Another beautiful sunset and a FULL moon to follow it up. Not to mention the incredible blueness - with the sun just below the horizon, the sky the last two evenings has been an incredible shade of blue velvet green. My camera just cannot capture it. What kind of camera do I need to really be able to capture the colours that I am so lucky to see.
Just came across this photo and loved it! Wanted to keep it so I have. :)
A busy day at work - a wonderful walk with a friend. Oh the famous unfriend is in reference to seeing a person I once used to know. She is a very famous actress. World renowned. She and I spent some very raucous times together. I saw her this evening whilst walking with AB. I said hello. She was very gracious as always and lovely. I don't think she is in the head space to reignite the friendship and that's absolutely OK. It was just nice to see her and I am glad I stopped to say hello.
It was great to be able to walk with LouLou too. Stitches out!!!!! How sad though whilst at the vets. A woman came out really crying. Her dog had just been put to sleep. Now LouLou is very reserved with strangers. She gives little of herself unless she really knows someone. But this lady came over and LouLou gave her lots of kisses. Sensitive. The lady thanked her. I just hate the idea of having to do what she had just done.
A nice talk with JM this evening. Goddamn the bloody GP's who insensitively dish out pills that are flipping well addictive. And worse still they do not warn people! JM has been taking 6 or more Trammies a day. Opiates! And contacted me in panic as she is having withdrawals. Quite serious withdrawals. I was able to allay some of her fears and made some suggestions to get some help and relief. Despite my best advice, JM is determined to go cold turkey. It won't do any long term damage necessarily but it can be difficult and result in going back to the pills to relieve the symptoms. Poo to GP's not being more responsible.
Thank goodness I am off now for 2 1/2 days. And one more week then I am off for an entire week. I really need it. I am burnt out. Today was a little easier as I have had time out of group for the last few days doing PD's work. But even so I left this afternoon and felt completely drained.
I am messing up with my diary as well. I am double booking things and am completely forgetful. I am not getting chores done and some of them are admin things that need urgent attention. Poo.
At least my mood is a little lifted. Things are not quite so bleak this evening. But my mind is chaotic and "uncalm"
Oh and Goddamn CY. Funny but also not - texts at silly hours of the morning. I feel pleased that I am respectful of myself and not entertaining inappropriateness from anyone. I turned my phone off. This morning I had to laugh at the texts sent but still glad not to enter into the madness.
I do not want crumbs and to ensure that I don't get crumbs I need to make sure that I have the courage not to accept less!
I miss JH - a week without contact. I don't miss the way I was feeling. I don't miss the messiness. I miss the lovely things and the fun. I know the pain will be getting easier and easier and healing. It's a deep wound.
I did hope that he is making changes. That he doesn't utilise contacts with women and ruin any chance of discovering the love he feels with ES. I feel sad and angry still that he fell out of love with her then met me then fell out of love with me and re-met her. Along the way there have been women he has loved or wondered about. I hope he does not continue to behave in this way with ES if she does not want that kind of relationship. Instead better to meet women that are OK and comfortable with that way of being. And not need to lie or hurt someone who wants something with more commitment - or trigger insecurities so that it ends up being awkward. There is room for everyone's wants and needs to be met and there is not a right way or a wrong way. It's just about making sure everyone is fully aware and making fully informed choices. In that way no one has to be fooled.
Dan Flavin - that was the other artist I saw - Serpentine Gallery - I can't remember which year - it must have been around 2000 I think.
It was the first time I had seen anything like this. I was both entertained and bemused. The wall of green really captivated me. It was quite a powerful force as a first encounter. I walked into the room and it hit me. It seemed so solid. The green sort of fused together in it's glow in the gaps. The gaps were filled in a solidness even though I knew differently. No heat of course but a real glow. And then the tubes of light leaning against the corner, light being diffused via the white walls. Oh and the blue room/tunnel. That was strange to walk through. People seemed to disappear and get smaller as the blue light swallowed them up. I walked through and felt consumed by the blue. I liked the sensation even though it was all a strange non-visual visual sensation. I walked through again. And it was right next to lots of yellow!!
My tootsies are soooooo cold. Whilst the sun is shining during the days recently, there is a real chill by sunset time. And my car this morning was completely iced over by Jack Frost
Bliss
XX
