Death and dying

I have no words anymore to describe how I feel.
I am a broken person. I know this shall pass. I am trying to hold onto that strongly.
Tonight I went to a beautiful meeting and sat listening to laughter and love amidst people.
I find it difficult to write even to myself that actually I have felt deathly. That I have even worked out how.
I have not felt so devastated for such a long time. I want to feel life again. I want to know the Universe again.
I hope I can get there. Goodbye

Hello JH
I am writing this email with a heavy heart.
I need some healing time.
I really am disliking the person I become when I speak with you. It is not the person I know myself to be.
The deep hurt and pain I feel turns into anger and I am miserable and say things I really don't mean and later regret, such as saying you have been fickle or that your love wasn't deep. I really don't mean this and am sorry for speaking in my anger, my sadness, my confusion. We all get less light going through difficult things.
I would prefer to be the happy, lively, light and the passionate person I know I am, when I speak with you.
And so partly to preserve my dignity and grace, but mainly to give myself space to heal, I would like some time without contact with you. I feel sure you will understand.
I can honestly say I have not loved like I have loved you. And I showed that by letting you right into my soul. I have always enjoyed the discussions we can have about art and life and all things Universal.
JH you are a remarkable man.
I hope that the changes in your life over the next weeks and months can be smooth and with the least pain as possible.
I hope too that you continue to embrace all your passions and achieve everything you want and need.
Bliss
 
 
Dear, dear Bliss-
I have been thinking about this all day, on my way and working in Delft- Yes, I've been heavy too, with things all around me and between us.
I can see the real you- You are most amazing and I'm still glad we met, and I know you-
I'm sure you felt how much I truely did love you, and yes I did feel you-
I don't know myself to be remarkable- I would like you to explain some time when we meet again, when the time is there-
I hope you will remember and get in touch if and when you feel it is right for you-
Take care, bless you-

Bliss
It's lovely. I'm very proud of you. You are such a beautiful, funny, creative and odd soul and very very special lady to me. He was never right for you. His heart is poorly.
This isn't easy but the trick for us is creating lives of our own that are meaningful and fun and fulfilling. Then we won't reach for our addictions to feel alive.
ET
 
AM has been really just hearing all that was and what is now. No judgement but celebrating me taking care of myself. The sadness of all that I had hoped for not being possible now.
 
ML commented on how from very early on I was hurt by the untruths and deception.
 
JB just listens and then tries to crack jokes and find things to make me laugh. :))
 
T relates with my hope for something beautiful being dashed and how I am left feeling crumpled and hopeless. So sad.
 
Thank goodness for friends listening whatever their thoughts and judgements