Elvis gets it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3aD5alrJ78

There was a house half way round the world
And I was invited in for a small taste of gin
There was a hall with a thousand birds long
But the biggest one of them all was in a cage too small

I asked the caretaker 'cause he was the Maker
He looked at me and laughed, took another sip from his glass and said
Open up your ears and hearts
You put a big bird in a small cage and he'll sing you a song
That we all love to sing along
To the sound of the bird that mourns

Well we rolled into town into sweet New Orleans
To the Apple Bell bar there was a hole in the wall
The ceilings weren't tall, the floors weren't grand
But the sound they made just warmed your heart

Well it was a quarter to twelve when the boys walked in
They got their black suits on and the songs would begin
You open up your ears and hearts
You put a big bird in a small cage and he'll sing you a song
That we all love to sing along
To the sound of the bird that mourns
You put a big bird in a small cage and he'll sing you a song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC7JUzrcw4E&feature=related




Can't you see
I love you
Please don't break my heart in two
That's not hard to do
'Cause I don't have a wooden heart
And if you say goodbye
Then I know that I would cry
Maybe I would die
'Cause I don't have a wooden heart
There's no strings upon this love of mine
It was always you from the start
Treat me nice
Treat me good
Treat me like you really should
'Cause I'm not made of wood
And I don't have a wooden heart

Muss i denn, muss i denn
Zum Stadtele hinaus
Stadtele hinaus
Und du, mein schat, bleibst hier?

There's no strings upon this love of mine
It was always you from the start
Sei mir gut
Sei mir gut
Sei mir wie du wirklich sollst
Wie du wirklich sollst
'Cause I don't have a wooden heart

The Marvellous Matter of Discovery

Born Edward James Muggeridge, April 9, 1830(1830-04-09), Kingston upon Thames, England, Died May 8, 1904 (aged 74), Kingston upon Thames, Resting place Woking, Occupation Photographer
Muybridge's The Horse in Motion
A set of Muybridge's photos in motion. Eadweard J. Muybridge (April 9, 1830 - May 8, 1904) was an English photographer, known primarily for his early use of multiple cameras to capture motion, and his zoopraxiscope, a device for projecting motion pictures that pre-dated the celluloid film strip that is still used today.

In 1874, while living in the San Francisco Bay Area, Muybridge discovered that his wife had a lover, a Major Harry Larkyns. On October 17, 1874, he sought out Larkyns; said, "Good evening, Major, my name is Muybridge and here is the answer to the letter you sent my wife"; he then killed the Major with a gunshot.
Muybridge believed Larkyns to be his son’s true father, although, as an adult, he bore a remarkable resemblance to Muybridge. He was put on trial for murder, but was acquitted as a "justifiable homicide." The inquiry interrupted his horse photography experiment, but not his relationship with Stanford, who paid for his criminal defense.
An interesting aspect of Muybridge’s defense was a plea of insanity due to a head injury Muybridge sustained following his stagecoach accident. Friends testified that the accident dramatically changed Muybridge’s personality from genial and pleasant to unstable and erratic. Although the jury dismissed the insanity plea, it is not unlikely that Muybridge did experience emotional changes due to brain damage in the frontal cortex, often associated with traumatic head injuries

Bliss
XX
 
Who's been to Uni today?

The spirit of bear and deer

http://animalspiritdance.info/

What? Not the centre of everyone's Universe!!!!!!!!

This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~George Bernard Shaw

Sleeping wake, waking sleep

Cave art erotica
Well why not?







That's it! I have finished work and whatever isn't done now, well it's too late. It was a stressful day and full of a lot of therapy at the same time as all the flipping management things. I explained several times to the management about the situation, especially with increasing numbers and he said "well there's nothing anyone can do". I said "well I am just telling you the situation so that you are fully informed". Turd!
And things that really he as manager should have been doing, I was flipping well being asked to do. Double turd!
And then he left, Triple turd!
Well now I am off and of course anything that goes wrong is bound to fall upon the fall guy me. I am frustrated with no one but myself because it's me who just doesn't leave it undone. I could have just got on with other stuff and not stepped in. So I enable the situation. It would just be nice if it really was appreciated at some point. My parting email was a reminder about my request for increase in salary and at least some money for the extra hours I have put in this week.
Well if I don't ask it has little worth really.

And now I truly m away for a week. Tomorrow at Uni, and then off over the waters he he he. And a trip to the IOW Grand National for a picnic. And then I have to study Sunday evening. 800 word essay. Can you believe on the similarities between the alligator and human brain stem - which consists of the pons, medulla, oh now too tired to remember the rest.

So so so so so ssososososososos sleeeeeeepy. Feels like I am the awake sleeping person.
Going to sleep bye byes I think - ever so early for me. Think it's the bleak blackness that descends.

Bliss
XX

Mending the wing

  Oh! - seems similar and familiar to ideas from me
  


   

   

 

   Cecil painted The Wounded Angel but I cannot find a copy!!
  Wounded Angel Traherne

And now somehow by accident I have found the painting that stirs within me something beyond beautiful whilst also so tragically sad. The angel in Cecil Collins painting seems to either to be sacrificing of self for the love of the planet Earth OR showing great love. And the song to me talks about the sacrifice of true love. Seems similar to me to be the love in The Alchemist when the lovers part for him to complete his journey, she knowing that if he was held back he would eventually resent her.

Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground by Willie Nelson
If you had not have fallen
Then I would not have found you
Angel flying too close to the ground
And I patched up your broken wing
And hung around a while
Tried to keep your spirits up
And your fever down
I knew someday that you would fly away
For Love's the greatest healer to be found
So leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Fly on, fly on past the speed of sound
I'd rather see you up
Than see you down
Leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground

Man! These lyrics suddenly mean so much to me. I wonder if JH would ever realise how deep and real my love was. And I truly would rather seem him up than down, I just have to get over my loss before that can be my only focus with him.


Bliss
XX

The escape at level 137

Short term gains, Bliss, that don't feel good and make sense, can lead to long term pains.
Get smart,
The Universe

Harry Houdini's 137th birthday - so Google says anyway


Oh! I wonder if those people who find anger difficult not only mistakenly mix up the emotion (anger and it's various levels i.e. frustration, irritation, fury, murderous etc) with the behaviour (rebellion, sarcasm, shouting, ranting, violence, cruelty etc) BUT also mix up how some people hold on to anger. Because actually the expression of anger appropriately is the way to start letting go. It passes if it's let out. If suppressed or not permitted it is there still, lingering and taking shape in other ways.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Buddha quote.

I was horrified that my manager came and asked me to postpone my leave - AGAIN! Is he truly that mad? I said NO. Several times even with his bribes of extra money and giving me some extra days as a way of making up for it. What's more he made the offer saying so long as I didn't tell anyone! This company is crazy. And I am disappointed that he even thought it was OK to do that. Especially when I said last week that I was not prepared to cancel my leave so they had plenty of time to sort things out. Yet who is actually the one left trying to sort it out? Yes you guessed it. ME! Man! What is it that people don;t actually care enough and feel able to take responsibility. But then I am frustrated about myself because I don't like to see things done that will leave good staff in the shit. So I fill in the gaps. They are management and they are paid to do the job. I still haven't heard anything. I will reiterate that I am not prepared to keep standing up beyond the call of my job description without some remuneration. The system is such that they do not have a structure that actually works. It's not my job. Grrrr grrrr grrrr  - offloading. Anyway! Man, it's so frustrating and disappointing.

I am frazzled.

I can see too that I have some fear that if I don;t stand up for the job, then someone else will and I will be actually overlooked and have no grounds for negotiating an increase. I am dispensable so I should not think I am the only one. However, there is also being valued. And they praise me enough, in writing as well. But they are so flipping mean. I am still horrified that they deducted 2 1/2 hours from me when I was off sick but still worked from home. Holding onto anger as Buddha says ends up only burning me. I need to tell them again and again though that I am dissatisfied.

But if someone keeps on doing something, seemingly willingly, then how would anyone not take advantage of that. I am sure I do in many ways. I am so flipping the other way at work - I try to avoid giving work to others before  have done as much as I can. Delegating is a valuable skill. Delegating effectively is something even more valuable. Helping another to achieve more and rewarding their ability.

I have been working with a client very closed down and in such denial. He has not shifted at all even with a group that have really given him insightful feedback, challenged him and supported him. He just is defended with double layers of Fort Knox. It has been frustrating people left right and centre. Including me at times. I also know his story and now that inside his defence system s a little boy so so hurt, Today I saw him cry. He privately showed me his vulnerability, momentarily. I know he's in there somewhere. I am trying to offer him suggestions to continue with some therapy. I am sure with time trust could be developed. But he leaves soon ........

I phoned my dad tonight. I told him that I had messed up with my diary and actually am at Uni on Saturday. It's taken me over a week to make the call but I did it and before he had called me to arrange the meeting. Anyway now he will let me know about the dates I suggested for the following week. Sunday seems to be a day when he is NOT available. When his wife answered the phone she said "here's your dad" when I said it was me. Ew she can be not such a nice lady.

I miss my mum. I truly do. I want to talk to her and get a cuddle from her and reassurance that actually I am OK. I don't feel too OK right now. I feel all wrong and cannot see the point of life!

Two weeks of no contact with JH and it's certainly easier as I am not getting hurt. But I hurt anyway. I think about him so often, well all the time unless I am working - it's so busy it takes my mind off him and all the hurt. It will pass, it will pass, it will pass.

I know I want someone who is honest and gradually I will retrieve myself. Doesn't mean that the lovely things weren't lovely. They really were.

I guess JH just wants different things from me. Like he wants to explore different things with different women. No commitment. If only he could have been honest about that from the start. Maybe of course I am wrong but nonetheless he seems to need or want a woman or more about him. I hope that whatever is happening for him he has all he wants and needs and is finding happiness and all those connected with him are happy too.

What I am glad about is that I am working through the feelings and not fixing them - I will get to the other side and therefore be better placed not to carry them with me as unresolved, or temporarily fixed.

I do not miss SL at all. I am not sure if I will ever return. I had a lot of experiences and met a lot of people but for now anyway I am firmly in RL and want to make the most of each day if I can as all I have is this day.