Monday Night Liss

What a lovely meeting. And I realise it's less about the meeting and more about me and my attitude and input.
I haven't attended to my recovery so much in the probably the last 6 months. And now I am refreshing my effort. It's paying off.
JH asked me a little while ago what it is that makes it a good meeting.
Well this evening I shared - I related to a couple of things already said by others and to some things said by the guest chair. I have known her vaguely throughout my recovery and she is a very upbeat and pleasant lady.
There was laughter in the room and I listened to the essence of the person and not the detail of the personality.
There was longevity and nostalgia with that.
There was niceness = just decent people reaching out to each other. Of course there are personalities with all the defects of humanness. But I can focus on the principles and see people just trying to become better people one way or another.
A lady said good bye to me as I left the meeting room this evening. She used my name which was a lovely thing to happen. Made me feel heard. It mattered because I think I am invisible really and actually keep myself that way by trying to shrink into the woodwork.
So tonight I was pro-active.
I had the extraordinary events of Saturday to share which I believe are directly linked to these 10 years I have committed myself to changing. Sometimes working at it flipping hard and at other times flipping out all together.
And it's not been alone. I have had a lot of wonderful friends carrying me at times.

I have faith. I forget sometimes but I do have a very strong faith.
People are unpredictable and unreliable and of course that keeps everything always interesting. But I have faith .............................

Bliss
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Jesus and the woman of Samaria

Jesus does something that is very dramatic here. When Jesus is discussed in this chapter as having spoken to a Samaritan woman; it’s a shocking concept. In fact in the synoptic gospels, Jesus does something quite surprising. He made the Samaritan the hero of one of His parables- the Good Samaritan. You’ve got to understand how radical this is. It’s like making an Arab the hero to the Jew or the Jew the hero to the Arab in a parable. That would be the same kind of enmity they had.
Even speaking to the woman, He overcomes a number of barriers, as we’re about to see.
In John 4:2, where Jesus wasn’t baptizing but His disciples were, it corrects an inaccuracy in the information that had apparently reached the Pharisees. Here’s what is happening- tremendous hostility as a consequence of Jesus’ growing reputation. Surely when John the Baptist was brought into captivity and then finally executed and Jesus was really getting their attention, He knew then that He also had to keep Himself away. All four gospels express Jesus’ concern to avoid arrest at the hands of the Pharisees before the appointed time. So that’s why it says in John 4:3-4, “He left Judea and went away into Galilee, and He had to pass through Samaria.” I think He went there because it was the shortest route and also there are appointments that take place.
God has divine appointments. He didn’t necessarily leave Judea with any fixed intention of ministering in Samaria, He just planned to pass through but the Spirit will always blow wherever He wishes. True messengers of God are never subject to fixed programs and to prejudices. We need to keep that in mind for ourselves. You don’t know what you’re called to do. You don’t know what ministry you’re going to have and very often your greatest moment might be something that was not planned- something may appear to be an interruption or something that might not seem very productive.

This has been brought to my attention once again. I recall being confused on the first occasion it was brought to my attention.

My heckles go up when I read about the Jews being the chosen ones -  that's how interpret it and have to look deeper into the meaning and the impact on me - somethign for strong contemplation. It's not that I am prejudiced towards a race of people but I read an implication of a "special" race.The special and different attitude.If I am not careful I will be accused of being anti-Semitic and that is far from what I am saying. What I am trying to say is that God is surely not biased or offer preferential anything to anyone person or thing. That perhaps the lessons are spreading slowly slowly around humanity shows that contentment and learning is available to everyone whenever they are ready. And perhaps there were people in Israel who were ready before others but this doesn't mean they are the first and only. And to me the fact that different belief systems were developing over the Earth shows that others were also ready much earlier in our evolutionary development but just in different ways. And that's why I am not considered a Christian I suppose - because I don;t believe in the ONE way or ONE lesson. All the stories from all beliefs systems can resonate clearly with me in different ways. Fundamentally I believe and this is personal that all the belief systems are advocating the same thing - Godliness as a way of being.

I believe that I am working and walking int he direction of Godliness.

So that is one part of the interpretation I have.

Then there is more ... how when the woman realises that she is in the presence of a prophet how she becomes open and interested and is very giving and sharing of her precious water. The very fact that Jesus made her an important person in his travels shows that he was unbiased. No one better or worse than any other. Equality, acceptance, tolerance of others with different struggles.

I also like the reference to never really knowing what any journey will bring and being open to shifts and changes. Going with the flow and something will always occur as a result.

I was very sorry to not be travelling with JH. With really strong longing about it. But since the day I was supposed to leave so many other things have been able to happen. I need to trust that having made a decision for one reason and then questioning the decision on the basis of being confused about how I have been once again very affectionate with JH, well it's all a little muddled really.

And then I read into things once again. I must remember that JH himself agreed that he is not available to be able to fully love me. By that I don;t mean he doesn't love me. He is a very loving person and loves humanity I believe. But he is not available to place his love within a relationship right now to his fullest.

This is an example of him and I travelling on one path so we thought and then things happen to change the trajectory. It is different but no less meaningful.

Not sure where all that came from. And I am sure to forget the essence that I have taken that has brought me acceptance and calm but for this moment it means a lot.

Thank you Universe for bringing this to me again.

The angels work well in bringing signs - I sometimes forget to notice them and even when I notice them I forget to make time to look into them and see what it is I need to learn.

Bliss

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Living the dream

Ha ha, last night I dreamt about blood. Or rather in the early hours of this morning. It's very vague but I was bleeding and it wouldn't stop. This monring I had blood tests. Not only that, after she removed the syringe, the little hole wouldn't stop bleeding. Of course ventually it did but after several plasters and her having to press on the wound and hold my arm up.
Furthermore I was talking about bleeding with my dad.
So if this is living the dream by golly I am ..... :)))
Or is the dream living me?

I am going to start reading the first of my set books. A cup of coffee and then start. I am just disorganised. And the more chaotic my flat is the more I just want to ignore it all.
I think tomorrow I will spend time dedicating to getting organised. So even though it is highly likely I will be at work on Wednesday, at least I am making he space for studying.
It is an odd process I am going through. It started all last year.
It is sheer laziness. But I also know that laziness covers up a lot of fear.
Nah I am really lazy!!!!!!!
Oh and I feel generally run down right now. I really am not enjoying the way my health takes my energy. I hope this passes soon.

So a couple of hourse reading and note taking. Then I will be off for a walk with Abigail. It is absolutely puring with rain and the roads around here are turning into rivers. All the water off the hilly fields crsses the roads on its way down into the valley. The water is either very red or very yellow. I wonder what minerals can be found in the earth around here. It's pretty as the coloured water finds its path down the roads. It's fipping dangerous though.
We dont have extremes of course like the disasters recently in Brisbane, Brazil and Sri Lanka to mention a few. But compared to other areas in SE England we do get some extremier conditions than some.
The joys of village living.

I am still wanting to isolate and so being stuck in this village it would be easy to simply disappear. However I have arranged for a walk with AB this afternoon and then after supper with her, GB and RB, Rb and I will go to a meeting.

Bliss
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