M called. She is having difficulty getting a deposit back if she cancels her holiday. Why is this affecting me? Well we were booked to go together BUT I cancelled, about a mnth ago now. I lost the deposit and the £40 transfer fee from when we cancelled the Peru trip and got a measly £74 back. I cancelled for two reasons the main one being that I just am running out of money and can't deal with the stress paying out for this holiday would have brought when I couldn't really then afford road tax, insurance, MOT etc. I would just hate the holiday.The other reason being the levels of fitness required and I am jusy not there anymore. I am getting too old.
I can hear M's anger. And I think some of that is directed towards me coz she mentioned how it would have been easier to be in Morrocco if there were two of us and easier not to decide to go on the difficult walk if there were two of thst didn't. I thinks he blames me for her lsiong the money.
I am very apologetic that I have had to cancel. I would rather not have to cancel as I would love to be going to Morrocco. There are decisions I took that really were at another level of codependence. I agreed tot he holiday because I didn't want not to be going if M went. I didn't want to admit to being worried about fitness levels and climbing the Atlas Mountains. I wanted t also have an adventure type holiday. I should have let M book her own trip and not allow myself to be influecned by this competitive element that gets drawn out in cerain circumstances.
And no I am feeling so guilty. I have let her down. I have caused her to lose all this money.
Mind you it's not my fault that the company are arguing about a refund when they didn't argue about it with me. It is odd. I do get thigns sorted out financially when M seems to have all sorts of troubles with organisations. I think there has to be something going on there.
Anyway that is nothing to do wth me - trying to put the blame somewhere else.
I can hear M's anger. Of course intensified I am sure by the fact that she has stopped smoking.
Ugh I hate my codependency. It makes me feel so responsible for people. I did book the holiday in all good faith but I did not expect to get so low on funds with no way to replenish the funds.
I don't know if I will ever have enough money to go away oln holiday again. It frustrates me. However, I have so many other things financially and security that really I shouldn't be moaning about anything. But I do. The great divide!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - feeling as if I have caused the other persons feeling and angst towardds me. I don't know where the fine line is on things like this.
I also don't know how to manage the feengs i have about my new job and keeping thigs right sized.
Not a good day - definitely not a good day.
I can hear M's anger. And I think some of that is directed towards me coz she mentioned how it would have been easier to be in Morrocco if there were two of us and easier not to decide to go on the difficult walk if there were two of thst didn't. I thinks he blames me for her lsiong the money.
I am very apologetic that I have had to cancel. I would rather not have to cancel as I would love to be going to Morrocco. There are decisions I took that really were at another level of codependence. I agreed tot he holiday because I didn't want not to be going if M went. I didn't want to admit to being worried about fitness levels and climbing the Atlas Mountains. I wanted t also have an adventure type holiday. I should have let M book her own trip and not allow myself to be influecned by this competitive element that gets drawn out in cerain circumstances.
And no I am feeling so guilty. I have let her down. I have caused her to lose all this money.
Mind you it's not my fault that the company are arguing about a refund when they didn't argue about it with me. It is odd. I do get thigns sorted out financially when M seems to have all sorts of troubles with organisations. I think there has to be something going on there.
Anyway that is nothing to do wth me - trying to put the blame somewhere else.
I can hear M's anger. Of course intensified I am sure by the fact that she has stopped smoking.
Ugh I hate my codependency. It makes me feel so responsible for people. I did book the holiday in all good faith but I did not expect to get so low on funds with no way to replenish the funds.
I don't know if I will ever have enough money to go away oln holiday again. It frustrates me. However, I have so many other things financially and security that really I shouldn't be moaning about anything. But I do. The great divide!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - feeling as if I have caused the other persons feeling and angst towardds me. I don't know where the fine line is on things like this.
I also don't know how to manage the feengs i have about my new job and keeping thigs right sized.
Not a good day - definitely not a good day.
No comments:
Post a Comment