence of the picture seemed to me to be quite dark. Just a couple of days ago I once again noticed the card. I was talking on the phone and it seemed to come into my vision, noticeably so. I thought of HD. And closely followed by D.
Today, PD turned to speak to me and noticed the card. He commented on it, particularly noticing the dark topic of it. He asked who had sent it. I told him how I had cleared up HD's mess when I took over the desk. I did that with fondness at the time. I don't remember having ever read the card.
Jokingly I remarked to PD that it was likely to be from D. We both looked at each other wide-eyed. I took down the card. Sure enough. The word love was crossed out. I wonder who was grooming who in some ways.? However, it made reference to matters that were occurring long before I actually joined the situation and we could easily see that matters were out of hand earlier than we had been led to believe.
The evidence was sitting there looking directly at me everyday. I was cautious not to get HD in trouble when I spoke with the police. And ever since found about the other situation from long before, I have been angry that I was sucked into the madness and danger but as a complete enabler! Shit! Such a vulnerable girl, such a vulnerable guy. Such flipping sickness amongst them. I am scared for D. I am scared for HD too but he has more experience of survival in some ways. D has every reason to want to escape living on life's terms. And now even more reason. I fear she will be using with him. What a tragic journey lies ahead.
I spoke with JH this evening. We talked about the whys and wherefores of going and not going to the USA & God knows I would like nothing more. The circumstances though - if we were merely friends and settled into that it would be great. Very easy indeed to have fun and just travel together. If we were lovers without the blocks there are it would be even greater. Fun and loving, adventure and experiencing. As it is I would not feel right just being there all that time not being able to touch and hold hands or cuddle up. And then if we did we would have to break up all over again. I don't think I could take it too well. It hurts enough as it is. I need some time to heal this gaping wound.
If only ....... but that is not helpful thinking. The situation is as it is.
Every time I ask certain questions I hope it has miraculously changed but I know of course it cannot. Things have to run their course and this means me being able to let go. Let go, let go, let go. If I let go then the healing is taking lace. As soon as I take it all back into my hands then the pain is there just as strong as ever. It will heal with time.
JH and I have been great together. Universe it was just bad timin' for what seemed like might be a possible wonderfully loving relationship. The timin' of course was perfect for something and that I just cannot see right now.
If JH has gained any clarity for himself to heal a little more of the things in him that have been damaged - well then that is enough is purpose enough. And I have seem and experienced things that a extremely helpful and encouraging to me too.
Then I know that it's not bad timin' at all = it is the way it is and that's all. Universe does not do anything to punish or purposely cause pain. Life presents itself just as it does. Maybe there is a purpose to it all and I am wrong. However, people all around the world are encountering life - It's all about the journey.
I am falling asleep now and need to work tomorrow
Good night
Bliss
XXX
I heard on The Archers "love never dies". I felt my mum descend over me. I felt warm and loved and also sad.
I was intrigued by a postcard I found and pinned it to the noticeboard by my desk. That was 2 years ago now. It was colorful, pinks and playful splatters of other colours, but the essence of the picture seemed to me to be quite dark. Just a couple of days ago I once again noticed the card. I was talking on the phone and it seemed to come into my vision, noticeably so. I thought of HD. And closely followed by D.
Today, PD turned to speak to me and noticed the card. He commented on it, particularly noticing the dark topic of it. He asked who had sent it. I told him how I had cleared up HD's mess when I took over the desk. I did that with fondness at the time. I don't remember having ever read the card.
Jokingly I remarked to PD that it was likely to be from D. We both looked at each other wide-eyed. I took down the card. Sure enough. The word love was crossed out. I wonder who was grooming who in some ways.? However, it made reference to matters that were occurring long before I actually joined the situation and we could easily see that matters were out of hand earlier than we had been led to believe.
The evidence was sitting there looking directly at me everyday. I was cautious not to get HD in trouble when I spoke with the police. And ever since found about the other situation from long before, I have been angry that I was sucked into the madness and danger but as a complete enabler! Shit! Such a vulnerable girl, such a vulnerable guy. Such flipping sickness amongst them. I am scared for D. I am scared for HD too but he has more experience of survival in some ways. D has every reason to want to escape living on life's terms. And now even more reason. I fear she will be using with him. What a tragic journey lies ahead.
I spoke with JH this evening. We talked about the whys and wherefores of going and not going to the USA & God knows I would like nothing more. The circumstances though - if we were merely friends and settled into that it would be great. Very easy indeed to have fun and just travel together. If we were lovers without the blocks there are it would be even greater. Fun and loving, adventure and experiencing. As it is I would not feel right just being there all that time not being able to touch and hold hands or cuddle up. And then if we did we would have to break up all over again. I don't think I could take it too well. It hurts enough as it is. I need some time to heal this gaping wound.
If only ....... but that is not helpful thinking. The situation is as it is.
Every time I ask certain questions I hope it has miraculously changed but I know of course it cannot. Things have to run their course and this means me being able to let go. Let go, let go, let go. If I let go then the healing is taking lace. As soon as I take it all back into my hands then the pain is there just as strong as ever. It will heal with time.
JH and I have been great together. Universe it was just bad timin' for what seemed like might be a possible wonderfully loving relationship. The timin' of course was perfect for something and that I just cannot see right now.
If JH has gained any clarity for himself to heal a little more of the things in him that have been damaged - well then that is enough is purpose enough. And I have seem and experienced things that a extremely helpful and encouraging to me too.
Then I know that it's not bad timin' at all = it is the way it is and that's all. Universe does not do anything to punish or purposely cause pain. Life presents itself just as it does. Maybe there is a purpose to it all and I am wrong. However, people all around the world are encountering life - It's all about the journey.
I am falling asleep now and need to work tomorrow
Good night
Bliss
XXX
