Email to M - mental health "issues"

With regard the mental health systems and stifling creativity -
I speak regularly with my supervisor and colleagues the fine line between challenging peoples denial as they want to move away from addictive processes and then humanistically following their lead and exploring self-efficacy etc.
Finding a comfortable mix of prescriptive methods when it comes to dealing with the control addiction and often working with dual diagnoses - such as bi-polar, depression etc etc. I really firmly believe that the labels are very useful for a person to make indentifications with others with similar symptoms and some treatments vary according to symptoms. However, I also beleive that the way forward is what actually matters. So here are the symptoms but what actio is taken from then on is the key.
With knowledge individuals can make healthier choices. And change is only required when something is not actually working anymore. Sometimes though people do not see the extent of the consequences. I rarely see the depths I have gone to when I am in the middle of it all. IN hindsight I see much more clearly. And I am much more open to finding different ways to get out of the quagmires I create.
I really like the open debates I can have with different mental health workers on ways to improve the support we give to clients. I also am liking the support I have started to receive from the psychiatrist I have seen. I marvelled that he held a similar philosophy to my own. It is useful learning about bi-polar from the inside of me. It all makes so much sense and creating that narrative of my past with new insight. Just like the earlier days of Step One and seeing the patterns - now with added knowledge I can see how everything was so interlinked and still is.
Helpful hindsight - but how I go forward is todays importance. Finding new ways of enhancing and embracing more of me that I have discovered  - without dampening the real me.
Dr Greeson agreed with me when I said the label is helpful but it's just life and my version of life.

Anyway always interesting debates. Oh and having learnt about bi-polar in my course this year it holds a lot of interest and also a lot of reality. Every brain is wired with imperfections - it's blinking well incredible any of us survive at all. Such a complex, awesome structural creation is our brain and the central nervous system. Wows me with every little thing I read and learn.

Bliss
XX

Outsider Art - Childish Billy and Dargering the Henry

Henry Darger. I can't recall how this artist was brought to my attention.





A very interesting discovery nonetheless. Outsider art - as just about everyone is labelled this was a completely new one on me. Linked with art produced in the insane-asylums and also particularly linked with autism. Wow! How awful that autism was ever considered mentally insane. It is horrid actually how different mentalities are labelled as issues and the prejudices that are conjured with the use of words such as mentally insane. Everyone will have defective wiring's int he brain just differently defective. That does not mean anyone is a problem. Of course the consequences of the defective wiring can be problematic. There is a belief currently that paedophiles can not be cured. Addicts can not be cured, psychopathology is not curable, autism is not curable, Parkinson's disease is not curable - and these are just a few examples of conditions that are all in the brain.
Henry Darger apparently behaved strangely. What does that mean? Eccentricity or any deviation from the greater norm is uncomfortable for the masses. And because of differences people tend to shy away - fear of the differences I guess.
So Outsider Art is also known as Naive Art. Billy Childish might be considered a Naive artist perhaps? Artists never institutionalised. This is interesting actually as I think that I do not have techniques and therefore cannot be creating real art. But actually I am simply doing it for my own pleasure and therefore developing my own techniques. It is valid art simply by the fact that it is created. Original artists didn't have teachings necessarily so techniques had to evolve. Experimental - jut going with the flow.
So Henry wrote in the Realms of the Unreal. It sounds worthy of reading. I picked up connections with Philip Pullmans Dark Materials Trilogy with references to religious systems through fictional analogies.
So it seems I have been interested by Henry Darger.
Also Billy Childish mentioned by J today.



I would like to have the courage simply to paint and just let the image be what it is. I am thinking I can just use basic colours. No need to mix and get accuracy. Just go for it.

Both prolific creators - books, poems, paintings.

Bliss
XX

Agonising analysing compared with interesting observation and moving on by

"We may think that we have done enough by writing about our past. We cannot afford this mistake."

Basic Text, p.32

Some of us aren't too keen on writing out our Fourth Step; others take it to an obsessive extreme.  To our sponsor's growing dismay, we inventory ourselves again and again. We discover  everything there is to know about why we were the way we were. We have the idea that thinking,  writing, and talking about our past is enough. We hear none of our sponsor's suggestions to  become entirely ready to have our defects removed or make amends for the harm we've caused.  We simply write more about those defects and delightedly share our fresh insights. Finally,  our worn-out sponsor withdraws from us in self-defense. Extreme as this scenario may seem, many of us have found ourselves in just such a situation.  Thinking, writing, and talking about what was wrong with us made us feel like we had it all  under control. Sooner or later, however, we realized we were stuck in our problems, the solutions  nowhere in sight. We knew that, if we wanted to live differently, we would have to move on  beyond Step Five in our program. We began to seek the willingness to have a Higher Power remove the character defects of which we'd become so intensely aware. We made amends for   the destruction we had caused others in acting out on those defects. Only then did we begin  to experience the freedom of an awakening spirit. Today, we're no longer victims; we are free  to move on in our recovery.

Just for Today: Although necessary, Steps Four and Five alone will not bring about emotional  and spiritual recovery. I will take them, and then I will act on them. Bliss XX

Letter to A

Thank you for reading my texts. And responding.
It's strange in a positive way but just recently I have been better able to simply observe myself within my emotions and thoughts. Not always immediately but after writing what's going on I seem able to literally stand back and take a view of myself. As a result I have been feeling that I embracing my feelings. Even writing that I can observe myself. It's another phase and what I observe is how surprised I am and analytical of it. However there is quite a freedom that I am feeling, like breathing in early morning fresh air.

I think I will give my dad a call just to enquire how his wife is and him too. :)

I too know how relationships stir up so much in me. So it is not surprising to me that so much is being stirred for you. From my own point of view I was really questioning with JH whether it was addiction or true connection. And I think on reflection that I can see that there was a bit of both. There was also avoidance for certain.
I respect you for working through each day.
I really believe that there is the courting stage, however each of us do that. I have always chosen to be full on, living together etc., early on in any relationship. How I view that now is that it's been my way of courting i.e. getting to know the other person and "us" together. Oddly enough I have always met people who want to court in the same manner. For myself it's probably not ideal because I get so ensconced I find it difficult to move on when I have realised I am not compatible after all.
However it has been my way and I have found out whether we can work it or not - and each stage of life has as well brought differences - I think early on the men were very similar. Has that changed? Well I think some things have shifted but underlying anger has been consistent. Is that typical of today's man? Who knows.
I would hope that I get to stage in my development when a relationship is easy. A person who is easy to be with. I realise that they way I am will always have difficulties for me - people with people.
I see how I have little things with people I know. But with the people I love in my life - You, E, M, A, R to name those that are amongst the most important, any differences and difficulties I experience pale into insignificance compared with the love and easiness I generally feel. And I realise the difficulties are always mine not the other person. However relationships I have been in have revealed to me that the differences seem to grow and unless the other person is able to as well, it becomes increasingly difficult for me to overcome them
For example my insecurity with JH's various lies and attitude with women "friends" was something I could not overcome. I became angrier and behaved like a screaming banshee and began to hate myself and him. He was who he was. I like many many things about him  though. But oddly enough as I read the occasional email I receive from him I can see that there were so many incompatibilities. And clearly we couldn't find a common ground on some of the things that for me really mattered and the lesser issues weren't even evident. So I see how courting is a matter of time.
Blimey there are so many ups and downs of relating. It's a miracle that through the centuries humans have managed to survive (said tongue in cheek).
On the periphery of your relationship I realise that I know little a I don't see you together. By that I am not suggesting it needs to be otherwise. That was interesting for me to realise that as I have got older I am less involved in my friends relationships. I have never met N - yet I understand as E has never really been secure and now it's not even a relationship. I feel for her accepting these crumbs when I know she wants more but convinces herself this is OK. I know R's partner A because I stay with them. But the time is really spent with R and admittedly when I first met him I was quite rude about him. I was so ashamed about that (in early days of recovery literally and no idea what honesty really meant). However I have got to know him and like him well enough. I don't always approve of the way he treats R and see alcohol plays a part sometimes but I guess as my friends are courting then I am also getting to know the person as a friend. It's interesting how it all works.
Of course with I I only have your version of him. And also only your version of you two together.
I hope you don't mind me reflecting these things. Of course with an email you can read what you like and throw the rest away..... :)
Nothing I am writing is meant to sound in any way critical.
You are my friend and I love you very much so what I wish for you is happiness and contentment.
I hear your sadness.
I have felt so sad when writing Step One - reading what a complicated, abusive, painful life of relationships I have had. Sadness for the lack of the relationship I would like actually can still crave with my dad. How that gap with him is unfinished business within me and somehow I think contributes to creating gaps in the way I relate with men. Perhaps the gap is closing or altering shape. The grief deserves some healing time I think and I need somewhat to do this clear of a relationship. The men have never been enough to fill the gap between me and my dad. I am filled with sadness recently about this rather than rage and anger.
In the theory of grief this might mean that I am closer to acceptance - denial (decades of that - mainly thinking I was the problem and using) - anger ( decades of this too - inappropriate mostly but changing more recently to recognising the resentments and having spoken with him feel this was a release of some of the rage) - Bargaining ( oh my gosh - manipulation, changing personality, trying to be who I thought he wanted when that didn't work being everything he thought I was, coming between my mum and him, siding with him - all sorts of ways of bargaining) - Sadness (I have been sad throughout all these decades but the sadness has always felt so painful I think I turned it into anger and using to avoid the pain and if the pain was bad enough I would have to let it out but it came out in tears and desperation which my dad just rejected even more. I even cry as I write this. I closed the sadness down and now it's all coming out. I cry for my life time without my dads love for me being me and now as life comes towards an end I am just stricken with this sadness of a gap wider than the universe itself - it's such a pity, Especially as I have seem he relating with other people and craving that from him so much but all of the time not just in the glimpses of relating he has done. He has never been able to sustain closeness with anyone. I feel sad for him too but maybe that is misplaced, perhaps he is perfectly happy - I have no idea) - and coming towards acceptance (I have moments of acceptance which is big big progress. I am not sure I will get there as a destination but the moments of it bring me also moments of serenity)
So A this was a lot of blurb but very therapeutic for me. And all inspired from reading about how you are facing things on a daily basis. It is so much easier to be an observer from the outside - so I admire the way you can do this when you are sharing with friends. I just stopped doing that when with JH and never did it at all when with SH. And before that I was truly as mad as a hatter - drink drugs etc.
I think you are courageous and gracious in facing your relationship on a daily basis.

Interesting that I has discovered his boundaries regarding criticism. I am sure we talked the other day about you seeing how far you could push him. And ew yuch I know how I cringe when receiving feedback about how my behaviour affects someone else. I am always glad in hindsight but at the time I loathe it. Thankfully I am less likely to justify and dodge. I try to receive the feedback. Ha ha I have to almost dig myself into a trench just to stand still and try not to show any emotional reaction so that the person does not know that I am hurting and ashamed. Who me? Faulty? And yet I spend so much of my time feeling faulty and not enough. It's so complex huh!

Just a wonder on my part ..... do you think with I reacting rather than not dealing with this is a sign to you that he values the relationship? I just think I saw this in myself - there is a commitment sort of thing to work through something that is a challenge for him and he hasn't ignored it and walked away. I write this as someone saying that they want to be with me and are committed (as much as anyone can be) isn't enough. But someone who wants to work in togetherness i.e. not trying to change me but saying what is or isn't working for them and how I affect them is a sign of good friendship.
I remember the first few times this happened with E and it helped me realise that the friendship was strong. We weren't going to just gradually phase out, we could talk and hug and love each other even when there were difficulties and found ways to compromise with our differences. For me it seemed to be a security.
Regarding E at the moment it's me who ha actually separated myself. As I feel a anger with her at work, I perceive an attitude that I don't like. There is a grandiosity with a belief that she is level and friendly with everyone. I know she has a busy workload but I find a laziness outside of this zone. Wanting other people to do menail things that she thinks are not her responsibility. It feels demeaning actually. Simple things like getting a client to speak to her about funding. We can ask a client to speak to her but I do not feel that I am the one to always be chasing the clients on her behalf. We can all do that. And I get to a stage where I just withdraw and moan about her rather than challenge this. I know I am fearful of her temper. When she withdraws she withdraw with a cutting edge in her attitude. ON the other hand I have experienced E very differently when we have spoken. I could say that I feel undermined the next time there is an issue of not wantng to do things. I haven't had any direct contact with her as I haven't done P's job for a while. But over this next 2 weeks whilst he's away there will be more contact. So when I feel surprised I need to say something.
It was interesting the other day hearing how unhappy she is with the company. There was something bonding about that. I haven't talked to her of my disappointment and disgust and the lack of employee care. All the good staff are leaving and I want to leave too. I am hoping that something will present itself. I do not want to be working within a unit that is full of rubbish. It is not good for my morale and also it matters when looking for another job to be part of something that has been a success and not to have been around during the doldrums. Know what I mean? Mind you it is my opinion only. I liked what it was and the team that were there. I just don't like this style and it doesn't suit me nor me it. So hopfully there is an availability somewhere that is more compatible.

Before this with friends it's never been like this. People have always just disappeared or rejected or gossipped or something that has felt like rejection and so I have never trusted and gradually didn't bother.
With SH I always felt in the wrong. He was always angry with me for my behaviours and blaming and so there was no way to talk an find balance.I had to change or else. And it got to the or else in the end. I also felt so threatened by the need to change that I became stubborn and even things I could see needed to change were things I fought against. I think this was related to the fact that I was blamed for everything and he didn't want to take responsibility for anything. When he made his amends recently he said sorry for the anger after we separated. I wonder if he has any thoughts about the period before or if he still blames. Interesting as I reflect on it as I would like to make amends for some inflexibility on my part whilst in the relationship. That was my insecurity becoming a blanket for the things I was responsible for. One of those is the confusion I had about time with SH and then time on the phone with friends.
 More recently with friends I so know it's not about them, it's about me. I get angry at first but recently see more quickly that it's me and know that I will find a way of saying something about my feelings.


Well after this epic email - avoiding studying and tidying too - but also good to type out some emotions and thoughts about me. It was really relating to a lot you are saying.

I hope your weekend is relaxing amidst the ups and downs ....sending you lots of love

Oh I accepted 1 1/2 days extra leave for the 2 weeks standing up for P. Seems reasonable I suppose.

Bliss
XX

Self writing books

Well I had a real nightmare and woke up terrified. I could not wake from the terror. I was awake but truly felt so scared. It took me a while before I could fall asleep again and all that time lying awake feeling so afraid. I could even taste fear. Do you know what I mean? It is a taste I have tasted before. I cannot describe the taste. Thre was a deep inner trembling and the taste. The sensation was in the solar plexus region.
In my dream I had just met with and said goodbye to Andy. My dad called me and angrily asked me if I had been seeing ANdy. I think he was accusing me of "seeing" Andy. I said I had met him but it was just friends. I didn;t think I could get him to beleive me - I have protested similarly far too often and could hear his disbelief. Or maybe I knew I had not been believable from the past. Anyway he told me tat Andy had been in prison sice he and I had broken up. I didn't believe my dad.
The next thing I remember is being in a traffice jam with Andy in the car. I recall feeling some guilt with my dad in mind. Andy jumped out of the car saying he was going to catch up with Mark. Next I was being invited out of my car by the police. They said that Andy had killed Mark, his body having been found. I was taken to safety and was in the toilet of the P surrounded by police. I knew Andy was there too and felt so so scared. At that point he had strayed free to walk past the open door and gave a sideways look. I knew then I was not safe and no one could protect me. i saw a wild look in his eye.
Then I woke up. Each time I think about it I get the taste of fear in my mouth again.
It's interesting. How much fear I felt. And was carrying somewhat. I wrote about it all in a text to a couple of friends and the fear passed. So then I could observe the entire situation and how the fear cold easily overpower me. But relife that sjaring with friends was a way of relieving the fear. Amazing how powerful dreams are and the array of feelings evoked in me.

The day was strange. P was not very present. The last week he has been particularly harsh and it is good that he now has some time off. Sadly it is to clear his mothers house. The packing up I found very difficult and kept putting it off even though my dad was in a hurry. I miss my mum. I was talking about her and re-telling some of her hilarious stories this evening. I think A is right when she says my mum and her mum could have been good friends with so many eccetricities to lead each on with. I smiled at the prospect knowing that my mum was so cheeky.
Anyway, P was clearing his desk and in a hurry to leave. 2 Fridays in a row he was in a hurry to leave. He will be leaving permanently soon.

Equanimity? This is a new concept to me. It is not disinterestedness. It is balance and poise and engagement in this world.
Good fortune and bad fortune - in the middle and poised of this. Funny as this was the NA reading this morning.

"

September 16
Emotional Balance

"Emotional balance is one of the first results of meditation, and our experience bears this out."
Basic Text p.45
Though each of us defines "emotional balance" a little differently, all of us must find it. Emotional balance can mean finding and maintaining a positive outlook on life, regardless of what may be happening around us. To some, it might mean an understanding of our emotions that allows us to respond, not react, to our feelings. It can mean that we experience our feelings as intensely as we can while also moderating their excessive expression.
Emotional balance comes with practice in prayer and meditation. We get quiet and share our thoughts and hopes and concerns with the God of our understanding. Then we listen for guidance, awaiting the power to act on that direction.
Eventually, our skills in maintaining near-balance get better, and the wild up-and-down emotional swings we used to experience begin to settle. We develop an ability to let others feel their feelings; we have no need to judge them. And we fully embrace our own personal range of emotions.
Just for today: Through regular prayer and meditation, I will discover what emotional balance means to me."
So how strange that JH raised equanimity in his email. A word in the Buddhist tracks I have crossed has not yet been something I am aware of.
JH has said that he doesn't like the idea of equanimity. And he likens it to something he has come across before with Bernie P. I didn't ever like the sound of Bernie P. I am not entirely sure why. I woner what JH has understood by equanimity.
What I am understanding is that there is no negative feelings. All feelings are positive and this means embracing all feelings as human and valid. I do think though that old angers which becme resentments and even rages are dangerous. And so to complete a Step 4 serves the purpose of gradually ridding oneself of resentment.
BUt the emotional balance - or what I am just starting to explore as an understanding of the Buddhist talk I listend to sent by JH, is that by embracing all the emotions and being OK witht hem can contribute to equanimity. For example I think that current anger is a sign that something is not alright. And therefore this helps to identify and set boundaries. This is appropriate of course so long as one is aware that the anger is purely current or as pure as is possible as a human being. If it is loaded with issues fomr the past as well the motive for boundary setting or dealing with the feeling appropriately could be distorted. So anger, sadness, happiness, shame, guilt - blah blah blah

Mad	Bad	Sad	Glad
·         Angry (including mildly irritated, annoyed,  cross, enraged) ·         Insanity	·         Shame ·         Embarrassment ·         Guilt ·         Envy Fear ·         Anxious / nervous ·         Disappointed	·         Grief ·         Loss ·         Bereft	·         Joyful ·         Ecstatic ·         Happy ·         Proud ·         Content

There we are - just for starters. All these emotions are positive in the sense that they are what is part of being human. Bloody Darwin was one of the first to invalidate emotions saying that they are hangoevers from being animals and as such are worthless. Idiot. And of course this informed the world to shut down or supress emotions. Well he was o.

ne of the advocators anyway, amongst others of his equivalents in Uni's etc would be interested.

So I think it is important and OK to bounce around the extremes of my emotions and gradually find what balance is. And just recently I have felt balanced and observant of self. Because of course this is what the entire exercise is about. KNowig my own feelngs and to be able to feedback or challenge without the emotional attachment. I like detaching and continuiong to utlise my emotions to gauge the group.

I am sure equanimity is more complex. I just throve on complexity but actually would prefer not to have to. I can start making my own loving self and although they can't speak back there will be a way - little hints 

I think some of the swelling has diminished - hoorah!
Gosh I just remember another dream whereby I was sitting eating lunch with CB. I haven't heard a thing from her for years now!! Poo.
Anyway yes I was sitting with her and ......................... blank. Furthermore I am not sure what triggered the memory. Maybe it was food and me thinking about being fat and gross!

I jeep forgetting what I am thnking - they are good ideas but not coming to the fore of my mind - oh well

I am so so so tired I'm off to bed.
Night all

Bliss
XX

Rags and cloths and nonsense

This evening I am going to the Buddhist monastry and will meditate. I feel so sleepy I am certain to drowse off into the land of nod. What an adventuring journey that is :)
I met with my psychiatrist. I like him but I think he thinks I am all negative.
And yet actually I feel very positive ..... that was until I got back this evening. I am feeling achy and bloated and sluggish.
This despite a lovely evening meditating. Just all that hormonal stuff is back and it affects me very badly. I feel uncomfortable. Actually I was awake a lot last evening with it all.

However, an evening with A was lovely. a lot of chatting about rags and cloths and chatter. Not really but at the end of the day its the same thing I suppose. We talked about my visit to the psychiatrist and learning mroe and more about bi-polar. We talked about labels and being boxed in contrast with labels as useful tools to open up to more and more. We talked about belief systems, we talked about her relaitonship, we talked about my anger with work and my laughter at myself once I ranted it out.
We ate and we talked. We went to Cittaviveka monastry. A lovely evening meditating. I was a little restless at times but these days I allow myself to be how I am and go with that flow. It soon quietens again. Of course I would love to reach lengthy states of the inner bliss I reach from time to time during any one meditation session. But I allow myself to enjoy those moments as equally as I allow myself to enjoy the way I can observe thoughts and follow them to see where they go. Sometimes I allow them to float off down the river without me.
Tomorrow I am going to the gallery opening night of Camilla's work. How very exciting. Her sister is a esablished artist aready. And the family is INCREDIBLY rich. So of course I think opportunities can be made within those circles.
However it will be interesting and I feel honoured to be invited.



Hieronymous Bosch, a Dutch painter renowned for his use of fantastical imagery to view the subjects of religion and moral issues.  I like this one the Garden of earthly delight.


My reason for taking another peak at this was because a friend enquired if he had influenced my recent sketching ....

 This beautiful rose has the old fashioned rose scent which seems so rare these days. Absolutely delightful and something I have been able to enjoy on a daily basis. Lucky me!

Consistant circles

Before my Soul taught me, Love was for me a delicate thread stretched between two adjacent pegs,
but now it has been transformed into a halo; its first is its last, and its last is its first.
It encompasses every being, slowly expanding to embrace all that ever will be.
~ Khalil Gibran

I very much appreciate the words of Khalil Gibran. I like the little book the Prophet with thought out pearls of wisdom. I am grateful for the introduction to this and other sages over the years.

I feel very disappointed and hurt and angry too by the management team at work.
But thankfully I have been ranting and raving with friends and flailing my arms around wildly as I did so - tee hee. And so I am laughing at myself. Some of this is pride too, that they don't seem to value me after all. I wonder what their plan is? I wonder if actually they will reduce the ATP? That's always an option. P has kept the numbers high for several years now. And just this last few weeks there have been no calls or referrals - or rather just one or two. He will be handing his notice in at the end of this week. And a lot is due to the way he finds the management team not to his liking.
I guess they are doing the job as they want to but I also find them to have a different standard to that I would wish to be working to.
I am not sure how not to react but I know it is better that I rant to my friends than react in my anger directly with them. And of course it does pass. There is nothing I can do after all and in my powerlessness I feel very let down.
What is it that I am actually angry about? The reality is that I am pissed off because they (management) do not want to pay me extra to do the team leader job whilst they find a replacement and they expect each team member to just carry the workload. I find that most unsuitable and know that it is also because I will take on work just to ensure the smooth running and I'll be doing it for fuck all!! I want to be more boundaried but hate the idea that the unit will lower in standard as a result. I am in a dilemma. I am not sure that I have explained this fully to anyone when I ranted this evening.
I got fed up with friends trying to work it all out and ask detailed questions rather than allow me to be angry. It was frustrating
Anyway the important thing I have identified the source of my anger now after talking and talking and now writing about it.
Pride is involved and desire for more money too - is that greed? I don't think I am paid enough for it to be greed. It is self worth I suppose. And disappointment that actually they don't seem to value me as much as I wanted them to.
Oh well. I better get over myself really. I need to stay and get my accreditation and then consider my options. Until then I need to keep my head down, not react on emotions and not be impulsive in making decisions. Bide my time, find patience and tolerance.
It is already easier having written this and identified myself within all the complexity. Crazy, crazy world!
I suppose I want them to value me - yup pride!!

It takes great strength of character to do what feels right and true for you, regardless of what anybody else may think of you ~ Themis Eagleson

 

I think it feels right for me not to apply for the team leader position. I want to focus on being a therapist. BUT I am scared that it would be an opportunity to develop relations with the consultants. BUT actually can I not do that simply by being a therapist? Yes I think I can.

 

Hmmmm - it's good to write it all out. And good to have spoken things out too. I wanted a rave and needed a rant. That's surely good for me once in a while. And I haven't directed it at anyone or taken it out on anyone and the anger is diminishing and has been appropriately realised by me, myself and I.

I think there will be people that think it is wrong to feel angry. It is not wrong to feel angry so long as I don't misuse it and don't work through things.

It's freeing and energising and I feel better.

I just need to be cautious at work now with the management team that I do not feel respect for.

They operate in a way that is very different to my own standards and ethics.

 

Thanks for listening

 

Bliss

XX