Thursday 12 August 2010

Useful by being here and a slaves testament

For a long time yet, Bliss, there will still be things not to like in time and space... animal testing, war, discrimination, hatred, to name a few. But you realize, don't you, that only while you're there, can you do anything about them?


Oh yeah.

We can only watch.

The Universe
 
This is funny because today I asked my Master JH and my love if when we are together living simply if we would be able to keep bees. I am fascinated by them suddenly and love the idea of collecting the honey and maybe even being able to trade it with other local producers. But also very much as a way of contributing to the world as they are so endangered now. JH knows something about this too. He responded that he would like to. YAY!
I would also like to keep chickens and have fresh eggs. I like this picture I have. I also have this sense of bringing people together. Something we will do will create the opportunity for people to come together, meetings and learning or personal growth or something. It feels free and easy and loving and safe. I repeat easy as I see happiness.
 
I visited the hospital today - internal examination. It HURT! and M asked me why I didn;t tell anyone as it was being done that it was hurting. After the event I felt tearful.
I sent a text to JH, saying that I was out and very basic news. He sent a text back saying that he would call later. In retrospect I realised I wanted him to call but I didn't ask him to. I am still so far from identifying my wants and needs and being able to ask for them. Telling the doc about being in pain was another example.
When JH did call (he is so thoughful and lovely) I felt angry. I don;t know why. I was quite the martyr wanting to say that he should forget about me and get back to his kids. Oh poor poor me. Pah! Thankfully I don;t think I got myself stuck on this worthless idea. I said I wanted an hug and he said he was hugging me. That felt so nice of him to respond that way. I then was really happy after a little while talking to say goodbye knowing that he needed his tme with his children. No resentments - just love.
I am learning and growing. It is lovely.
 
M gave me a hug when I got home. That was lovely. Brings tears to me. I am not really certain why. Somebody really cares. I know for M hugging takes her effort. I apreciate her friendship. I love her.
She has cooked and talked and listened and been easy gong. Just what I needed.
I had stopped en route and bought a treat. I wanted chocolate and cakes. So I bought a chocolate pudding.
 
Now I feel incredibly bloated and there is some pain still.
M has suggested that I tell the GP about the pain and the fact that I didn;t tell them when it was hurting as they were examining me. It just doesn;t occur to me. As far as I am concerned I am to sit there quietly and just let them do what they are supposed to do. If there is anythign they will find it. But as M pointed out they may miss something if I don't tell them how things are affecting me. Still so much to learn.
 
My dad called. I hadn't realised I had told him when I was going to the hospital. The conversation was OK. Funnily enough M said as the phone was ringing "Oh don;t let it be your dad!" And it was. Ha ha.
 
Yesterday I went to find out from slaves and Masters about falling in love with my Master and him falling in love with me.
Oddly I received an IM from my former Master. He was asking for an update on what I have learnt since he last had contact with me. I will tell my Master and my love that I have received this.
As my Masters slave and because I adore him I would tell him everything and ask permission for everything I want. When I remember. I am still so self willed and there is a lot of control to learn how to let go of. And yet it feels so right for me.
The funny thing is my Master who is my love, is very loving and giving. He has requirements but doesn't enforce them. Oddly when I don;t comply I feel I have let him down.
I was given this by a Mistress in SL - I have much to learn and put into practice. The thing is although it is slavery it seems to apply so well to me feeling free and respectful fo the person I am in love with ...
Slaves Creed




i will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. i realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Owner and i from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm



i will not try to manipulate my Owner. i will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should



i will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not accustomed to or comfortable with and expanding my limits. i will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.



i will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Owner and will do my best to fulfil Her wishes and desires. i will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, i know that submissive does not equal "doormat"



i will be courteous and helpful to my fellow slaves, i will share my knowledge and experiences with others in the hope they they will learn from where i have been and i will take the time to help those new to the lifestyle start out on the correct path.



i will be responsive to my Owner, i will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that i may assist Her in Her responsibilities as my Authority, i know that Dominants are not telepathic, and will not expect Them to know the thoughts or feelings which i do not share.



i will never think myself a "better" submissive because i choose to submit on a different level than another. i will not be boastful of experiences i have had as a sub. i know that my actions reflect upon my Owner, and will do my best to help others see Her in a positive way, i will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Owner.



Above all, i be a slave with honour, i will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or subhuman. i will take pride in who and what i am, and will never show myself in a negative way
 

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