First day or rather half day back at work.
I was anxious and excited .....
There were some lovely greetings, real welcomes. PD was very generous with his welcome. My manager and the HD were also very easy going and supportive. I managed to avoid secretary squeals. I know that's judgemental but somehow that's what it's like in my head when they are on the go :)
Then a somebody started telling me how I have been feeling and what I should be doing. I just went quiet despite them having asked me about me and not listening to the entire situation. Diagnosing me without having the experience to do so. I felt the anger in me rise. Internally I was critical of them and labelled them as very very controlling and directive. Anyway rather than react to all of that I just nodded, listened and smiled. This person would not hear if I told them how I was feeling because I felt unheard and dictated to. So it was best to let it go. When I enquired with a friend later on how they would deal with that they said they would compartmentalise them - when I asked what compartment they would put them in - they said the IGNORE box. This made m smile.
I forgot to ask anyone else after that.
I only worked until 2:30 and then went for my appointment with the psychiatrist. My first meeting with him. We went way over the allocated time - 2 hours!!! I was exhausted at the the end of the meeting. Squishing my life into hours and a lot of detail. Him delving into responses even deeper. Phew it was hard.
It was thorough. And he thinks he can help me. He is going to arrange some medication that might assist. I damn well hope it does. I am feeling so much better but I am scared now that I won't again. The thing is now I am scared that the medication will have an effect on my emotions. I do not want to not feel. I need to do some more research.
It's feeling like I am stuck between hell and high water.
Food plan on track
Recovery plan in order
Need sleep
Bliss
XX
I was anxious and excited .....
There were some lovely greetings, real welcomes. PD was very generous with his welcome. My manager and the HD were also very easy going and supportive. I managed to avoid secretary squeals. I know that's judgemental but somehow that's what it's like in my head when they are on the go :)
Then a somebody started telling me how I have been feeling and what I should be doing. I just went quiet despite them having asked me about me and not listening to the entire situation. Diagnosing me without having the experience to do so. I felt the anger in me rise. Internally I was critical of them and labelled them as very very controlling and directive. Anyway rather than react to all of that I just nodded, listened and smiled. This person would not hear if I told them how I was feeling because I felt unheard and dictated to. So it was best to let it go. When I enquired with a friend later on how they would deal with that they said they would compartmentalise them - when I asked what compartment they would put them in - they said the IGNORE box. This made m smile.
I forgot to ask anyone else after that.
I only worked until 2:30 and then went for my appointment with the psychiatrist. My first meeting with him. We went way over the allocated time - 2 hours!!! I was exhausted at the the end of the meeting. Squishing my life into hours and a lot of detail. Him delving into responses even deeper. Phew it was hard.
It was thorough. And he thinks he can help me. He is going to arrange some medication that might assist. I damn well hope it does. I am feeling so much better but I am scared now that I won't again. The thing is now I am scared that the medication will have an effect on my emotions. I do not want to not feel. I need to do some more research.
It's feeling like I am stuck between hell and high water.
Food plan on track
Recovery plan in order
Need sleep
Bliss
XX
