dropping into intensity, What if?

Antares is the red super-giant star that is it's heart.

As the Alchemist knows
"As above so below
As below so above".

"We are one," says the Wizard.



Bliss, there is no detail so small, no thought however fleeting, no word unspoken, no deed mindlessly performed, that doesn't send its vibration into the unseen, reaching my heart of hearts, where it echoes and returns as more of the same.



And as your cumulative manifestations draw your attention to the stunning and absolute power you have over your destiny, you'll come to see that, really and truly, there's no such thing as a small detail.

You have the keys to the Kingdom...

The Universe
 
What if, Bliss, loneliness was simply a feeling of impatience, telepathically sent to you by friends you've yet to meet, urging you to go out more, do more, and get involved, so that life's serendipities could bring you together... Would you still feel alone?



What if illness was just the signal a healthy body sent to urge clarification of your thoughts, feelings, and dreams... Would you still, at times, think of yours as diseased?


What if feelings of uncertainty and confusion were only reminders that you have options, that there's no hurry, and that everything is as it should be... Would you still feel disadvantaged?


What if mistakes and failures only ever happened when your life was about to get better than it's ever been before... Would you still call them mistakes and failures?


And what if poverty and lack were simply demonstrations of your manifesting prowess, as "difficult" to acquire as wealth and abundance... Would they still cause you to feel powerless?

Well, whatever you feel, Bliss, I still consider you my only begotten, my champion, and my equal.

Are we close, or what?

The Universe

Sauerkraut and a cigar

Grr I really don't like the way the hormonal shifts affect my libido.
I actually feel ashamed and worthless as a woman let alone as a lsave, when my sensuality is so low. The odd thing I don't feel particularly attached to emotions. I feel flat if anything. Little seems to be exciting or even interesting. I know this will pass but bloody hell! Noone ever told me that being human was quite so bloody complicated.

Yesterday and this morning, E was talking about quite emotive matters. I could hear her loud and clear and was not in the least bit emoting. I listened calmly and without much reaction at all. I did feel very irritated actually this afternoon with A. It was the false conversation and the lack of honesty. Not a conscious decision but just fear driven to not be truly open. I did react to that. Quite crossly actually. I tried hard to keep my mouth shut as I was quite sharp tongued I think.

I wonder if anyone else notices these shifts in their emotions, their sensuality and sexiness? I wonder if people find a way to get beyond such shifts? Or is it something I just need to be patient with and let is pass naturally?

I feel that I let MAster down though. That's the hardest thing.

I want to be everything he needs me to be whenever he wants it. And I just feel unable. I am tired, I am lethargic. I am unsexy, I am lacking in enthusiasm. Poor Master.

I am very interested in what Master is doing.

Oh Gosh I was emotionally disturbed yesterday when I heardmasters  disappointment in me. I had entered SL - I was restless, irritable and discontent yesterday. I was fidgiting through life yesterday. I wanted something but nothing was doing it. I went into SL I think triggered by S's recent entry and the wow of the newness of it all. I wanted to just get PR alive again as if by doing that I might feel attached to life too. It was awful being there. I felt very uncomfortable as I suddenly thought that perhaps I was purely an addict with no strength of person and healthy will power at all. Anyway, I like to think I am more wholesome than purely addict and decided to elave again. I did not have any desire to explore further. I said hello to Y but found her to be exactly the same - nothing changing although she had started a course in RL. I am so restless that it sort of irritated me that people in SL aren't necessarily moving on through it.

Mmmm I am so restless generally. It's surely just something I need to patiently sit through. Please Universe may it pass soon - thank you.
Anyway Master had asked why I was absent from SL in the first place and why I would want to return. I had no answer to either question. This is how flipping detached from self I am. It's really, really horrid being so ...... I am not even sure how to describe how I am. And then Master asked how I would feel if he went to SL?
Again I am not sure. I would be worried that it would just be the satrt of many trips in. But then I have lost the purpose for not going in. If Master intends to go to SL then he will. I will surely feel insecure - my reason for going there was not to meet men. I wanted a little connection with S and to be taken away from this sense of nothingness I feel.

Well today I have been enjoying reading - fiction. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Mark Haddon.
An interesting read. And this has taken me away from the discontent within me. It is so strange reading a book where the narrator is actually devoid of emotions or able to have a sense of others minds. a young boy with autism. It's a unique experience for me. The way in which he says what he sees - yet does have reactions to events in very extreme ways. The events the he reacts to arouse emotion in me - well an awareness of an emotional response and yet he has more of a descriptive and physical reponse - to extreme at times.

I wonder how Mark Haddon has been able to write from the autistic viewpoint. He surely cannot be autistic can he? To have such awareness of emotive situations and events and interrelationships.

I like some of the psychological issues that are brought to the fore and see how the course I have completed is useful in so many ways. Pedagogy - - - - - - -

For anyone hoping to be titilated through reading this Blog - current sorry!

It's just not there - would love to receive any thoughts on this shift. Being of the age I am I doubt whether many readers os such Blogs would yet have experienced the monumentla hormones shifts I am going through. I HATE IT!!!! I want it to stop yet if it stops will suggest I am even older.

I reckon by the way I have about 14 or 15 years left to live - that's not long! Oh yes can get quite bleak in my thinkiong too. A move away from the hyper I was experiencing prior to this downward trend.

Even I can't keep up with me.

A nice walk in the rain. But boy I find the change in the clocks links in with the sky getting closer and the air feeling denser. I love the rain. I love walking in the rain and my hair getting wet. I like the cooler weather, even the cold. But I don;t like the air closing in on me. It can feel quite claustrophobic during the winter months.

Love the wintry weather. It's different in the mountains - snow and high skies. Wonder what it is about this country????


And of course adjusting today to the natrual changes in the day and the association with human time - it's just out of order and feels strange to me. I am very sensitive to this change - perhaps everyone is but I wonder if we stop to notice it and just work through it. Maybe it's only me who is so flipping overly sensitive to it and I have to notice every peculiar detail.

Moooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnning Minnie - that's me.


Please please please Universe can you help this phase and the symptoms to pass quickly. Or somehow show me how to be more accetpant and therefore find a more peaceful way to be as I am.
Reading has helped - thank you.


I am looking forward to speaking with Master and listening to the events of his weekend. Hear how he has felt over the weekend. Try to learn and undertand Master and the way he connects or not and interacts with the ways of the days and interrelating with people new to him and those who he has known for a very long time. He is a lovely man. I love him.

Right back to the Curious Incident - and yes it is curious. Life and everything is very curious.
Like it most when I see it as curious and an adventure.
Curiosity killed the cat! So rather than curious - what would be healthy?

Oh I want to moan again - skin is too tight for my innards at the moment - it hurts!
Bloody Bliss

XXXXXXXXX
he he he - no flipping serenity at all

God
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference.


It's Halloween - I like witches

B


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