Monday, 13 December 2010

Vacuuuuuuuummmm

The designer sucker has arrrived!!

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Friends

Tarantella


Do you remember an Inn,
Miranda?
Do you remember an Inn?
And the tedding and the spreading
Of the straw for a bedding,
And the fleas that tease in the High Pyrenees,
And the wine that tasted of tar?
And the cheers and the jeers of the young muleteers
(Under the vine of the dark veranda)?
Do you remember an Inn, Miranda,
Do you remember an Inn?
And the cheers and the jeers of the young muleteers
Who hadn't got a penny,
And who weren't paying any,
And the hammer at the doors and the din?
And the hip! hop! hap!
Of the clap
Of the hands to the swirl and the twirl
Of the girl gone chancing,
Glancing,
Dancing,
Backing and advancing,
Snapping of the clapper to the spin
Out and in--
And the ting, tong, tang of the guitar!
Do you remember an Inn,
Miranda?
Do you remember an Inn?
Never more;
Miranda,
Never more.
Only the high peaks hoar;
And Aragon a torrent at the door.
No sound
In the walls of the halls where falls
The tread
Of the feet of the dead to the ground,
No sound:
But the boom
Of the far waterfall like doom.

Hilaire Belloc



For Annie by Edgar Allan Poe


Thank Heaven! the crisis-
The danger is past,
And the lingering illness
Is over at last-
And the fever called "Living"
Is conquered at last.
Sadly, I know
I am shorn of my strength,
And no muscle I move
As I lie at full length-
But no matter!-I feel
I am better at length.

And I rest so composedly,
Now, in my bed
That any beholder
Might fancy me dead-
Might start at beholding me,
Thinking me dead.

The moaning and groaning,
The sighing and sobbing,
Are quieted now,
With that horrible throbbing
At heart:- ah, that horrible,
Horrible throbbing!

The sickness- the nausea-
The pitiless pain-
Have ceased, with the fever
That maddened my brain-
With the fever called "Living"
That burned in my brain.

And oh! of all tortures
That torture the worst
Has abated- the terrible
Torture of thirst

For the naphthaline river
Of Passion accurst:-
I have drunk of a water
That quenches all thirst:-

Of a water that flows,
With a lullaby sound,
From a spring but a very few
Feet under ground-
From a cavern not very far
Down under ground.

And ah! let it never
Be foolishly said
That my room it is gloomy
And narrow my bed;
For man never slept
In a different bed-
And, to sleep, you must slumber
In just such a bed.

My tantalized spirit
Here blandly reposes,
Forgetting, or never
Regretting its roses-
Its old agitations
Of myrtles and roses:

For now, while so quietly
Lying, it fancies
A holier odor
About it, of pansies-
A rosemary odor,
Commingled with pansies-
With rue and the beautiful
Puritan pansies.

And so it lies happily,
Bathing in many
A dream of the truth
And the beauty of Annie-
Drowned in a bath
Of the tresses of Annie.

She tenderly kissed me,
She fondly caressed,
And then I fell gently
To sleep on her breast-
Deeply to sleep
From the heaven of her breast.

When the light was extinguished,
She covered me warm,
And she prayed to the angels
To keep me from harm-
To the queen of the angels
To shield me from harm.

And I lie so composedly,
Now, in my bed,
(Knowing her love)
That you fancy me dead-
And I rest so contentedly,
Now, in my bed,
(With her love at my breast)
That you fancy me dead-
That you shudder to look at me,
Thinking me dead.
But my heart it is brighter
Than all of the many
Stars in the sky,
For it sparkles with Annie-
It glows with the light
Of the love of my Annie-
With the thought of the light
Of the eyes of my Annie.

Ballad of the Morning After - what's your interpretation?

by Carol Rumens

Take back the festive midnight,
Take back the sad-eyed dawn:
Wind up that old work ethic.
Oh let me be unborn.
After a night of travelling,
How can it come to pass
That there’s the same tongue in my mouth
The same face in my glass,
Same light on the curtain,
Same thirst in the cup,
Same ridiculous notion
Of never getting up?
Cars stream above the city;
The subway throbs below,
Whirling a million faces
Like shapeless scraps of snow,
And all these melting faces
Flying below and above
Think they are loved especially
Think they especially love.
This is a free country.
The jails are for the bad:
The only British dissidents
Are either poor or mad.
I put my classless jeans on,
Open my lockless door;
I breathe the air of freedom
And know I’m mad and poor.
Love is the creed I grew by,
Love is the liberal’s drug –
Not Agape, but Eros
With his Utopian hug
And in the close, supportive,
Environment of the bed,
He is liberty, equality,
Fraternity and bread.
That is the supposition –
But I say love’s a joke,
A here-today-and-gone-tomorrow
Childish pinch-and-poke.
Perhaps I’ll believe in something
Like God or Politics;
I’d build those temples wider
But there are no more bricks.
Some women believe in sisterhood;
They’ve rowed the Master’s ship
Across the lustful silver sea
On his last ego-trip,
And some believe in Housework,
And a few believe in Man.
There’s only one man that I want,
And I want him again and again.
He sat down at my table.
He finished all the wine.
‘You’re nothing, dear, to me,’ he said,
But his body covered mine,
And stoked the fiery sickness
That’s done me to a turn –
The fool that chose to marry
And also chose to burn.
Burning burning burning
I came to self-abuse,
Hoping I’d go blind, but no,
It wasn’t any use.
I see a mother and her child
Both turn with starving face.
And that’s the story of our lives,
The whole damned human race.
My conscience is a hangover,
My sex life, chemistry;
My values are statistics,
My opinions, PMT.
Beside my rented window
I listen to the rain.
Yes, love’s a ball of iron,
And time, its short, sharp chain.
The middle-aged say life’s too brief.
The old and young say ‘wrong’.
I’ll tell you, if you don’t like life,
It’s every day too long.

Interesting writer. As I was reading it (and relating) I was admiring how she writes revealing herself in this way.
In the first lines I related in the way of waking from a night of hedonism and the headache or rather the lethargy with the day already moving about me. Sounds of people doing what they do every fay and I ought to be doing be feeling just too hungover.
Memories not yet engaging just the sense of it having been a heavy night. And that in itself being the reminder that there will be things to remember - oh God!

Kiss

 Edvard Munch



 Rodin





 Gustav Klimt

Roy Lichenstein

 Edvard Munch



 Alfred Eisenstaedt

 Egon Schiele

 Brancusi



 Rubi Kahn


 Henri de Toulous-Lautrec

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Untrammelled Greed - spend spend spend

My relationship with money and the responsibility of financial management - not good!

Actually I would not have said that I was greedy and that that wasn't hindered. The opposite really. Money has always run through my fingers like water.
I have had a lot and then none and then a lot again and then none and so on. Or rather access to a lot and the potential to save or invest. I have owned properties and walked away from them. I have had THINGS, and left them. They have always seemed important at the time I wanted to buy them. Or if I was in a relationship and the other person thought they were important. Yet I always wanted to be able to leave with a bag. And have.
At the cost of leaving everything behind.
It is true to say that possessions and trappings as I call them are simply that - they are the trammelling. But perhaps my untrammelled greed relates to wanting to be light, without responsibility.
It's not a matter about being frivolous although I have been as well. It's a matter of it not mattering so much. What mattered most always was my freedom - no shackles. I could see that the way this society works is that money needs to be accumulated to eventually be able to buy ones freedom. But the cost in the meantime was too dear it seemed.
And of course I am paying for it now.
Rented social housing. Which if this Government has it's way will maybe change sometime in the future. Grrrrrr. And a job that just about covers costs. There is the potential to earn more of course. And actually now I am more able to as I don't want to be running around the world like I used to. Mmmmm interesting, that now I am in less of a hurry and more content standing still so can work more and am doing a job that might allow for that.
Well maybe it's all been suiting the person I am all along. I just have to accept that I am not in a position financially to have all the things I might want for now. It's harder as I don't earn like I used to. I would spend but there would always be more coming the next month. Now I barely spend and the next lot is there to pay the bills.
I d get scared these days about money. Of course I never used to. I took it for granted I suppose. And of course my mum was always a fallback. Not for money but for a base. I was never homeless all the time my mum was alive. Now there is only where I am and that's scary.
I am responsible for me. My mum was my enabler in that sense.
The odd thing is that as much as I fear financial insecurity I also have some faith that everything will be OK. I don;t have grand wants or needs so that helps. But I do need the basic roof over my head and a bed so that can raise my fear.
Then I see someone like JB. Gosh his relationship with money is ugly to me. He is mean in my opinion. He makes money but he won;t spend it. On the other hand if anyone needed a loan he would happily lend but with the normal rate of interest and so on. He will always make money because he rarely spends any and never ever gives anything away for nothing. However he has asked me to be Executor to his will and said he will leave me a little something. That's remarkable and I am honoured.
ML is very secretive about money. I have never been allowed to know how much or little she has. It;s her business of course but it is very sort of closeted. She was very helpful when I needed a bridging loan of 2 months. She was very anxious I think lending me the money thinking that she would not see it back. I don;t know that for sure but I really felt her willingness to help but then her reluctance on something as well. I was able to repay her much sooner than she expected.
Uhm who else? ET just wants money. She wants to be rich and spends like she is. She over spends. And AM too. They are both incredible spenders. Anyone would think they are rich to see the way they love but I know they get into very difficult financial situations - frighteningly so. I know they worry but then spend to alleviate the worry.
I did over spend a couple of times and know how terrifying it was. My mum helped me which I paid back and then another time i turned to resourceful me and got myself clear of debt and beyond.
Yes an odd relationship with money.
I am not sure what JH's relationship with money is I will have to ask him.  He seems relaxed about it. And certainly has been incredibly generous. I never thought for a minute that I would borrow money. He keeps trying to help allay my embarrassment ad difficulty by reminding me that he invited me. I am repeating it to try and remind myself that it is OK to accept the offer. An offer is the responsibility of someone else. I do not need to take on responsibility for their offer. I just have to decide whether to accept or decline.
And then arrange a pay back provision. For my own dignity.
I would never have the courage to ask for a loan like this.
I have had the courage to accept though. I this humbling or humiliating???

Bliss
XX

Spending

OK I have ordered the Dyson Animal vacuum - bloody expensive - £223. I can;t really afford it but damn I need a vacuum that actually vacuums!!! Let's hope that Mr Dyson relly means what he says on the packet.
Dyson DC32 Animal Full-Size Cylinder Vacuum Cleaner Engineered F



I have finalised my degree course registration and sent the payment off. SD226 Biological Psychology
What you will study


You will learn how to formulate hypotheses; plan and carry out investigations; and manipulate the resulting data. You will also be expected to carry out an investigation of your own. The course develops your written presentation skills, and your ability to understand and interpret current findings in biological psychology.

The course will enable you to:
•acquire a core of basic knowledge concerning neuroscience and biological perspectives on psychology, which will allow you to proceed to a detailed interdisciplinary study of important topics in this area
•appreciate the implications for human health of factors affecting behaviour and the nervous system, and how the study of disease has helped in the study of normal physiological and psychological phenomena
•understand the conceptual context of the study of the brain and behavioural sciences
•integrate information from a variety of sources
•plan, conduct, analyse and report biological investigations
•develop skills in scientific communication, handling data and retrieving information.
The course is presented in six books, some accompanied by CD material. A Study Guide and Glossary provides guidance on studying the study materials.

Book 1 From Cells to Consciousness begins with an introduction to the course, explaining both its approach and its scope. This leads into an examination of nervous systems, in particular the human nervous system, its organisation and the various different types of cell within it. There is then a discussion of the phenomenon of consciousness.

Book 2 Beyond Reasonable Doubt is a guide to designing experiments in the behavioural sciences. More specifically, it provides a background to the experiments that are undertaken in the investigative strand of the course.

Book 3 Exploring the Brain starts with some basic cell biology. It then proceeds with a survey of the many techniques used to study nervous systems and the brain. It ends with a study of how genes and the environment, nature and nurture, work together in the development of the human nervous system, in particular during the period from conception to birth, to make each of us unique.

Book 4 From Neurons to Behaviour begins by examining how the cells in the nervous system communicate with each other; and how networks of such cells receive, process and communicate information. This leads in to an examination of how information is processed in the human nervous system and in the control of movement.

Book 5 Learning and Language is in two parts. The first is an examination of the neurobiological basis of learning and memory. This includes a discussion of how both are affected by the external and the internal environment. The second part of the book addresses the linked topics of hearing, speech and language.

Book 6 Emotions and Mind begins with a discussion of the topics of motivation and emotion: what are they and what is their neurobiological basis? This leads on to a study of schizophrenia; its biology, its causes, and its treatment. The course ends with a brief return to the phenomenon of consciousness, which was first discussed in Book 1.





Flights are booked and paid for to Atlanta and JH is lending me the money - Such a generous thing to do for me.
Insurance bought
- now I just need a windfall
Need to get some presents for Christmas gifts - everyone will be getting cheaper presents this year.
Well got a few pressies - I am not very good at buying presents under pressure like this. If only we could just buy presents through the year when we see somethign and give it there and then.
I see thigns and forget later what idea I had. I am not good at this stuff.

I have no money and have just spent loads. Damn!!

Bliss
xx

I have a funny thing with money - will try and write more when back from the bank.

Georgia on my mind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thls_tMuFkc
Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind
Talkin' 'bout Georgia
I'm in Georgia
A song of you
Comes as sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines
Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you
Georgia, sweet Georgia, no peace I find
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind
Other arms reach out to me
Other eyes smile tenderly
Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back
It always leads back to you
I'm in Georgia, Georgia, sweet Georgia
No peace, no peace I find
Just this old, sweet song
Keeps Georgia forever on my mind
Just an old sweet, sweet song
Keeps Georgia forever on my mind


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrrqcKtdPto&feature=related
Rainy Night In Georgia sung by Randy Crawford


Opening up my suitcase
Trying to find a warm place
To spend the night
Heavy rains are falling
Seems I hear your voice calling
Alright
A rainy night in georgia
A rainy night in georgia
I believe that it's raining all over the world
I feel that it's raining all over the world
Neon signs are flashing
Taxis, cabs and buses passing
Through the night
A distant moment of the train
Seems to play a sad refrain
To the night
A rainy night in Georgia
Such a rainy night in Georgia
I believe that it's raining all over the world
I feel like it's been raining all over the world
How many times I've wondered
It still comes out the same
No matter how you look at it often
It's life and we've just got to play the game
I shake the rain from my sweater
take out your letters to pass some time
last it night when its time to rest
i hold your pictures to my breast
and I feel fine, fine
It's a rainy night in Georgia
Such a rainy night in Georgia
I feel that it's raining all over the world
Lord I feel like it's raining all over the world
Rainy night
Such a rainy night
It still comes out the same




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAExrFCVVT0


DL11
Departing: Sat 09:15 Terminal N London Gatwick Apt (LGW),London, United Kingdom
Arriving: Sat 13:55 Terminal S, Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Intl Apt (ATL), Atlanta, United States

Sat 15Jan ATLANTA hostel +14048759449

Sun 16Jan Hostel in the Forest Brunswick
Mon 17Jan Hostel in the Forest Brunswick
Tue 18Jan Hostel in the Forest Brunswick info@foresthostel.com
 tel:912-264-9738 http://www.foresthostel.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/57328809@N00/

'Bamboo'


Wed 19 Jan Savannah: 78 miles (1,5 hrs)

Wed 19 Jan Charleston, SC 116 miles (2 hrs 15 mins)
Notso Hostel, 156 Spring St. Charleston, SC 29403 main tel: 843-722-8383



Thurs 20Jan Asheville, NC
Fri 21Jan Asheville

Bon Paul & Sharkey's, 816 Haywood Road, Asheville, NC 28806 phone +18283509929



Sat 22Jan Atlanta 207 miles (4 hours) (arrive 14:00!)
DL12
Departing: Sat 17:30 Terminal S Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Intl Apt (ATL),Atlanta, United States
Arriving: Sun 07:00 Terminal N, London Gatwick Apt (LGW), London, United Kingdom
 
Gosh I can't believe I actually booked the flights. And the only reason I can is because JH has offered to assist me financially and lend me the money. I feel incredibly disappointed in myself of my financial situaion.
Costs are increasing and I have some necessities to have to pay out for that have been now accounting for the money  have been saving.
I feel aggrieved that the extra work I have been doing to earn extra money is now being taken up with rapidly incresaing costs in this country. It is frightening actually.
And tehn I will be startiny my course on 5th Feb - just a couple of weeks after getting back so I will need to start doing some reading in preparation very soon.
How exciting -also how worrying - clothes and damn just about a month before we go.
Let's hope we remain friends at the very least :)
 
JH has an interesting road trip planned out - and I will do some reading too to see if there are thigns along the way that would be particularly interesting to me.
 
How very exciting!!
Bliss
XX