Odd - I have a feeling of JH now being very distant from me. I know our relationship of closeness was finished but I felt that we had some connection still. I don't know how to put this all into words.
I cannot explain this. ....
Feels like a vacuum has been left. It has occurred over the last 2 days. Like he has moved on and away.
I am aware that some really major life things are happening for him and that he really needs all his attention there. But I am also aware that he still requires escapism - how on Earth could he be expected to make major changes all by himself. I hope that he can maintain support strongly with fellowship and I can guarantee that he will heal and grow. Difficult and painful to stay with the emotions but better than that than getting stuck and repeating the destruction over and over again. Easy to say from the outside. I know my own patterns return and its a gradual process of changing each time the patterns are obviously hurting. All in the name of increasing self awareness.
Perhaps seeing the reality being reflected is too much. It's hard enough with some years behind me. But JH also says how much he is already on that spiritual path and self aware.
I feel really he is very young in this and really vulnerable to it. Needing gentle hugs and love. Some of my own hurt has probably seemed harsh when I wanted him to know my hurt. He was a part of the hurt but not able to take on the reflection of that right now.
This however is about putting me aside.
I hope that if it's duty contact with me now he would not do that. I will be OK whatever there is or isn't between us.
I would absolutely hate to find out he is keeping in contact because he feels he ought to.
That is not friendship or even nice.
It feels to me as if there is no interest now in me as a person. I don't know how else to describe what I am sensing. And I get confused with what's strong intuition or made up?
JH if you do read this and you are detaching from me, would try and find the courage to tell me. It would be kinder I feel in the long run.
I will not post this right now as I think it's inappropriate.
Bliss
XX
I cannot explain this. ....
Feels like a vacuum has been left. It has occurred over the last 2 days. Like he has moved on and away.
I am aware that some really major life things are happening for him and that he really needs all his attention there. But I am also aware that he still requires escapism - how on Earth could he be expected to make major changes all by himself. I hope that he can maintain support strongly with fellowship and I can guarantee that he will heal and grow. Difficult and painful to stay with the emotions but better than that than getting stuck and repeating the destruction over and over again. Easy to say from the outside. I know my own patterns return and its a gradual process of changing each time the patterns are obviously hurting. All in the name of increasing self awareness.
Perhaps seeing the reality being reflected is too much. It's hard enough with some years behind me. But JH also says how much he is already on that spiritual path and self aware.
I feel really he is very young in this and really vulnerable to it. Needing gentle hugs and love. Some of my own hurt has probably seemed harsh when I wanted him to know my hurt. He was a part of the hurt but not able to take on the reflection of that right now.
This however is about putting me aside.
I hope that if it's duty contact with me now he would not do that. I will be OK whatever there is or isn't between us.
I would absolutely hate to find out he is keeping in contact because he feels he ought to.
That is not friendship or even nice.
It feels to me as if there is no interest now in me as a person. I don't know how else to describe what I am sensing. And I get confused with what's strong intuition or made up?
JH if you do read this and you are detaching from me, would try and find the courage to tell me. It would be kinder I feel in the long run.
I will not post this right now as I think it's inappropriate.
Bliss
XX
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