Blue Velvet

Whilst meditating and Cittaviveyka I heard very loudly in my mind Blue Velvet and then all I could see was vibrant blue velvet. I was meditating for an hour, mainly open eye. It was beautiful when the room disappeared and I could see so many things happening and colours. I felt so tearful at one time but ith joy. And I felt an lifting within me. A deep pleasure with the meditation. Of course suddenly "thinking" about the wonderful sensation brought me out of it. Doh! More practice. I sat thought for the hour, mainly in a state of meditation, allowing feelins to exist and freeing them to sial away down the river. Then as if they had a life of their own my thoughts were bouncing around the room. Bits of broken off thoughts and mixed up too.



http://www.cittaviveka.org/

I meditated through a bevy of emotions too. And in the end felt a sense of relief and smiled with gentle contentment. I felt real love between JS and I. It was fun and remarkably easy just sitting and chatting and sharing catch up. Loved it.
I thought that JH would have enjoyed visiting the monastery and would have surely enjoyed the teachings and meditation. You see still thinking of him along those lines even though I realise the other part of him is so far from me. There are different sides to everyone and I hope that someday I can meeet with someone and we can compatible on all sides. Maintain our differences but the greater meeting means that incompatibilities pale into insignificance.

Anyway JS and I were talking so fast to catch up on what has passed in the last 4 years. It was fun and funny. I think we over talked not once but we switched topics and back again. Both forgetting things as we weer thinking so fast.
Despite the pains that brough us to meet, it was a beautiful thing that happened. Friends for life, despite differences along the way. There is strength between us that is worth the journey. You see difficulties can be worked through if both want it and value each other enough. But it means changing priorities. Distance and time has also been a part of the journey and seperate growth. And here we were together and strong. Wonderful.
We talked about attachment and detachment, we talked about abundance and courage, we talked about acceptance. We speak a similar language.

I felt ill this evening. I mean sick. I think I may have given myself food poisoning ha ha ha. I ate some soup that was a few days old. Man! I felt rough.

The visit to the specialist today. Pah! He nearly choked when I suggested that what would work for me is if they could give me three months funding to go to Prinsted. He wrote it down but he hasn;t a clue of the cost. Ha! The NHS funding that would be a miracle. But you never know I suppose. I will be referred as this was merely an assessment but the fist date to see the consultant is 17th May. I am signed off work for another week! Relief but fear too. I have an emergency out of hours contact number shoould I need some assistance. And I will also see someone in the meantime and a date is to be confirmed in writing. So they want to help. I just don't feel very confidant right now.
It was very draining telling my story to a stranger. Afterwards I felt incredibly low. I arranged to go to AB with the idea of an earlier walk so that I could then have some exercise and see JS later on. We sat and chatted too long with GB as well. So no exercise and some terrible eating practive today too. I can feel the change in my physical being that I think has craved different eating. Grrrrr. It's so hard.

So I think it would be really the thing to do, to pursue private work. It feels possible. There is even more talk about closed groups in the yurt. This idea appeals to me too. Something that could be helpful to people that are less able to afford groups. I like this idea and it flows from the days of developing Sankofa.
I wonder what Blue Velvet refers to. Whatever, it felt good and important. Perhaps Blue Velvet is the name?