I really feel dreadful that anything about me has evoked any pain in JH.
I love him so very, very much.
He has asked for some patience. I can do that. I hear him when he says he has many things happening in his life right now.
I will not continue to heap more on top.
Universe I am in our hands.
Tonight I felt an enormous emptiness here and in my soul like something swooped away and in it's place a massive feeling of grief has moved in.
Nice, isn't it, Bliss? How you can always see the little girl or little boy in another, if you but look. And then how you can see that the mask they sometimes wear isn't to inspire your fear, but to hide their own.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...
The Universe
I see the little boy I think and I certainly feel the little girl and the masks - yes this means a lot.
the saddest Bliss
X
Feb2011
With JH I have felt anger. Anger in my hurt and differences between us. These last few days I have felt jealous - which is a form of anger and sadness. I am jealous that JH wants all these friendships with ex-lovers. He loves so many people. I have to keep grounding myself in reality. He and I are not together as lovers. Therefore whatever he does is OK. Whether he is telling me the truth or not, whoever he sees and develops relationships, whether he meets someone new or not, whatever he does is actually none of my business.
The things I like and love about him I still love and like. I would like to nurture that friendship. It is not an issue though. The feelings that arise, I have safe outlets to express them.
Talking with him sometimes when it's so nice and easy re-ignited hope for more with him. Yet the way things are is not what I want.
If I write this and he reads it, I think he will misunderstand this and I will drive him away. The reality is that something about the two of us just wasn't compatible. And here I am again writing the same thing. It's OK to keep writing the same thing as it's a part of the healing.
OK this is all too brief and not complete in its' explanation of myself BUT I need to get outta here - birthday pressie shopping and then off to the theatre.
Oh and it is nice to know that people find me attractive when I feel so unattractive especially with how things have been with JH. Not being wanted is how it feels as an entirety yet I know really that's not at all what it's about.
I love him so very, very much.
He has asked for some patience. I can do that. I hear him when he says he has many things happening in his life right now.
I will not continue to heap more on top.
Universe I am in our hands.
Tonight I felt an enormous emptiness here and in my soul like something swooped away and in it's place a massive feeling of grief has moved in.
Nice, isn't it, Bliss? How you can always see the little girl or little boy in another, if you but look. And then how you can see that the mask they sometimes wear isn't to inspire your fear, but to hide their own.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh...
The Universe
I see the little boy I think and I certainly feel the little girl and the masks - yes this means a lot.
the saddest Bliss
X
Feb2011
With JH I have felt anger. Anger in my hurt and differences between us. These last few days I have felt jealous - which is a form of anger and sadness. I am jealous that JH wants all these friendships with ex-lovers. He loves so many people. I have to keep grounding myself in reality. He and I are not together as lovers. Therefore whatever he does is OK. Whether he is telling me the truth or not, whoever he sees and develops relationships, whether he meets someone new or not, whatever he does is actually none of my business.
The things I like and love about him I still love and like. I would like to nurture that friendship. It is not an issue though. The feelings that arise, I have safe outlets to express them.
Talking with him sometimes when it's so nice and easy re-ignited hope for more with him. Yet the way things are is not what I want.
If I write this and he reads it, I think he will misunderstand this and I will drive him away. The reality is that something about the two of us just wasn't compatible. And here I am again writing the same thing. It's OK to keep writing the same thing as it's a part of the healing.
OK this is all too brief and not complete in its' explanation of myself BUT I need to get outta here - birthday pressie shopping and then off to the theatre.
Oh and it is nice to know that people find me attractive when I feel so unattractive especially with how things have been with JH. Not being wanted is how it feels as an entirety yet I know really that's not at all what it's about.
