Friday 26 August 2011
Who am I to reason why? Help me underdstand please
Please help my cousin! It is so horrid for her. Is it that she is fighting the inevitable too hard that it is being made so worse for her? But fighters often pull through. I don't understand??
Today is the first day I have attached with the emotion around all of this. I have felt for them but I have kept it so separate. And suddenly gush. It's so unfair and unkind and the pain I am witnessing - all of the close family. Bloody hell it really doesn't make sense.
Is it weird to say that I would willingly swap if she could have happy loving time with her family, her little girls. It says to me I don;t give great value to my own life. I never have I suppose.
They say be careful what you wish for. I am just praying ever so ever so hard that by some miracle she recovers. It doesn't sound at all good right now.
Is it Karma or is it just the way it is? I cannot believe she is being punished, she is a good person. Is it because she's needed in Heaven? I don't believe in that either.
It's all too much bigger than little me. Who am I to reason why?
Bliss :(
XX
Today is the first day I have attached with the emotion around all of this. I have felt for them but I have kept it so separate. And suddenly gush. It's so unfair and unkind and the pain I am witnessing - all of the close family. Bloody hell it really doesn't make sense.
Is it weird to say that I would willingly swap if she could have happy loving time with her family, her little girls. It says to me I don;t give great value to my own life. I never have I suppose.
They say be careful what you wish for. I am just praying ever so ever so hard that by some miracle she recovers. It doesn't sound at all good right now.
Is it Karma or is it just the way it is? I cannot believe she is being punished, she is a good person. Is it because she's needed in Heaven? I don't believe in that either.
It's all too much bigger than little me. Who am I to reason why?
Bliss :(
XX
A bit twee
http://www.douglasrobertson.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=frontpage&Itemid=28
Some of the concepts I really like
Bliss
XX
Some of the concepts I really like
Bliss
XX
Nothing and noone disappoints anymore.
When you hear words that hurt, distract, or disappoint, Bliss, at minimum, a silent whisper of gratitude is due the soul who unwittingly risked friendship with a spiritual giant, so that you might sooner understand that words needn't ever hurt, distract, or disappoint.
Tallyho,
The Universe
So long as at first the emotions can be acknowledged and worked through. However the wiser the quicker the processing - the pain lessens in intensity then as the time being in it is shorter.
I am realy feeling the words of the Buddhists ......
Yup! Just for today I have clarity and contentment with this thought.
I even experienced it when thinking that a very very good friend of mine seems to be distancing. I have thoughts about her demeanour but it is actually none of my business unless she makes it my business or asks my opinion.
However I have observed myself in this. I feel fear and disappointment. I noticed how I say that she is withdrawing from me or doesn't trust me. Actually this is how it seems to me but is it actually what's happenening? And even if it is as my very good friend I can be acceptant of that. My disappoint is actually uite nice as it shows how much I value her. And as such I can just be along her journey for as long as we both want to make that work. If for any reason she or I divert off then I would feel great loss but right now she is there and as close as is comfortable for her and I can manage myself within that. It is how it is. I mentioned to her that I was feeling a degree of fear that she is withdrawing and she said not. I thught it was quite defensive and then in a light way putting it on me. But I smiled at that too and observed myself becoming defensive and how that becomes argumentative. Instead I agreed that yes maybe those were the reasons why without taking it on as my fault. That's new!
And on reflection I can oberve myself further. She is a good friend and she is how she is. I feel very able to me with her and we enjoy similar things and bring new things to each other too.
There's a lot to be rejoiced. And actually nothing to agonise over. I state her value to me and tell her I love her and how I enjoy being with her. That's all I need to do because its my truth.
Bliss
XX
I just read this ...
Like many of us, when I had my first taste of monstrous fear and anxiety, I began to read self help books. I took momentary soothing from these books, and at the time they enabled me to calm the storm of these serious life threatening emotions. But despite numerous searchings, and reading tons of these in vain, my fear still haunted and goaded me. In some ways I liken these books to my spiritual ‘O’ Levels as some of the basics were absorbed and have stayed with me ever since. Probably the best example of this would be in M Scott Peck’s ‘The Road Less Travelled’ when Mr. Peck states; “Life is hard”. That teaching is still very much with me on my personal journey.
The ‘self help’ industry is a multi million pound industry, and because the basic nature of ‘us’ wanting a quick fix, this is exactly why it is thriving. These books will not tell you to hold onto pain, they will advise you to skip over it or through it. It makes more sense to invite in what you usually avoid. For me these lessons were never born through books but were arrived at through legitimate suffering as I stayed with my fear and pain whenever I could manage to. Of course fear still grabs me by the throat but starting with the body I try to relax into it and know it for what is is, an emotion and a reaction to a conditioned thought of; ’this may happen to you’! And what, ‘may happen to me’ … ‘The Truth’, thats what will happen. This is the false self or ego’s worst scenario because then it would loose control of ‘itself’.
I had always thought of myself as someone who is kind, flexible and loving but when confronted with this illusion I realised that I am not perfect and if I am not perfect I am continually letting myself down. I constantly invested into an image of myself that I could not live up to. When this was exposed to me, mainly with the help of therapy, I felt as if there was nothing, absolutely nothing, and at times I felt as if I was going to fall off the end of the world. If I didn’t have a story to cling to anymore, then who was I?
Currently I find myself between two schools of thought, one of Psychotherapy and one of Buddhism as they have so much in common. The problem is, as the title of this piece suggests, if ‘I think I’m a Buddhist’ isn’t that too a statement of ‘I’ and one of a fixed thought.. that ‘I’ am somebody.
Bomb’s keep continually dropping.
Being conscious is what is required and we need to be shown how to do this.
Bliss
XX
Tallyho,
The Universe
So long as at first the emotions can be acknowledged and worked through. However the wiser the quicker the processing - the pain lessens in intensity then as the time being in it is shorter.
I am realy feeling the words of the Buddhists ......
Yup! Just for today I have clarity and contentment with this thought.
I even experienced it when thinking that a very very good friend of mine seems to be distancing. I have thoughts about her demeanour but it is actually none of my business unless she makes it my business or asks my opinion.
However I have observed myself in this. I feel fear and disappointment. I noticed how I say that she is withdrawing from me or doesn't trust me. Actually this is how it seems to me but is it actually what's happenening? And even if it is as my very good friend I can be acceptant of that. My disappoint is actually uite nice as it shows how much I value her. And as such I can just be along her journey for as long as we both want to make that work. If for any reason she or I divert off then I would feel great loss but right now she is there and as close as is comfortable for her and I can manage myself within that. It is how it is. I mentioned to her that I was feeling a degree of fear that she is withdrawing and she said not. I thught it was quite defensive and then in a light way putting it on me. But I smiled at that too and observed myself becoming defensive and how that becomes argumentative. Instead I agreed that yes maybe those were the reasons why without taking it on as my fault. That's new!
And on reflection I can oberve myself further. She is a good friend and she is how she is. I feel very able to me with her and we enjoy similar things and bring new things to each other too.
There's a lot to be rejoiced. And actually nothing to agonise over. I state her value to me and tell her I love her and how I enjoy being with her. That's all I need to do because its my truth.
Bliss
XX
I just read this ...
Like many of us, when I had my first taste of monstrous fear and anxiety, I began to read self help books. I took momentary soothing from these books, and at the time they enabled me to calm the storm of these serious life threatening emotions. But despite numerous searchings, and reading tons of these in vain, my fear still haunted and goaded me. In some ways I liken these books to my spiritual ‘O’ Levels as some of the basics were absorbed and have stayed with me ever since. Probably the best example of this would be in M Scott Peck’s ‘The Road Less Travelled’ when Mr. Peck states; “Life is hard”. That teaching is still very much with me on my personal journey.
The ‘self help’ industry is a multi million pound industry, and because the basic nature of ‘us’ wanting a quick fix, this is exactly why it is thriving. These books will not tell you to hold onto pain, they will advise you to skip over it or through it. It makes more sense to invite in what you usually avoid. For me these lessons were never born through books but were arrived at through legitimate suffering as I stayed with my fear and pain whenever I could manage to. Of course fear still grabs me by the throat but starting with the body I try to relax into it and know it for what is is, an emotion and a reaction to a conditioned thought of; ’this may happen to you’! And what, ‘may happen to me’ … ‘The Truth’, thats what will happen. This is the false self or ego’s worst scenario because then it would loose control of ‘itself’.
I had always thought of myself as someone who is kind, flexible and loving but when confronted with this illusion I realised that I am not perfect and if I am not perfect I am continually letting myself down. I constantly invested into an image of myself that I could not live up to. When this was exposed to me, mainly with the help of therapy, I felt as if there was nothing, absolutely nothing, and at times I felt as if I was going to fall off the end of the world. If I didn’t have a story to cling to anymore, then who was I?
Currently I find myself between two schools of thought, one of Psychotherapy and one of Buddhism as they have so much in common. The problem is, as the title of this piece suggests, if ‘I think I’m a Buddhist’ isn’t that too a statement of ‘I’ and one of a fixed thought.. that ‘I’ am somebody.
Bomb’s keep continually dropping.
Being conscious is what is required and we need to be shown how to do this.
Bliss
XX
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