OMG! Help

Well my dad has called me back and really I wanted to tell him about my situation with the insurance. Especially now that I have learnt that all my money is being refunded but because I didn't provide full information at the time of my insurance request I have been refused completely.
I have had three accidents that were not my fault
20/05/2008 - payout £1000
08/08/2009 - no damage
12/10/2010 - payout £1000
NCD - 9 years protected

The cheapest quote now is £872 but on direct debit is £1047
This is all just so crazy. So I have a cover from today anyway. Phew. Paying by direct debit but I can settle this when I get the money back from RAC. I can then pay it off in one foul swoop.
I need more 1:1 work as I am in deparate need of money.
Hopefully Joan will be able to return the days that have been dedeucted from my pay due to my sickness.
Bloody hell so the money my dad gave to me has been eaten up and gone!
This has been horrid.

Now I have to update my driving licnence photo too. £20 for the privilege.

God I had a left itchy hand the other day and that means losing money. I have lost money had over fist the last few months.
Aaaaaargh. It's all so stressful. I get so sacred but I have to trust.
All will be OK if I simply trust. Everything has always worked out somehow.
I just have to stop spending now and be really cautious. I need to go out less. This month I have been out a lot and spent a lot of money in the process.
I need to be cautious.

Bliss
XX

mindfulness matters

The sun shines by day, the moon shines by night.
But, both all day and all night the Buddha shines in glorious splendour.
Dhammapada v.387

Ajahn Munindo says ...
Whever there is a well-established mindfulness, there is beauty, clarity and the possibility for deepening understanding. If there is constant mindfulness, there is constant clarity. All day and all night the heart of mindfulness shines in glorious splendour.

Mmmm mindfulness. I was not mindful yesterday and erally paying the price for it. I was not mindful of what I wanted and believing that I am worth asking for. And then not trusting that the outcome is the right one even if it was to go against my wants. And then even later in the day I was not mindful enough to say that I wanted to leave. I set no boundaries, instead listenting but worrying.
So I am feeling terrible about myself because of the way in which I handled the entire situation.
And today I decided to call my dad for Father's Day. That was OK. He was still in bed. Which is alarming as my dad never used to lie in. He would be up and out early in the morning. He claimed that the tablets cuase sleeplessness due to terrible cramps.
Then I called the RAC as I am awaiting a refund of £362 (ish). I then realised that I do not have the paperwork for the new motor insurance. I have paid out an additional £558 for this. So the RAC have all this mney of mine and it seems I am not insured. I am very scared!
A very helpful Customer Services person called Rachel is supposedly trying to help me with this but my phone cut off and I am trying to get back to her via Abid who was completely misunderstanding the entire situation. Eventually I was able to to get across that I need to speak to Rachel. I am now sitting wiaiting for her to call me back but worried that she won't. How long do I leave it?
Now this problem is due to my lack of mindfulness from the off-set. When I first made enquiries about renewing my policy I moved from AA to RAC to try and save money. But it seems I did not provide correct information which invalidated my insurance. OK I did not intentionally misinform and had to take that rap although I was very angry and mistrusting. So i arranged for the invalidated cover to be refunded - this was 4th May and still has not been refunded. In the same call I took out a new cover £558. I have not received paperwork. My lack of attention to detail and preparedness to chase has resulted in today discovering that for some reason the new policy has been cancelled (but never refunded also). So I thought I was covered,  £900 ish down in money and no one seems to know whats going on.
Ok I am holding again for Rachel ...... aaaaargh!
It is my fault sure but also there is responsibility surely for incompetency on their part. The only person who suffers in every way - time, financially and growing telephone charhes is me! Service is pretty poor. Is it better with a personlised Broker and avoid these big call centre style Brokers? They charge even more don't they? Are they more efficient?
So now I also have the issue that an insurance has been refused.

Furthermore I am stressed and also not studying.

All round and for moments of pleasure or reward, only I am feeling incredibly stressed adding to a sense of how useless I am and thereby hopeless.

I feel like


Bliss
xx